If my 3yo had access to AIBU...

[allhailtheaubergine]

AIBU to throw my bowl of pear across the kitchen?

Earlier today I demanded that my mother stop what she was doing and immediately get me a pear. She is by nature a difficult woman and she insisted on finishing her wee and washing her hands first . I explained loudly that this was unacceptable but, typically for her, my protestations only made her more stubborn. Then she moved the goalposts and decided that I could only have my pear if I said "please" (actually I worry about her in this respect - she is utterly obsessed with that word, it's not normal) so I stormed around the house for 25 minutes or so and then eventually gave in and said please (so now she'll think if she holds out long enough I'll end up saying "please" every time - made a rod for my own back there ).

Anyway, she asked me if I wanted the pear to be cut up or whole. I replied "cutted up" and the utter arse of a woman cut up my pear! I was speechless with rage! Obviously, words were not enough to express my fury so I threw the cutted up pear across the kitchen and kicked her in the shins.

WIBU?

I think she genuinely thinks I am BU and it's causing me to doubt myself. What do you think?

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Several posts later [dripfeed]:

Oh, and then I weed in my shorts because I was still cross. That'll learn her.

sorry sunshines didn't realise you are in year 1

Great thread

Well my mother IBU yet again. She is insisting that I do not 'need' to feed for 3 hours solid, or that I am not being kind and showing her my gorgeous toothy-pegs by scraping them on her mik-miks. She keeps yelping and saying 'ow'. AIBU to think that if I do not want my horrid sandwich at lunchtime, or my yukky sweet potato (I only pretended to like it last time) at dinnertime, that I am entitled to at LEAST a 4-hr bf?

My stupid mother also keeps trying to catch me when I let go of the sofa. Can she not see that I am trying to walk? And she should move the floor further away from my head, to enable it not to ouch me when I am being clever? Because when she doesn't catch me, if she moved the floor further away from my head, I wouldn't feel the need to kick it and scream when it purposely HITS me when I am being big and clever and walking? She keeps claiming that I am too little to do walking, and I should 'slow down' because my legs aren't strong enough. I mean WTactualF? I am a big big boy now, I am 7 AND A HALF months old, and I want to do walking because then I can break more of her things. WHY does she not realise this??!!

I have decided to punish her by waking the very second her head hits the pillow and INSISTING on another bf. Then I will loudly insist she plays patty-cake with me for at least another two hours. I will then fall asleep and, just as she is falling asleep, I will noisily demand another bf. I have an agreement with my very big brother who is NEARLY 8YO and has had LOTS of practise with training our wayward mother, that he will wake up JUST as I have finished that last bf. And he will loudly demand his weetabix, he can't pour the big-boy mik-mik in the bowl cos it goes on the floor so Mummy has to do it. And if Mummy doesn't, he will cry until my EVEN bigger brother is woken up and very grumpy. Do you think that will learn her not to try to feed me such disgusting offerings as a sandwich and mushy sweet potatoes?

I hate to say it fellow comrades, but it does not get any easier!! If anything they get much more u as we get older! I don't understand now I'm 13 how I can possibly be expected to have a reasonable bed time or actually remember who I am talking to, I know exactly who I am talking to in that sarcastic voice!! That is why I'm talking to you slowwwwwllllllly, I mean when they ask stupid questions like that, is it any wonder you give them the "look", if they weren't so stupid they'd know you were talking to them like that!
And at 13 why do I have to ask permission to do stuff, I mean I can leave home soon and everything, but no, you must ask!! But you try forgetting ANYTHING!! Oh no, then it's you should be more responsible, make your mind up!!! And why oh why can I not have grand theft auto four, I know I get to be a pimp in it, but all my mates have got it, but no it's got some stupid age rating thing (that some old fogey who has obviously never played it has set) and I can't have it, and get this, they've even turned the whole family against it!!!! I've heard them, on the phone saying DO NOT BUY THIS GAME, under any circumstances, it's just not fair, and then they wonder why I stamp up the stairs shouting about how stupid they are!! I have tried to educate them, but it seems not to work, I wish when I was younger there was a help group like this set up that would have given me some pointers! Maybe my life would be soooooo much better now! Any tips would be gratefully received.

Mini Machin Age 13

Dear HuntyCat

You must work harder to stay awake for longer, it's the only way to break them. If you want my advice I would say you should do one of those big poo poo's that squishes out of the sidey nappy bit so that she has to choose between big brother milk and poo poo explosion. time it so big brother gets really really cross with being ignored. Ha that'll teach her to give you squashed frog sandywitches.

love from baby Font one big year old.

