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What's the most barking thing you've witnessed at a mum's group?

489 replies

Berts · 30/01/2013 12:19

Not just the usual competitive, Stepford Mommies rubbish, but real 'back away now, slowly' stuff.

Mine was when one of the babies, ten months old fell over and banged his head. His mum picked him up to give him a cuddle (of course) but, when he didn't stop crying pretty quickly she stands him on her lap, looks him in the eye and starts barking: "Man up! Come on, Man up!"

Barking being the operative word...

OP posts:
PimpMyHippo · 31/01/2013 21:48

I'd quite like a friend like Burkha lady to mix things up a bit, keep me on my toes. You'd always be waiting for a clown or a uniformed maintenance man to sidle up to you and go 'hey - it's me!'

Grin That made me do snorty laughs Grin

MarthasHarbour · 31/01/2013 22:00

Oh dear god this thread is awesome!

Fanny party and burkha woman are winning it for me ATM. Closely followed by pan pipe mama Grin

MrsMushroom · 31/01/2013 22:10

Lain {crying with laughter right now} Chatty Tuesdays! The duet conga with the vicar! Grin

MeatSweats · 31/01/2013 22:11

Not too mental but seeing two mums playing an impromptu game of table ping pong with what turned out to be a chip of very dry shit was amusing. Now one year on everyone makes a point of wiping the chair and table they are about to use just in case the mum who dropped the turd has been back :o

EverybodysSnowyEyed · 31/01/2013 22:16

I did a baby class and a mum turned up with her twins (under 6 months) and her nanny. She was impossibly fresh and polished.

A couple of mums were saying how rough it must be with two and how she looks so great etc etc (the usual first time mum awe at anyone having to deal with more than one of the little blighters!) and she was going on about how difficult they are and how they don't sleep very well at night, and she has to balance this with making time for her toddler.

All nice - one mum says "gosh, for someone getting such interrupted sleep you look fab"

Hearty laugh - oh no, my nanny dies the nights

We all look at the nanny and realise she looked just like us - poor thing was knackered!

Also, in another class mum had to go and make a phone call, the teacher offered to take the baby and the mum just plonked her in front of the nanny and said "oh no, she's used to dealing with both"

HeadfirstForHalos · 31/01/2013 22:27

Is this fanny club a common thing?

If so, why have I not been invited?

Not that I'd go mind, but it's nice to be asked!

teenyweenytadpole · 31/01/2013 22:28

I am stil PSML at MrsMalinkey's naked panpipe playing mum. I work in childcare and the stories I could tell about the mothers...but I couldn't and wouldn't :)

EverybodysSnowyEyed · 31/01/2013 22:30

Panpipe mama gets my vote

I also saw someone put a bath thermometer in the swimming pool before going in with their toddler

MarthasHarbour · 31/01/2013 22:31

headfirst I can never look at my ornate pocket mirror in the same way again Grin

Lora1982 · 31/01/2013 22:52

Going to my first group tomorow CANT WAIT NOW Grin

TepidCoffee · 31/01/2013 22:53

Ah Lainie, I'm crying with laughter at your conga with the vicar :o.

PopGoesTheWeeble · 31/01/2013 22:59

Ok, I still can't compete with Panpipes Elf, the Fanjo party or the Conga with the Vicar (all potential name changers?!), but anyway...

My only contribution is the singing/music class I go to with DS. The leader is a very enthusiastic girl who often sits with or dances with random children in the class whenever they approach her. Cue her picking up the youngest participant, a 6 month old girl, and plonking her on her lap during a song. 6mo's mum nervously pipes up to be a bit careful as she isn't too steady sitting up.

Predictably, the poor 6mo takes a slow motion dive off the leader's lap, landing head first on the floor. She starts screaming, and everyone falls silent. EXCEPT the leader who ploughs on singing "Goodbye Jenson, goodbye" etc. 6mo 's mum obviously scoops up the shrieking child, all of the other mums look on in horror and pity and the leader cheerfully finishes the goodbye song.

Bizarre.

