The MN meaning of Liff

[AuntieBulgaria]

Douglas Adams and John Lloyd wrote a book called The Meaning of Liff that used existing place names to give names to commonly recognised feelings, experiences and objects that didn't already have a word for them.

For example:

Cotterstock - a piece of wood used to stir paint and thereafter stored uselessly in a shed in perpetuity.

I was thinking last night, as I stood behind my 3.5 year old daughter sort of herding/hooshing her upstairs to the bath avoiding a variety of potential distractions, there ought to be a word for this.

And then I thought, there are probably loads of commonly recognised parenting phemonema that could be 'Liffed'.

I browsed google maps this morning and came up with the following place name/ definition combos but would love to know yours too...

Kirtling - benign kettling required to keep small child going in the direction you need them to.

Poxwell - act of knowingly covering up of active chicken pox spots in order to make a quick dash into shop for milk or make an international plane flight home.

Ousden - constant flow of greeny/silver snot from small boys, the trail said snot leaves on the shoulders of all of your clothes; 'ooh, hang on, you've got a bit of ousden on that shirt'.

I am sure there must be good definitions for:

Two Mile Bottom
Throop
Weeley
Little Clacton and Great Clacton

And good place names for:

The poo that takes out an entire outfit.

The child-related objects (spare pants, raisins, playmobile duchesses) that fall out of your handbag in important business situations.

The face that teenagers pull when you suggest a healthy walk after lunch.

DonaghCloney The really smelly poo that your baby or toddler does exactly at the moment that you join the checkout queue, step into a lift, enter the doctor's surgery.

desborough that feeling you get when you realise there are no clean nappies in the bag and a large poo has been done.

weedon the feeling that follows desborough due to an un-nappied child.

Bucklebury When you get a bit of skin caught in a fastening, like a zip or buckle.

Winklebury Similar ,but more specific.

We need a name for the act of rapidly passing off the baby to your partner after smelling a DonaghCloney and suspecting a Boswell.

Ooh KenDoddsDadsDog - that's a rich seam of place names :-)

Ballynabragget - the woman at baby and parent groups who says her baby has slept through from 6 weeks, but looks too knackered for it to be true.

Muckle Flugga - the effort from carrying a heavy, sleeping child upstairs to it's bed.

Shingay-cum-Wendy The epic tantrum just as you're about to leave, caused by a lost toy that must not be left behind and which is discovered, when you're already an hour late for the wedding, in a corner of the playhouse.

Piddletrenthide: the ring of wee on the bathroom floor made by a DS misaiming again, which you only discover when someone treads in it!

This thread is hilarious, thank you!

Muckle Flugga was the name of the Night Garden character who got sacked for his drug problem. His song went:
"Yes my name is Muckle Flugga,
I'm a evil minded drunken bugger..."

Chorlton-cum-Hardy the rabbit pellet poos preceding a further bowel motion of epic proportions.

Cheadle Hulme is clearly the name you are looking for there auntieB as in, 'I can't believe you managed to pass that stinking child to me, that was a right Cheadle Hulme!'

Only one here
Durham The quantity represented by the 5ml of fruit juice left in a carton or the single biscuit left in a packet is precisely a Durham.

:-) Geeklove - that reminds me of my favourite NiceCupofTeaandaSitDown.com review:

Bourbons are also reassuringly uniform in size regardless of the manufacturer. Perhaps Bourbon biscuits could form the basis of an SI unit of measurement, with biscuits being measured in Bourbons e.g. the digestive has a diameter of 1.13 bourbons, or that ocean liner is 7.6 kilobourbons long, or wavelength of light emitted by that Argon/Krypton laser is 46.1 nanobourbons. I'm sure you see what I'm getting at.

Sheepy Magna - pieces of baby-poo-encrusted cotton wool. Parents of newborn babies soon learn to move on (despite the recommendations of health visitors) to ...

Fontwell Magna- baby-poo-encrusted, fragrance free organic cotton baby wipes.

And thence to

Bolas Magna- baby-poo-encrusted, generic, cheap baby wipes.

LOVE the Meaning of Liff; have had a dog-eared copy in the loo for years. My favourite from the book has always been:

STURRY (n.,vb.)
A token run. Pedestrians who have chosen to cross a road immediately in front of an approaching vehicle generally give a little wave and break into a sturry. This gives the impression of hurrying without having any practical effect on their speed whatsoever.

How about (been looking at Google Maps):

Trull (noun) A new Mumsnetter who bursts on the scene posting in such a mind-bendingly crass manner that all other users become immediately suspicious, unaware that said poster is deadly serious and - wait for it - mind-bendingly crass.

Mutterton The unitelligible chuntering commentary carried out by batty old ladies, whilst searching at length in their purse for small change in the Post Office; totally oblivious to the half-mile queue behind them.

Broadwoodwidger The wodge of folded beermats used to keep the pub piano on an even keel; thus providing a more stable surface for the pianist's glass of mild and brown.

Barripper The kind of flatulence best appreciated whilst sitting forward on a hard plastic chair.

Tiverton - a timid child who hides behind his mother at all times

Ardingly - a way of giving a firm stare so your child knows they're misbehaving

Pease Pottage - what ends up on your floor during BLW.

Beckenham - the skilful art of getting your child to hurry the fuck up because we are going to miss the bus.

Downham - what a parent must do with their drinks to avoid (a) child burning themselves on it or (b) the child drinking it all themselves.

Lullingstone - what a toddler's head does as they unwillingly start to doze off despite having told you they are not tired.

Can anyone think of definitions for

Bodmin Moor

Bewbush

Honniton

?

I think the Bodmin Moor should be the needle you drop on the floor and spend the next three years looking for....

And the Bewbush is obviously the small shrub behind which people relieve themselves on the way home from the pub.......

bewbush is a lady garden after 9 months of pregnancy. as in, i havent seen my feet for 6 months and you should see the state of my bewbush

Honiton is Netmums HQ.

Throop is the pre-vomit retching sound a child makes.

The time interval between Throop and vomit is precisely 3 seconds less than the time required to fetch, or steer child to, a lavatory or other suitable receptacle.

Further to Inertia's post - Honiton is actually the imperial weight measurement of NetMums - e.g. "ShandiMariesMummie1995 weighs just under
3.6 Honitons (or HT) and wants to lose 2.6 HT to fit into her summer kaftan"

:o

Hastings - the reason beekeeping and children don't mix

Locks Bottom - what a toddler might do if you try and force them into early potty training

Sittingbourne - one of many positions to use during labour

Crawley - how your skin feels when you discover your child has eaten a worm again

Padstow - a common method of storage whereby you discover a pen in your Wellington boot

Crantock - the dreadful mood your child is in after a late nap

Ilkeston

The aura of knowledge someone has about a new person when all the have heard about them comes purely from gossip and rumours.

Glossop - Commonly the source of the Ilkeston.

Gossops Green - the area of town where all the grumbly old ladies who detest your children live.

Lewisham - the phenomenon that a child will always say NO when you ask if they need the toilet.

Any ideas for Shoreham, Perranporth and Moreton-in-Marsh?