Middle Ages Mumsnet

[AnyFuleKno]

Dear mumsnet, mine husband hath broken his arm falling from atop the midden. How many leeches should I apply?

Ah, goodwife elephant (surely an anachronism) get thee back to the tower of rigorous historical intellectual similitude....

we shall merrily, yeah, skip centuries and play wilybeguiled with language as it pleaseth our poor intellects...

Sacre Bleu, elephant ( a creature of whych we havest nottest heardest of yet).

Tis so much more mirthful that our Medieval Englysh is so shite-est.

Goodwife Elephant.
A pox on thy comments! Thys thread ys lyght harted and pureley for our entertaynement! Dost thou not know that learning and knowledge are the domain of menne, get thee back to thy housewyfery and trouble thee not with suche thyngs! [hmmeth]

Tansy, I know not of this Robyne o? ye Hodde of whom thou dost speaketh. I do have a hunky Saxon by the name of Uthred who would be more than happy to pay your Lorde Gysborne a visit and teach him what's what when it comes to Ye olde wenching.

goodwife elephant, thou lackest a senseth of humoureth. go screweth thyself.verily!

Yea, shall we wax mediaeval upon the buttockks of our Scape-Goate?

Begone, Mother Elephant. Thy wagon awaits.

Godwyfe Bebbenborg, thy kyndnesse comforteth me grately. Prayye warne thy goode lorde Uthred that my lorde of Gysborne is a felle knyght indeede and steeped in alle synfole matieres suche as thysse olde wenchynge of whyche ye spake.

He is alsoe possessedde of a exceeinglye large broadsworde. I truste thy deare lorde Uthred is similarlye blessede, if notte more fulsomely, or I feare it wyl go ille for hym.

Mistress Elephant, surely thou knowest that the goode women of thys village do naught butte trye to amuse themselves?

I wouldst suggest that thou get thyself to the apothecary most quick and avail thyself of the 'transplantyng of humoure' remedie thatte I am tolde is famed for its effiacy.

'tis just a thought.

Tansye, I can assure Ye, my Lorde Uthred is equally welle equipped in the broadsworde department, and knows exactly how to use it !

Matteres of ye Leman

My erstwhile scrolle hath givenne detayles of the shamefulle idlenesse of mine husbande. This day aftere offerynge prayeres to Godde at Holy Masse I thoght to repaire to ye Preyste of ye village, seykinge wordes or wyse counseille. Yette I was most o'ercome to finde onlie ye young priestlinge, a comely youthe of some ane-and-twentie summeres, in ye churche of ye Magdalene. He hath tolde me manie holye wordes, and advysed me to disrobe myself thatte he might anointe me with holye wattere to drive the daemons of malcontente fromme my wickede forme. He hath thenne touched me manie and divers waies and hath offerede to show me the servyce of "rugge-munchinge". Avisinge notte hwat thisse miyte bee, I gather-ed mine vestements and scarper-ed from ye sacristy. Surelie this be some Saracenne sinfulnesse, for tis sure thatte I have nevere herde of ye rugges in the hovels of ye Godly Folke.

In hwat wyse miyte I prepare mine selfe for Holie Masse nexte Sabbathtide?

Dame elephant, thu thinkist nou3t ri3tly! This Englische has moche goode I trow, and is nau3t Elizybethan - for Ich can nou3t ymagine a wommyn as quene!

Perhaps thu redyst nou3t the Englyysh of the Northren Englonde? Yt ys moche the bettir and more nobil than the southren tunge, the whicche these folys speke.

Methinkys thou art a so-callid 'stuck-up southerner', peradventure?

Y haue mayde the crossyd-poste:

Y spoke vnto mystresse elephantsjelly, not mystresse elephantsandmisasmas.

Mystresse miasmas, thys 'rugge-munchinge' of whyche thou spekist soundeth most queynte - shall I speke vnto myne husband, to see if hys manly wisdome can caste some light onto places that are darke in our womanlie understondying?

Sadly to seye, I trow he will speke little of ye aforesaid past-time; I thinke it be littel to hys likynge!

Be not afrayde, Goody Dragonne, Y avised thy poste.

Minde ye, thou hast hadde mentioune of ye "southren tonge", hwich semed moste fittinge to mine poste.

Y am most sadde to heere that thine goodman liketh not to taste of ye carpette of womankinde, Y am mynded to retourne agayne nexte Sabbathtide to catche ye younge priestlinge again amongste ye cassockes, and discouvert furthere, Be I Far Fromme My Wittes?

Y thinke ye preestes sounde muche goode for wommyn!

(Foryeve; hit ys moche werke to write as thu dost; Ich be bot a sely wommyn of the Middil-Ages, and straunge to this newe speche!)

Where canne I fynde myne self a wyllyng and comely preeste, hastily?!

elephntjelly if thou had wit thou wouldst know the 'dark ages' f which you speak, did comence around the tiem of the leaving of the Rman tyrants from our shores, and is also known to the bookish scholar as the 'early medieval period'. I'faith there is also a late medieval period, which is not called the 'dark ages'.

The daemon known as 'wikipedia' did tell me thysse.

now take thou thine eyen from this screed, and take thee hence, to thine dwellinge 'neath yonder bridge.

Yea verily, Mystresse wyth the strange name akin to that of a wryter vnknowne, I fynde this demon moste fearful.

(Y muste poste ye screed 'AIBU to wail and lamente myne studentes, who be moche moore the folysche than thee, good dames, and paye ye grete summe of 4 groats vnto the lord for ye privilege!')

Hats off to your efforts and sorry for being a sourpuss. I had to learn medieval to elizabethan english and bounded in all ready to join in but I have no idea what you are going on about.

Do remember the northerners have the edge - york was a thriving city and Sir gawain and the green knight is a far superior piece of work to canterbury tales.

Dame Sugar ... Y muste moste sadly seye ... I knowe of thys brave 'carpette of wonmmyn-kynde. Yete Y listened vnto the wycches who thronge oure merry meetying-place. They dide conjure me to hewe it aweye with myne owne most sharp scythe and moste vncomfortable poultice of the dunge callyd 'veet' ...

... and so hyt ys I am thus deformyd, being without that nobyl 'carpette' of whych the mystresse speketh.

elephantjelly - hi!

It sounds like parody-puritans to me - same for you? I think we're in the Dark Ages as described by Blackadder, Monty Python and co (and so much the better!).

Now:

Haue 3e nou3t a mannys-schape, of the whyche thou canst compleyn? Hit ys moste divertynge, Y vow!

(Bad mix of Chaucer and Gawain ... sorry ...!)

Goody RedDragon, methinks thou hast the ryte of itte when thou dost make mention of the Python of Monty.

I must nowe step awaye from thys excellent scroll fore ane momente inne order to peruse the adventures of Brave Sir Robin whom I am tolde doth rate equally with Sir Gawain [grinneth]

Mistress Elephantjelly, I thank thee for returning wyth thy most excellent apology. Wouldst thou care to join in our idle banter further? Perhaps thou dost have an errant husbande who needs our joynt disdaine? {sniggereth]

Y wille moste happilye 'joynt disdaine' any husbande who beeth errant!