lost in translation... is this the most embarrassing comment someone could make in all innocence?

[oricella]

Posted this before in bilingual, but it deserves a wider audience..

My dad recently stated that my lovely 2 year old was acting like a cat, 'giving heads'.... (the Dutch expression 'kopjes geven' describes the way cats nudge you with their head)

That one had me under the table... (and blush at having to try and explain to him why!)

Anyone else have any good mistranslations?

My Dutch grandmother once asked an English speaking guy I was dating what he "did for a fuck?", trying to say vak, meaning job...

When i arrived to work in Switzerland, my german was quite poor, but I tried to learn a few useful phrases, so that i could answer the phone if my boss was out.

One day i answered the phone and told the caller that my boss " ist in eine Besetzung".

She burst out laughing and said "Besprechung" to correct me.

Besprechung is a meeting, while Bestzung is an occupation (as a military occupation of a country)

My friend desperately pleaded with the bar staff in South America somewhere to let her use the toilet even though the bar was closed. Finally they relented and brought her a beer.
(toilet =servicio, beer= cerveza)

I also worked with a Kenyan guy whose formal English was very good, but still managed to say a lot of funny things.

We had one of those floor cleaning machines where you put in water and the machine use the water to clean and then suction it up again.
he didn't get it to work properly and came into the break room and asked me "Maje, can you teach me how to suck".

There was also the swedish girl who wrote in her application "I have sex years experience in this field" ( she was dyslexic, and weirdly i think in Swedish sex means both six and sex. )

I remember one MNer who said she had been speaking to her newborn in a twee mummy voice, got carried away, and ended up accidentaly calling him 'Mummy's little monkey fucker' or similar!

I cried laughing at that. Who was that?

Friend wanted to ask her boss if she should make him a coffee in their office or fetch him one from the top floor restaurant.

She said, "soll ich einen Kaffee machen, oder ihnen einen runter holen?"

Which means, "shall i get you a coffee or give you a blow job".

He replied that he would start with a coffee.

A friend of DH told me his granny had died and when i asked if she had been ill, he said, "she died of crabs". I had to bite my tongue.

The sign if the zodiac Cancer - Krebs in German.

Used to live in a student house, where a lovely German chemist used to regularly yell
'I'm going to make water in the kettle, anybody want some?'

Two of us were Early English literature students
Make water = pee

'ihnen einen runter holen'

Really???? I never knew that. I totally would have said the same thing.

My cousin once asked in a coffee shop for a cheese and tuna punani (instead of panini).

Once told H's assistant that he was in Pigeon. when i got a quizzical look, repeated it again and again. i got quiet adamant too...

Egyptian for Pigeon is Hamam, Shower is Hamem. I think that's the right way round... don't for heavens sake quote me though.... After that I would simply say he wasn't in.

Had a boyfriend in Brazil who said 'I'm GOING' at a very intimate moment... told him after he'd ahem 'gone'..

Another hazard of bilingualism is to read in one language but absorb in another.

SEe above post, I lived in Brazil, so speak portuguese. X is pronounced SH. So Puxe (Pushe) means Pull, (Empurre is Push)

I've always managed to stop myself doing it, but when presented with a door that says Puxe it can get confusing. A British girl I met living in Lisbon was caught off guard though, She walked straight into the door.

The other corresponding danger to Portuguese speakers is the pedestrian crossing sign.

The letter W is not a letter that belongs to Portuguese as a language, came in via germanic influence, so is pronounced V as in our dear X factor friend. V is also pronounced V,as to be expected.

WAIT is pronounce Vai-te, which means GO ON!

A sign over a restaurant door in Bolougne... 'Thank You For Your Coming'

I had a holiday job in a hotel, and there was an Italian chambermaid who did not speak much English. She was not the brightest spark.

A guest told me he had informed her the bathroom needed more toilet paper .

Eh? said the girl.

Toilet paper, he said. PAPER.

Ah! Paper, she said. Un momento.

She went down to the kitchen. Brought him back a pepper mill.

What did she expect him to do with it???

