As the name suggests, I am sadly (but not that sadly) doing a shiney penguin....

[sadlydoingshineypenguins]

Quick potted history. With boyfriend 9 months. Not that serious but we had had the exclusive talk. Met on a dating site.

About a month ago had a feeling something wasn't right. Few nights he was supposed to be here and cancelled for dopey reasons that set my spidey sense tingling.

Looked on the dating site and lo and beholdy there is was, active, having logged in in the last 24 hours.

But I am not as stupid as he thinks I am.

I set up a profile called thisblokeliesandcheats (it's been taken down) with all his details except photo and spelled out what he'd done (thanks whoever that was who suggested that one) and I will probably do it again

At this point he's said he's coming here Thursday night to stop for the weekend (he doesn't work Friday)

BUT he has also arranged to meet "Anna" off the dating site at a lovely new restaurant for lunch on the Friday about an hour away from here (half an hour from his house)

Obviously, I am Anna.

So, how long do I keep this going. My teeth are itching I want to tell him so much

Am also a little upset, but I had nothing invested in the relationship, so my pride has taken a hit and I feel a bit of a mug but other than that am grand.

Vote for classics please. Even DH is wearing a stripy top today (as is DD, 4 months).

Right, now when you dump him say I just don't feel like I can be myself with you huns

Yay! I'm checking back in ahead of the RL dump.

Looking forwards to round 2!

Yay! Classics.

"Doing a shiney penguin" will be in the dictionary before we know it

It's been an hour! please dump him now

Phew!

I have NEVER read so many pages of a thread at such speed before to find out what is happening. I am now cross eyed!

Well the fuck done Sadly, you are actually anything but sadly in my book. What a star you are for letting us all in on your misfortune of meeting this wank stain.

As predicted, he now wants to come and meet with you after being dumped by the lovely 'Anna'.

What an complete knob rash this guy is.

Hopefully, you'll find someone worthy of you some time soon.

I shall be here later on with a large glass of and plenty more to go around for the grand finale!

I don't own anything stripy so have coloured in an old pair of ankle socks, dark blue stripes, with felt tip pen in your honour!

Go YOU! xx

yy HeidiHole, the wait is agonizing

dump bellendboy

I started to quite like Anna. Especially the lolz.

Awww come on, do it please - it's half past midnight here and I really need to go to bed very soon - how much longer?? I want to be in at the "kill", iyswim. [desperate]

Back from shopping, soaking wet. Have we dumped him yet?

I've just caught up with all of this - sorry but whoever said 'ignore him and take the higher ground' was wrong. You are a true genius.

now hurry up and get on with the dumping text please

Could you managing a dumping text with every cliche going? Cram 'em all in?

"It's not you, it's me. I feel like we've grown apart. We both want such different things. I will always value you as a friend: I love you but I'm not in love with you. Oh, and your penis is surprisingly small. Sadlyxxx"

Might have to leave out "You're too nice "

Looking forward to dumping mark 2!

I would send a "I've realised I'm just not that into you. Best call it a day" then refuse all contact

I'd go further. I'd go with "I've realised that I don't actually like you very much."

Surely it shoudl be "It's not me, it's you, you ugly, yellow, no good wanktard. Go to the station and buy yourself a ticket to the far side of fuck. ONE WAY!"

Bloody hell, MANAGE. wtf is up with my typing today?

Thing is, it's a 9 month relationship - he'll want more than a dump text, surely? This is where the singing telegram would have been good again.

Definitely go with "it's not me, it's you" and then maybe follow it with something like "I'm just not that into you and I realise I deserve better than anything you've got. Have a nice life"

oooooooo, how about the nice approach, so he regrets you?

I'm really sorry to dump you by text but I'm too emotional to see you. I've met someone else and I think it's only fair to end things with you before I start anything with them. I hope you'll understand.

Then check out the view from the Moral Highground.

Oooh, I really like the 'It's not me, it's you' approach... ha ha ha!

I know its late for you TW, but you've really got the daggers out!

Loving this thread!

I think for the dumping text:

I'm sorry - I've fallen for this amazing woman. Anna is a beautiful, beautiful person and she fulfils me in a way you never could. Meeting her has made me realise everything that was wrong with our relationship.

Leave him wondering if it's just a co-incidence

My brain is much sharper late at night, mistle!

NO NICENESS! It's meant to leave his ego in tatters. Dumped twice in one day, one by a blind (actually not that blind after all) date, who thinks he's old, fat and ugly and then by his GF of 9m who just CBA with him any more.

Tatters, I tell you!

And no mention of Anna.