What's the most barking thing you've witnessed at a mum's group?

[Berts]

Not just the usual competitive, Stepford Mommies rubbish, but real 'back away now, slowly' stuff.

Mine was when one of the babies, ten months old fell over and banged his head. His mum picked him up to give him a cuddle (of course) but, when he didn't stop crying pretty quickly she stands him on her lap, looks him in the eye and starts barking: "Man up! Come on, Man up!"

Barking being the operative word...

Oh god, I've just remembered the time I was on a packed train with DS in his buggy, even though he was far too big for it - there weren't any seats. A dad got out his iPhone and started showing his DC pictures on it and loudly explaining about the children in AFRICA and how they went to school as well but didn't have any of the resources that his DC had. I get that he was trying to show them that they should be grateful for what they have but why do it in the corridor of a packed train?

Also the soft play one reminded me of competitive skipping dads, often the younger ones, but they always get really enthusiastic about playing with the DC at the park or wherever and you're right - they always appear at soft play! They can never climb awkwardly through a hole designed for a nine year old, they have to hop skip or jump through, on, or over everything possible just to show how involved and rad they are, yeah.

Although I must admit I think DP might be one of them - he's always swinging off trees etc - except when he does it I think "sexy" and when another dad does it I think "poser"

I'm a nanny, and more than once I've had parents ignore me or suddenly turn 'cold' when they find out. The worst one was at a huge playgroup near me, I had a 3 year old, 2 year old and baby 7m with me. The older two girls were just having a nice little tea party type affair- toddler sitting on a chair, older sister bringing tea cups etc and giving them to her. Lovely.

A mum comes up to me and starts with the usual how old are they, how old is the baby etc. Start chatting as you do when she says they are playing nicely, compliments to you. So I said thanks, I'm their nanny, had them since the eldest was 8m etc. She looks at me like I just revealed I beat them regularly to maintain order or something (I don't, it's frowned upon) and just gets up and walks off. Just the look on her face! Like I drop-kicked her puppy.

I stopped going to a group in a church for the same reason- My boss went, loved it, so I started too. All the people were lovely and welcoming til one recognised my 12m charge and loudly said 'oh isn't that xxx? You must be (boss) new nanny'. No more warmth! No one spoke to me again.

I've had the nanny thing in reverse at the park. Getting talking to a few women and they are all nannies. Tell them your the parent and they are not nasty as such just completely disinterested in talking to you.

(I don't, it's frowned upon)

red that comment has made me . it's been a long day
I dont understand the nanny/parent not friendly to each other thing.

Weird isnt it? As a new mum I palled up with an experienced nanny she saved my sanity - she was a total expert (but in such a low key kind thoughtful way) whereas I knew nothing about baby care. Good company too and as she wasnt another frazzled new mother did really interesting stuff in the evenings so I could live vicariously

Love this thread-

Lots of bizarre ones.

One woman used to chase her child around a really big church

.. Playgroup feeding it yoghurt. Yoghurt at the top of the slide never mind the queue of kids behind
Quick run more yoghurt at the bottom of the slide etc etc.

most of the mums, cms, nannies I meet are lovely and will have a little chat at playgroup, ballet, the swings etc. I guess that's why I remember the bad ones!

frustrated I'm glad my not beating the kids made you smile, they seem to appreciate it too!

Loving this thread. It's made me think I should have gone to baby groups. Might start with the new one when he arrives! :o

How weird Red! Perhaps they think you're like Supernanny and about to drill them on parenting techniques

There was a mum who used to come to our group with 2 DC, sometimes the childminder would come with them too and nobody batted an eyelid, just as friendly to either.

I did quite often wonder if the CM was a secret MNer though as she was always dressed head to toe in Boden

As a nanny I too have been ignored by the yummy mummy types when they found out I was a nanny.

When I went as a mum I always made a special effort to talk to the nannies and tried to make them feel welcome.

One group that I helped to run had a mum that was always doing course work and so ignored her son the whole time. He was truly awful and after biting several babies, we had to ask the mum to not come any more.

Skittles going down had me laughing so much I couldn't tell my dd why I was laughing (I know, I'm mean!)

Our playgroup used to visit a farm every year at lambing time. One of the parents was a rather odd French woman. There was the usual jokes between the mothers about giving birth. The French woman took umbrage because we didn't take birth sufficiently seriously and were not worthy people and as a result withdrew her child from the playgroup.
We were all delighted as her DS used to hit other children/steal their toys and was disliked by all.

Just an aside for anyone who has yet to venture into the toddler/baby group and is now thoroughly put off - I went every week for six years and never witnessed any nuttery! And we got to sit on comfy cushions on the floor and drink piping hot PROPER coffee, served by lovely pensioners who were always amused by the queue of mums eager for the first pot to finish brewing. Everyone was sensible, everyone was lovely. Going to that group kept me sane - my friend and I used to buy naice "grown ups only" cakes from the bakery on the way ". Happy days!