A very attractive French female friend of mine attended at her first University session with the other course attendees, mainly males.
The tutor had bought in cherry cakes, which my friend didn't like, so at a moment of quietness in the group she loudly asked of the gathering "Who would like my cherry?".

The tutor spluttered his tea,and a few hands were raised in very deep hope...

PsecretSantead - I remember that, she tried to call him a 'Whiny tinker' but got somewhat mixed up

at these

I think the baby thing was a MNer at the Doctors. Went to pick up her DC, and instead of "come on you whiny tinker", she inadvertently said "come on you tiny wanker"

I was told that someone was an erotic driver..

I had to tell her she mean erratic!

My lovely father in law had v rough looking trousers on

what are you doing in those? I ask

(fil is elderly and a tad eccentric)

oh these? these are my dogging pants he replies

ohhhhhhhh says i

hmmmm you know what I dont think you should wear em.

why not? they are rough trousers for walking the dog in.
Ive had dogging trousers for years why should I stop.

so I then after teenage dc had fits of laughter had to explain ti FIL what dogging was .

Ohh says fil looking very best say dog walking trousers in future.

H comes in ...'dad bloody hell those trousers are a state'

these are my dogging trousers oh no my dog walking trousers did you know what dogging is??? he then retells h what dogging is.

H is bcos they dont say pregnant in his family they say 'family way' they dont say period of menstruate they say 'unwell'.

So we walk the dog and go past fils favoured pub go in and Fil announces these are no longer his dogging trousers but to be referred to as dog walking trousers since he now knows what dogging is .

Landlord says thank F*ck you told him weve been arguing about whose gonna tell him for months.

Here in Norway, when you have a party before you go to the main party / before going out on the town you call that a vorspiel.

This is a German word, which in Germany means foreplay.

My Swedish and German friends were very amused when I asked if we were going to have foreplay.

But i also hear about some Germans in Norway, who after having heard about this strange expression, put up an invitation to such a party in their student halls.

only problem was they spelled it forspill, which actually is the Norwegian word for foreplay.

PMSL

I once saw a restaurant in France advertising a "paving slab of lamb" and "drible fish".

I know many French who have said "so I was lying on the bitch..." meaning "beach".

My BIL was working in Spain and was invited to dinner by his boss. In Spanish, conejo = rabbit, coño = cunt.

Boss served up dinner, my BIL tasted it and proudly said "This is the best cunt I've ever tasted!"

I've told a family in Peru I was pregnant when I was 12...caused a few raised eyebrows (embarazada does NOT mean embarrassed).

My mother learning Arabic was trying to say "It's cold", so she said "I'm cold. No no no. I have a cold. No. I'm a fridge. No, I'm frigid. No, I'm a post office".

LOL Drac. Your FIL sounds fab.

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I had a Geordie friend to visit recently and asked her if she wanted pepper (in my Scottish accent). She truly did not understand what I meant, I had to get the pepper mill and show her. "Oh, you mean peppa", she replies. We were both amused at how strong the other's accent was. :o

When living in Italy I once told my boyfriend that when my mother was young she had a 'bella figa' when trying to describe my mother's figure. My boyfriend was absolutely aghast that I was basically describing my mother's fanjo to him!!

Loving this thread!!
My friend's German boyfriend told her that her brother was wanking at him.......
he meant winking...
wanking winking ....

Staying with friends in France I walked into the living room and announced that I couldn't find the nipples (was trying to say I couldn't find the light switch)

Siting outside in the garden of a different set of French friends I saw some squirrels on the fence - when they came out I said ' I have just seen some bollocks playing in your garden'

On hols in Spain I was drunk as a skunk at about 3am trying to get my key into the hotel front door ( which kept moving around, as they do at those times...), and I was then being stroked on the bum by an old gay Spanish bloke mumbling something..
I turned round and ordered him "Vamos!", which I thought meant 'feck off' or some such. Couldn't understand why he said "si, si!" and became even more amorous..

I later discover I was saying "lets go..!".

Confused the poor chap.