What's the most pretentious thing you've ever heard someone say? (lighthearted)

[LauriesFairyonthetreeeatsCake]

I went round someone's house and they were a shoe less house (no problem) but she airily pointed to a basket of slippers (felted, pointy, bright red, embroidered Tibetanny type like they have in the Toast catalogue) and said 'help yourself to the artisanal slippers'. There were dozens of pairs.

FUCK OFF - why would I want to sit around and look like an elf at your house?

these, but even pointier

DS aged 4, when we went to the local playground.

Me: Have you found someone to play with DS?
DS: Yes, I've commandeered another little boy ...

Not so much pretentious but really really stupid!

I used to work in a large male prison, I was helping out on a parole board hearing. I walked to the gate to collect the very posh, well spoken judge who was going to say yay or nay to the guy wanting the parole.

As we were walking back to the room, we were having a pleasant chit chat and he actually said 'do you live inside here then'! is he for real

I just laughed and said no I have my own house a few miles away!

Some people really do live in a different world!

My godson, aged almost 4, stroked my newborn dd's head and said "Mummy, I'm really impressed with this baby".

love artisanal slippers and legot

My best ever example is actually my sister who is not at all a ponce although it sounds like it from the following. Dsis and Dnephew were in a sweetshop. DN was about 7.

DN (looking at the counter): Mummy, what's a slush puppy?
DSis: It's like granita darling.

I have never, ever let her forget it.

Overheard by my father. Both said by a woman who was on the same legal course that he was.

"My firm are very good. They give me a day off during the week so I don't have to hunt with the hoi polloi from London".

"I thought he was pukka until I found he worked in Beckenham".

Gutted that I've come to the end! I've been having a real snort at some of these. Next!

I've got one, I've got one!

Years ago we invited v smart army officer and his new girlfriend to supper. Conversation turned to work and I asked her what she did.

"i've just opened a dry cleaners in Virginia Water." (chichi area of Berkshire)

Apparently embarrassed that he was going out with someone in a service industry, her boyfriend leapt into conversation immediately "But Snooky's business has a different formula"

"oh really?" i wittered on "yes, i've noticed that some dry cleaners seem to use stronger chemicals than others"

"oh no" he went on "snooky's shop has a leather sofa in reception"

On a train, vair posh man (even had a top hat)! Train pulled into a busy station, he looked in disgust and said 'My GOD, who ARE all these people?'. His wife/travelling companion was clearly not from the same background and looked really embarrassed.

In response to the sainsbury's one (I know this thread isn't the place for it, but it's funny) I heard this gem bellowed at top volume in tesco: Toddler running around shouting, screaming and knocking stuff over. Mum shouts 'Serenity, Shut Uuuuup' (pronounced without any t sounds). Fantastic.

I was hanging out with some rich types once and had a silent chuckle about how pretentious they were being about eating pheasant and duck...where I come from (Minnesota) that's poor people's food, 'cause you can "buy" it for the price of a bullet. :o

(And by poor people I mean me, because my freezer always has the pheasant, duck, venison, and walleye DH gets in it!)

I'm afraid I've said something really really pretentious once but I was drunk and properly pissed off.

Was at a friends birthday drinks in an expensive "viewing" venue in London. A mate and I popped down from the viewing gallery to the bar below to get a quick drink and a change of scenery. We ordered two cocktails and two shots. I asked for the bill and was presented with a £60 bar bill. When I questioned it with the barman his boss came over and started getting really mardy saying that we should perhaps check the prices before we ordered and that you should expect that from a "bar of this calibre". I was so incensed that I started shouting "a bar of this calibre? I drink at The Sanderson!!"

Friends ds started school and went in at lunchtime for his first school meal. After being given his choice he asked "Do we not get a starter?"

In friend's defence they had just come back from a holiday where they had eaten out most evenings.

Can I just confirm, I don't use the word 'thusly' in normal conversation; its a thread about pretentiousness, I was gilding the lily.

I have a lovely friend who is wonderful, but will insist on calling her children's school Montessori every single time! Never just plain old school. "I've had such a busy day. Had to drop x off at Montessori, then race around all day, then back to Montessori..." etc.

Yes, we get it, your kids go to Montessori!!!

