What's the most pretentious thing you've ever heard someone say? (lighthearted)

[LauriesFairyonthetreeeatsCake]

I went round someone's house and they were a shoe less house (no problem) but she airily pointed to a basket of slippers (felted, pointy, bright red, embroidered Tibetanny type like they have in the Toast catalogue) and said 'help yourself to the artisanal slippers'. There were dozens of pairs.

FUCK OFF - why would I want to sit around and look like an elf at your house?

these, but even pointier

A relative of mine has definite Hyacinth Bucket tendencies; she sees no irony in using the sort of purple prose you see on naff menus or in holiday brochures.

A particular classic was her account of a stay overnight in a "luxury hotel where we had a whirlpool spa bath and cocktail of our choice from the cocktail menu". DH, who nearly burst with the effort not to laugh, now refers to all such pretension as "cocktail of his choice".

Or are we being pretentious in mocking her.......

Oscar- I love that one .

I prepared a huge tray of sandwiches for a pfb first birthday party my old boss was having. Apparently they were just 'Awful, awful, like some dreadful corporate buffet'. Theres only so much you can do with a load of ham sandwiches surely. I never did find out what a correctly presented tray of sandwiches is supposed to look like.

Fozley I think a bit of both! but I love her speech! I want to talk like that all the time.

"I've just been to the cafe, I had the managers special with grease-laden rashers for one and free cup of instant coffee on the side."

Me: Scarlett, do you need to go to the toilet?

Daughter: No mummy, it's not the toilet it is the loo!! It's not nice to call it the toilet.

She is three.

Maria maybe she'd have liked <a class="break-all" href="http://www.google.co.uk/imgres?um=1&hl=en&tbo=d&biw=1366&bih=677&tbm=isch&tbnid=7XVYi-eHZkQ1PM:&imgrefurl=www.karennutton.co.uk/CategoryView,category,gadget.aspx&docid=4SFA-wOl8HZTCM&imgurl=www.karennutton.co.uk/content/binary/Windows-Live-Writer/42090c6d5012_B68E/untitled.png&w=468&h=318&ei=EWetUNTFOaLM0AXXmoGoDw&zoom=1&iact=hc&vpx=1053&vpy=4&dur=844&hovh=185&hovw=272&tx=192&ty=96&sig=104970589120948811459&page=2&tbnh=141&tbnw=198&start=27&ndsp=28&ved=1t:429,r:39,s:0,i:203" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">these sandwiches

Mates four year old brother announcing, "goodness, Daddy, look at all those awful people" as we traveled on an escalator. I wouldn't mind but we were in John Lewis!

They're fantastic sandwiches and multi purpose too. She was a very pretentious woman. She donated all her carrier bags to a local market stall to reuse. They loved to see her coming apparently because of all the lovely posh bags she always gave them.

I don't get the faux embarrassment over sushi/olives/pesto/hummus etc either.It's just food surely?Nothing special about them.
Well I'm not convinced that olives are food,though they do make lovely oil,but that's because they're disgusting,not because they're terribly exotic or anything.And I'm in the West of Scotland.

I know banana....I feel like there should be no embarrassment attached to brioche either! It' Brioche! You can buy them in the CoOp!

Depends where you are with the food ones. In some areas it would posh to eat a Twiglet

Dsis to DD "when do you start skoo-will?" (Think of the accents in The Committments)

DD (age 5) "It's not skoo-will Aunty Bottom, it's schoooool" (v posh D4 accent) Dublin 4 is the poshest part of Dublin (we live nowhere near it)

Don't get me started on the wrongness of Twiglets and all things Marmite.

Banana, I think it's because there is a particular brand of loud parent who likes to advertise the fact whilst walking round Waitrose that their dcs have terribly sophisticated palates. Heaven forbid that one should be mistaken for such a middle class show off if one's child really does prefer the deli counter to the Haribo display .

When I was younger apparently we took my great aunt to McDonalds where she asked the staff for the salt and pepper, cutlery and looked in vain for the naice table with the table cloth! I think that was her first and last visit.

Again this was me when about 3, we had been in holiday in UK and visited my mum's wealthy boss' country house for the day, which I spent playing with boss' grandchildren. When home again we visited a national trust house. Cue me spending the whole time squealing excitedly about its similarities to my friend's house!

When at university I somehow ended up in the posh halls of residence, filled with people striding around saying 'do you know who my father is?' Funnily enough, no and neither do I care!

I was once cooking whilst being on the phone to my aunt and came out with "oh bother, I just dropped a jar of tapenade on my caffeteirre (sp, mind blank) and the dratted thing has broken".
And was recently at a friends house when her DS walked in and said "mummy, where is the green iPad?" turns out they have three iPads in that house. Pink, blue and green. The blue one apparently wouldn't do!

I have to say I am quite enjoying the stealth boasting...

Thankyou for the explanation,Fozzley.

I definitely wouldn't be embarrassed about brioche either.It's just bread.Particuarly delicious bread perhaps,but nothing extraordinary.

I agree re stealth boasting,and think the thread would be far more honest if was replaced with a smug .

I'm still lmao at the artisanal slippers though. It's worth it for that alone.

I was pretty insufferable when I was small.
We were lucky to live in a big house because my Dad was very good at renovations and my parents managed to buy it cheap to do up.
I didn't like to go to friends' houses to play and always asked them to come back to my house instead, I can clearly remember saying to one friend's Mum "It's just that I get claustrophobic on your landing and we can't put a den in your airing cupboard..." I would complain to DM that "They don't have an attic OR a cellar, or outbuildings either!"

DM gleefully tells me that I also would point at houses out of the car window and say "Why do people want to live in these houses? They are all so squashed together and small."

At 6 I was a pretty insufferable snob it seems that explains why I didn't have many friends

Mum at school said once about house cleaning

'I like to clean the bathrooms before the cleaner comes but it takes up so much time as we have 5 bathrooms'

Hmm between 3 people yes must get very dirty!!

We have the Irish Apprentice over here in Oirland (Or rather had, tis been cancelled I am sure). I remember last year reading about the contestants in the paper at my parents for Sunday dinner.

My sister says "What are you reading about?"
I say "The Irish Apprentice=It starts next week.."
She says "The Irish Apprentice?? Goodness, how provincial.."

She was deadly serious too. We are Irish, and not from the nice side of the city either! I love reminding her of it!

My 5 year old turned down blue pop at a party because "it contains chemicals, mummy." I will admit to being pleased, though my 3 year old happily consumed his brother's chemicals.

On telling one school mum how much I enjoyed our stay at a hotel in the Dominican Republic..her reply.." Really, I thought it was feculent "
Now I try to employ that word as often as possible..