Dear mini Machin

what is a pimp?

thanks you
baby font one big year old

Yo BabyFont

Apparently its this thing where they have prostitutes, although I'm not really sure what that is, and they send them out to earn money, and if they don't get enough you get to beat them up (in the game of course). I did explain to Mum and Dad that I Know it's only a game, but they said get this, "it's not appropriate" I mean of course I'm not going to become a pimp from playing a game that everyone has got it at school, but they just will not see sense!! I just don't know what to do!!!

I can't believe you are even asking this AIBU question. I have never been unreasonable. Ever.

I do love my little bro, as he is my teammate in keeping DM constantly sleep deprived (which makes her more malleable to my wishes) but I find using him the easiest way to keep DM on her toes, one minute I will hug little bro the next minute I will push him over. I give no warning when I am suddenly going to turn so she is constantly waiting for the next shove and often carries him round which gives me the opportunity to knock my drink over/grab the car keys/hide the ipod/etc while both her hands are full.

My DM uses a pimp to blow up the paddling pool but she laughs at me when I call it that. She is a weirdo.

SmallSteel 3.4

I am 15. My mum is watching the Pink Floyd night on bbc4. What an utter philistine, she knows nothing of culture or art. I want to watch x factor redux. I do secretly admit I have googled images of Dave Gilmour but he is the same age as grandad.

AIBU to shout 'wee wee' very loudly whenever I want to get down from my pushchair, highchair or carseat, so that Mummy has to stop whatever she's doing to sort me out, just in case I do actually need a wee?
AIBU to keep her on her toes by occasionally managing to squeeze out a couple of drops of wee wee, so she can never be sure if I'm bluffing or not? FGS, she had the nerve tonight to tell me my potty had gone night-nights after I'd broken off my last feed 3 times to have my jammie bottoms and pull-ups off and sit on the potty, then escape and go and see my big brothers in their bedroom, before refusing very loudly rationally to have anything put back on so I could finish my milk.
I think she was wanting her special juice, bless her

Shipskitten 21 months (but really 5 like my brothers, so of course I can do everything they can - why does no-one believe me?!)

AIBU to campaign for more Parent and Child parking spaces

Have you tried shopping with these parents? Honestly, I'd do it myself but my mother is very controlling about the food that comes into the house (actually, she is very controlling about food generally, and has some very odd ideas about nutrition - "petit filous and breadsticks do not constitute a balanced diet", "this banana is exactly the same as that banana", "why won't you eat cauliflower, you loved cauliflower yesterday", "Gravel is not food!" . I think she has ishoos).

Firstly, have you seen the SIZE of these parents - usually at least 5-6ft! We need the extra parking space just to get them out of the cars. And then they always have to being an enormous bag of "essentials" with them - nappies, wipes, toys. If I have told her once I have told her a thousand times that I am happy to sit in my own poo - the fact that she isn't says more about HER than about ME. I have voiced my displeasure at being changed in the ladies loo on more than once occasion (most memorably causing a passerby to purse lips, tut loudly and say " never had this trouble in my day") - yet still she insists on changing me when out and about.

Also, she deliberately selects my most hated toys. She will claim that "You love Captain Caterpillar yesterday". FFS, I KNOW that I have always hated Captain Capterpillar, and only love Yellow Duck. Gaslighting, much?

And once you are in there, my god they shop for hours! I have tried to speed things up by helping them - getting tins off the shelf, throwing extraneous items out of the trolley - but they rarely appreciate this. I have resorted to explaining to them how stupid they are being in a VERY reasonable tone of voice, but rather than listen rationally they tend to just rush around ever more frantically and erratically whilst weeping "please be quiet, we're nearly finished, please be quiet."

Then, when we finally get back to the car they actually TIE ME DOWN IN THE CAR SEAT before unpacking the shopping.

The whole sorry situation is such an affront to my dignity that the provision of a Parent and Child parking space provides at least some comfort. So more of them. NOW.

BabyGnome

I am going to be late for football training because my Mum is on the computer laughing at a webiste for Mums and fishing ? bizarre - Mumsnet ?

Avantia Junior age 11

OH okay I get it, mummies have a pimp to blow up stuff so a prostitute must be a big blow up thingy that makes money...like a bouncy castle. Cool, I wonder if my mummy has a pimp.

I want less parking spaces so no mummies can go shopping cos they won't fit in the normal people spaces.

I have a great way to help mummy put me in my car seat. When she picks me up I pretend like I have no bones I make me all floppy. Tee hee. Serves her right for buying me food when I want shoe licks.