It's been years since I enjoyed the sheer madness that can entertain you at playgroups but ddil and I did have a bit of a morning a few months ago when we took dgd to a toddler group. All was fine until we got gathered up halfway through and invited to "Sing About Jesus". There had been no warning that it was coming either. Nor was there an easy escape route.

Yeah. I realised I had fully entered Weirdom when I found myself doing a conga with the vicar at Chatty Tuesdays. Except I didn't realise that all the other mums and their toddlers had sort of fallen off and it was just me and the vicar

Lainiekasan That image just had me snorting coffee over myself

The organizer decided all the children needed a name sticker, which was given out at a little desk at the entrance when you paid your money.

But, Oh, God, she had her preschool son writing out each and every name label, with agonising slowness. "Now, What does 'Amelia' begin with? 'A', that's right! What sort of 'A'..?. For the start of a name, sweetheart...? A capital 'A'! well done! Now, how do we write a capital 'A'... up the slope...go on, do a line going up... no, all the way up to here...that's right! now what comes next in the capital 'A'? What do you think comes next, sweetheart? Go on, what do we have to do next to make the capital 'A' for 'Amelia?' Is it a line down the slope? that's right! Do a line sloping down from the top. What do you think that looks like? Do you think it looks like anything, sloping up and then sloping down? It looks a bit like a mountain, doesn't it? Don't you think capital 'A' for 'Amelia' looks like a big high mountain? It does, doesn't it? What do we need to do now to finish the capital 'A' for 'Amelia'? It just needs one more little line. Do you know how the line should go? No? just across the middle there. Now it looks like there's a snowy top on the mountain! Well done, that's a capital 'A' for 'Amelia'! Now, what do you think comes after the 'A' in 'Amelia'...

The queue, the queue, I think babies were actually born in that queue and had teeth by the time they got into the hall.

Rupunzel My MW asked me the same thing about fathers when I walked into the booking in appointment with ds2.

She was very embarrassed when I said, yes. (Like having 2 children with 2 fathers is something to be ashamed of

The "I Don't Believe You" bit was extremely rude though. Not sure what I would have said to that.

Just to add the other side of the "deprived area" groups, I wen to a sure start group in a very deprived area of our town and it was brilliant. Everyone was lovely, watched out for each others children, got involved rather than just sitting around chatting, and closed thermos cups for all so we could have hot coffee without worrying it was going to get spilt.

No particular one person but I went to a supposedly "naice middle class" group once and it was like walking into the lion enclosure at the zoo.

Seriously, the kids were running riot. My normally quite boisterous ds1 was completely overwhelmed by it. One kid in particular running over babies fingers (purposely) in a cosy coupe type car, grabbing toys from other kids if he decided he wanted them and biting the other child if they didn't give it up. His mum would just laugh and say "Oh he's a bit of a free spirit isn't he"

The playgroup leader got some cupcakes out for the kids to decorate and honestly, it was like a frikkin rugby scrum of parents trying to make sure their child got in there first.

One woman sat there saying "oh the HV has told me I need to get dd off the juice and onto more milk or water, not sure how she expects me to do that though". While her not even 3month old dd was on her lap with a bottle of pure apple juice shoved in it's mouth.

Didn't go back there again.

Tryin out a new playgroup next week with now 2.4yr old ds2. I really hope there's a turtle boy there. Was howling at that image.

Used to help run a toddler group.

Alpha Dad arrived early as we were cutting out potato es for doing prints. Triangles, squares, the odd star. Alpha Dad decides ro join in and cuts out:

"whats this Ptolemy? Yes, your right! It's a double helix!"

Apologies for typos.

Trying to type and help ds2 feed his "baby" (doll) t the same time. Yes he does want me to breast feed it. Yes he does want me to actually get my boob out for a doll.

How's that for extreme breast feeding?

Ive always avoided baby groups. I think im going to have to start taking DS2 to them now

This thread has had me crying with laughter all day. Especially the woman with the Burka who just "fancied a change" and the turtle boy in the car seat.

Fucking panpipes!!

And the gift,and the tortoise....

Also I dont want to go into details but she needs cheese was fucking hilarious

Not a baby group, but a dance show.

We went to watch my niece galumph around to bad disco music. It was in a school hall, but with a bar attached - community centre as part of school. Child in front of us, aged about 3, needed a wee mid-show, so his mum made him piss in a pint glass so she didn't miss anything. She put it on the floor, and lo and behold, ten minutes later he kicked it over. Cue a whole row of people grabbing their belongings out of the path of a pool of warm piss....

There was a fight in the bar in the interval, too.