I have some. Last week our cat had to have a big operation. When I went to collect him from the vet he was in a bad way. The (very posh and horsey) vet told me to keep him warm and comfortable by keeping him by the aga. I live in a 3 bed semi on a housing estate. The aga.. I wish.

I used to have a very posh ex public schoolboy boss who liked to hunt and shoot. He used to bring his gun dog into work with him and let the dog sit under his desk all day. When I asked him why he liked shooting the poor birdies so much his exasperated reply was "I was brought up shooting on my Grandfather's estate in Scotland." Oh ok then.

Another job I had was at a small private property company. The owers were very wealthy. One Christmas we were all taken first class on eurostar to Paris for a day trip (I know). On the train I was chatting to the owners son (who worked for the company) and asked him what his plans for the day were. He answered "I'm going to the museum of modern art to see Daddy's painting". I replied (with a startled look on my face) "Your father paints?" to which he replied "Oh no, he just has one of his Matisse's on loan to the museum".

Actually not pretentious as such, but because we now live in the (tiniest house in a very affluent) area in North East USA, I have heard a few corkers:

"So we bought our house in November and I was doing the washing up in March and looked out of the window when the snow had melted, and I said to my husband "Look darling, we have a swimming pool!"

And:

"Yes, we wanted to go to our other house in Florida, but my dog was ill, so we had him put on the private jet a few days later"

"My ex-boss's dd, with all the condescension of a 6yo: "We're upper class," (like hell were they!) "You work for my dad, does that make you working class?"

A radio station for the "well to do"? Which country are you in, Bumble?

frantic - I swear I could turn up as a subject on this thread - I've been told off by colleagues for listening to the Today programme because it was clearly snobbishness on my part rather than just liking it?!!!?!?!!!. Indeed i was told off for it by an english expat who hadn't lived in the UK since the 1970s so these ideas seem to run deep!

Ooops! Mega fail. < whispers, "Me too in that case, Anna.">

MIL likes to be posh.
Out in a pub where there was karaoke, I suggested she get up and sing.
"Oh, no, I'd be casting my pearls before swine"
She also tells dh and his siblings not to tell anyone they lived in Birmingham. "Say it was the West Midlands"

One of my colleagues has a really strong Dublin accent. She was trying to explain to a very posh but slightly deaf lady from Dublin 4 ( as someone said upthread the poshest part of Dublin) what lenses she should have in her glasses.
The lady couldn't make out what my colleague was saying and colleague kept raising her voice a little louder each time she tried to explain.
Eventually the old lady turned to her friend and said "It's the diction I don't understand. She must be from the inner city"

My dsis runs her guests a bath before they get in her spotless, posh beds. 'Oh ok, I've just run your bath' she says.

Me and family always refuse to have one. (because we probably already had one that day before setting off, and even if we hadn't we wouldn't have one just to make a point etc)

When I used to work in a pub, a girl came to work with us. She was ridiculously posh, daughter of a commodore and had been sent out the door to work for her keep on the back of an extended gap 2 year before university. She was very bohemian, completely clueless about anything relating to money, budgeting, real life...but was utterly, utterly lovely. Classics from her over an 8 week period included:

"I've never seen anyone drink this much apart from at Charity Gala's."

"Damson wine? I think my Mum bought that for our housekeeper last year for Christmas."

And best of all, while showing us pictures of her travels in India:

"The poverty was terribly upsetting, you have no idea. It was a really humbling experience. (Turns the page) This is where my driver lived..."

When I was a single parent to my DS I started dating a rather rich, public school type. One evening (we hadn't planned to meet) there was a knock on the door and there he was with 4 people behind him.

"Sorry to bother you, my mates have never seen inside a council flat, could they have a look round?"

I was a so flabbergasted I just stepped back and let them. I dumped him but wow that stung at the time...

When I bought my first house - a gorgeous little semi, about 100 years old and in need of a bit of love, I brought my sister to come and see it. She was about 12 at the time. My joined-on neighbours and ones from an end terrace further up the road came to talk to me as we got out of the car and one of then said to her "so, what do you think to your sister's new house?" To which she replied: "it's ok, but it's joined to another. It's not the sort of house I would buy, but at least it's not terraced."
Just so you know - 12 years later and she's living in a semi. Just like me!