I discovered shoe licks too - I don't have my own shoes yet (just how unfair is that? Big brother, even more big brother and even even more big sister ALL have their own shoes, and I haven't got any ). So I found a muddy pair of big brothers and was giving them shoe licks. When Mummy found out, she stole them away and said they were dirty. Well DUUUUH! That's why I wanted shoe licks.

minihuntycat I hear you. I think my mummy is a touch OCD about dirt. I mean she makes me wash my hands EVERY time I do a wee, she makes me have a bath like almost every day and she wipes my face all the time when it's only food and pen and mud and stuff on it. And she shouts at my baby sister for putting her hands in her poo when she is having a new nappy or eating gravel.

I'm quite worried really. Do you think I should seek help for her?

MiniMerc aged 5

Apparently, I can't eat biscuits for breakfast but my mummy can because she has a throat infection and noisy cough which woked me up in the night. She says that those rich biscuits dunked in her 'hot hot' cup are soft for her poorly bits. She never gave them to me when I had sore gums..... and she moaned last time I put my toast in her hot hot cup. She had the cheek to tell my aunty that you need to be consistent with children. I don't think she knows what that means!

Yum yum gravel is sooooo tasty, like shoe licks but crunchier.

Shoes are awesome! I don't get why my mom insists on putting them on my feet, I mean, obviously they are meant for licking! and HuntyCat, I hear you, what's her obsession with not letting me lick her shoes??? I'm just trying to help her look prettier with clean shoes.

And by the way why does she never lets me lick her mobile phone? I mean it's always near her mouth, and what's this excuse about I need to speak with your daddy? you can play with it later.... I know my daddy ringed so I could find her mobile, and I'm sure he'll rather hear the sound of my licking that her voice

Almost forgot, when is she going to understand that I want need her laptop, I don't care that she's buying groceries or paying a credit card, I need to figure out how to take out all those tasty black bits with white drawings, I need to eat them!!!!... off to try to distract her by chewing on the cable...

I love the taste of gravel and the sound it makes against my teeth. I have even learnt to open doors and climb steps to get to it.

MiniMerc2 aged 1

Baby skip, am hearing you with the need for consistency.

All week, I have been helping mummy by having a lie-in in the mornings. She said this was making her stressed and late as she had to do something called "the school run" (there was no running involved so not sure what that was all about), and then dash back for "work"-ha.

So today I thought I would be helpful so she wouldn't get stressed on the run thing and get up at 5.40. Only for her to get upset as why couldn't she have a lie-in on the weekend? Gah! And then she wouldn't play!

Do you think if I use the puppy's clicker thing that would be better in her training programme? :)

Me again. My Mum was BU yet again, she wouldn't play with me when I woke at 3am even though I flashed her my biggest, cutest smile! Even DADDY wouldn't play with me & he's usually a soft touch! Although she did hold my hand until I fell asleep, I'm slowly getting through!

She has redeemed herself slightly this morning by letting me watch Saturday Morning Kitchen in my bouncer. I don't know what it is about it but I find it very funny. I think it may be the colours? ^Pretty, pretty magic picture box...

[MasterMiniWii, 14 weeks]

crying with laughter here, 'I am not a cup' -ah ha ha ha! And the rest :)

Today Mummy told me off for not changing my pull-up pants. They were only put on last night - I certainly do not need to change them just because she says they are full of wee and are stinky. I did the only thing anyone could do in such an unjust siruation - I screamed and said that I would not change my pants, and I would not go to the toilet or wear big boy pants - does she think I don't know that's only a sneaky way to try and get me to take my lovely, squishy pants off?

Anyway, she knows now that if she makes me change my pull-ups I only take the new, horrid one off and run around with a bare bottom and my winkle wobbling around, so she has stopped doing that. I screamed and cried for a couple of hours just to tell her how cross I was though.

Then Grandpa arrived, and told me it was twenty to eleven, so I let him take the pull-up off, and smiled at him while mummy got a wipe and cleaned off the fluff - do you know, it was stuck all over my legs and winkle and everywhere! I call that bad Mummying. Then I chose my nice big boy pants with stars on, and leaned on her head while she put them on so that I could sit on Grandpa's lap.

She still keeps asking me to put a clean tee shirt on though. Honestly, will her demands never stop? AndDaddy is in the kitchen making dinners (does he not know it isn't dinner time for ages yet?) and won't play on Super Mario Galaxies and let me collect the stars. It's neglect, I tell you.

Oh, and Mummy told me off at lunchtime, too, for "pestering my little sister". I was only standing in front of her high chair entertaining her by dancing and making silly faces while she ate her sandwich. How is it my fault that she wanted to watch me and not eat anything at all? Maybe Daddy should have given her marmalade sandwiches like mine, and not peanut butter. She'd have eaten that.

Honestly, do I have to think of everything around here?