What's the most pretentious thing you've ever heard someone say? (lighthearted)

[LauriesFairyonthetreeeatsCake]

I went round someone's house and they were a shoe less house (no problem) but she airily pointed to a basket of slippers (felted, pointy, bright red, embroidered Tibetanny type like they have in the Toast catalogue) and said 'help yourself to the artisanal slippers'. There were dozens of pairs.

FUCK OFF - why would I want to sit around and look like an elf at your house?

these, but even pointier

Mirage my parents only have 20, so I suppose we are as common as I always suspected. :o They don't farm it though, it's forest.

I've always thought of eating game as posh, and I'd definitely think someone was posh if they were feeding their baby pheasant puree or similar!

So I have learnt something from this thread

I don't think I've ever eaten game though.

I heard some comedian saying that what you would do if you saw a fox can be a guide to your socioeconomic standing.
If you are upper class, you would call to hounds or whatever the correct expression is.
If you are middle class, you would get your children to draw a picture of it and send it off to Blue Peter.
If you are rural working class, you would shoot it and make it into soup.

Boy in my college at uni thought he was the king of the twats

My friend: "My parents come from (insert name of city).
Boy: Oh I'm so sorry, that must be terrible for you.

Same boy: "When my mother went to finishing school in Switzerland..."

Same boy: " Did you know that some people's mothers work full time?"

And finally: " Some students have a job as well! How sweet!"

He featured a few years later on Ladette to Lady as one of the eligible bachelors! You get the idea ...

A work colleague when asked about their DC's unusual middle name said 'Everyone in the family is given an Iron Age Hill Fort as a middle name'.

"Everyone in the family is given an Iron Age Hill Fort as a middle name"

How I wish I'd though of that - could have started a family tradition!

Up until recently I lived in the countryside so very used to rural ways. But it's pretentious to insist your child ONLY eats game when you live in central London.

'I watched a programme a posh chef was telling us what to do with left over venison'

No you didn't, that is a very old Billy Connolly joke.

Many years ago I completed a work experience placement at a local primary school and one afternoon I was sat in a Year Two class where the teacher was reading a book about dinosaurs.

At one point the teacher said, "There were two diplodocuses..." To which a rather precocious but undoubtedly very bright six year old piped up and said, "May I suggest the correct term in the plural would actually be diplodoci?"

This would be the same child who, when asked to write a few sentences about what he had done at the weekend, came out with this little gem: 'Daddy and I had an enjoyable discussion about the history of the Anglican Communion.'

I have heard some pretentious lines over the years but that little boy takes some beating!

'May I suggest the correct term in the plural would be...' DS2 says this sort of thing all the time. .

Ds1 came out with a corker this evening. He was laying the fire and said 'I have brought a variety of offerings with which to feed the fire.'

Parent said about her DD 'oh she was born with bells on, she's simply so talented'

discrete I am, for some reason, imagining your DS in a neck ruffle and buckle shoes.....

A dear friend at uni (who would be the first to admit he was a bit of a ponce) - I can't remember what we were watching but it was totally incomprehensible and I said 'nah, don't get it' to which he replied 'yes, it is rather outside of our frame of cultural reference'.

To me though - pretentious is not just being educated and correct.

PMSL at that image, we have enough trouble getting him to put on a sweater the right way round! He is a right scruff...

the pretentiousness comes from his father not me

The correct word for knowing it is diplidocii is precocious - not pretentious.

If you are 5 - otherwise it not worthy or note.

"Is this the same salami we had in Firenze?"

BIL: "We can't get a baby sitter because everyone round us is working class so they won't babysit for anyone other than family."

Can't imagine why people don't want to babysit for them, can you?

Recently heard: "The bus stops just 100 yards down the avenue. Of course, if we were in Paris there would be an RER stop outside the door. Those are my standards, you see. It's why I pop over the channel most weekends for the theatre, you know..."

When I was 5 I went to school and was asked what my favourite music was.
I said Rachmaninov.
My mum is proud of this fact and repeats it often

Also in a pilates class a woman asked 'does anyone know whether one wears a hat to the races in Paris? Anyone?'

Oh, I apparently when i was about 11 I was in a class when the teacher said that the only word that has no other rhyming word was 'orange'.

I piped up with 'what about blanc mange?'

I do not speak french, have never spoken french, but was very into Enid Blyton and the Magic Faraway Tree.

You have to understand - i am Australian, and was in Australia at the time.

My parents were apologising it at parent teacher evenings for years.

My friend's 3 year old DD comes out with some corkers. 'Mummy! That bottle is the exact colour of my mange tout!'