FamiliesShareGerms · 31/01/2013 23:12

Am loving this thread! Makes the woman who put on one of her husband's old shirts to feed her toddler some finger foods (" because he's very messy and my husband likes me to keep clean") seem positively sane!!

PMSL at the panpipe elf!!

Jojobump1986 · 01/02/2013 02:05

Is anyone else planning on acquiring panpipes ready for the next group they go to, just to see how many sniggers they get? It could be a fab way for MNers to identify each other - panpipes & a knowing look! Grin

I'm v sad that none of these exciting things happen at our group. I'm wondering how many of them I can get away with... From now on at every baby group I go to I shall: get my breasts out at random moments, sing a running commentary on whatever DS is doing, play my panpipes when I run out of inane things to sing... Unfortunately DS is too small for the full tortoise-boy effect. I'll keep that in reserve for a year or 2! Wink

MarthasHarbour · 01/02/2013 07:35

See you there jojo Wink

doctorhamster · 01/02/2013 07:37

My god after 4 years of toddler groups I am crippled with disappointment and the normality of them. I should demand a refund.

Someone who knows how has to nominate this for classics!

JollyRedGiant · 01/02/2013 07:38

DS and I are trying to decide what to do today. We can either go for a walk or go to toddlers.

This thread is steering me firmly toward toddlers!

NeedlesCuties · 01/02/2013 07:38

I can't use the name as it will out me, but at a toddler group I used to go to there was a terror of a girl. She was 2 years old, cute with lovely blonde hair, but would scream, push, pull, attack the other kids. She had an 'interesting' name, can't say the exact one, but it was along the lines of 'modesty' 'comfort'.

One day her mum (who was barking mad) put her on a time out after she'd walloped another few kids. Except the mum had put her on time out outside the door to the hall and said she'd check on her in 2 minutes.

The leader of the group took exception to this, told barking mum that this wasn't allowed, as they were worried the child would run off as the main door wasn't locked and was near a road.

Barking mum became roaring mum, shouting all over the place about how it was unfair, she wasn't ever coming back etc. Grabbed her DD and left. That was a a year ago, and true to her word she's never been back!

Also, at the same toddler group. I was due DC2 and about 2 weeks before due date I bumped into one of the helpers in Tesco's. Was chatting to her, just small talk and I said something about coming back to the group with both kids once DC2 was a about a month old. Mentioned that I'd be breastfeeding the newborn, and the leader shook her head, said she'd been helping there for 7 years and had never seen a mum breastfeed... then she said she'd need to "ask the organiser, make sure that's ok." I was Shock

Suffice to say, I rocked up with my newborn and breastfed and no one said anything negative. I would have been ready for them!

JollyRedGiant · 01/02/2013 07:39

You need to report the op and type that you want it in classics in the box :) the op will likely have to agree first.

lljkk · 01/02/2013 07:45

I went to toddler groups for at least 10 years before anything weird happened. I think you have to be hardcore in for the long haul.

Purplehonesty · 01/02/2013 08:34

Also sniggering at the vicar Congo...

Purplehonesty · 01/02/2013 08:34

Tsk conga!

EverybodysSnowyEyed · 01/02/2013 10:38

I went to a baby massage class and at the end the hv asked if we had any questions

One mum wanted to know where she could get socket covers - she doesn't want to buy on the Internet and she doesn't want to go all the way to x shop to find they don't sell them. Etc etc

Another Mun said she had bought some in John Lewis so all fine.

Then the questioning Mum pulled out the Argos catalogue and asked the hv what she should be buying to make sure her 3m old stays top of the class. We weren't sure if she meant the baby massage class but the rest of us beat a hasty retreat

ISeeSmallPeople · 01/02/2013 10:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Catchingmockingbirds · 01/02/2013 11:08

Mners could discreetly wear these around their neck as a way to signal to other mners, like our own much subtler insane baby group bat signal:

www.google.co.uk/search?q=panpipes+necklace&hl=en&client=safari&tbo=u&tbm=isch&source=univ&sa=X&ei=KqALUeXSJeWc0AXytYDIBA&ved=0CDwQsAQ&biw=320&bih=417#i=93