What do you think about spouses/partners staying overnight on postnatal wards?

[RowanMumsnet]

Hello

The organisation Birthrights (with whom we've done some stuff in the past) are planning a new campaign called First Night, and wanted to know whether it's something MN could support - so we said we'd ask you lot!

Here's Birthrights' description of the campaign:

'Birthrights is a human rights in childbirth charity, and we will be launching a campaign later this year to ensure women aren't left alone on often over-staffed postnatal wards, but instead can choose to have their partner remain with them overnight. We will be researching what's important to women, partners and staff, the barriers and benefits, and working with units who've implemented this policy to draw up best practice guidelines to use as they lobby for change.'

So please let us know what you think. Is this something you'd like us to swing behind?

Thanks
MNHQ

No unless a person who already has a private room wants her partner there.

Also, demanding spouses who shout loudest are going to take time away from the shyer quieter women who may need the help more.

danny, I know what you mean about valuing the calm time. I can distinctly remember sitting in the chair during the 'rest' time between 12-3, feet up on the bed, reading a book while watching my baby and the lady from the next bed's (she'd gone to express) sleeping. That was about day 3 I think. It was a bizarrely lovely, peaceful moment, and just what I needed after a several day labour and several more days on the ward.

See, that's different. I've been in the position of having had a spinal, was moved to a new ward and was left lying on top of the bed bleeding heavily and unable to move myself to get my buzzer. The other ladies on my ward didn't understand me, as they all had varying forms of dementia. I ended up waiting over an hour for a nurse to come through (who admitted they had no knowledge of the fact that I'd had a spinal).

But that shouldn't be down to the partner - it should be communicated to every staff member on the ward, even if the patients name is highlighted in blue or something on the board, and then a system of regular pop-ins should be instigated as well as obs, so the mother and baby can be checked and helped as needed. As well as that the blinkin buzzer should be attached to the bed and not dangling somewhere behind it out of reach.

But it shouldn't be down to a partner to assist - we wouldn't allow it on any other ward, why should we allow for that to happen in maternity? It's unfair to the partner, not safe for anyone (allows for all kinds of things to go wrong) and allows for completely unacceptable staffing levels to be OK because the partners will pick up the slack. It shouldn't ever be allowed to happen. I wouldn't want to work on a ward where relatives were encouraged to take a very active role in patient care beyond the very basics under guidance and if needed, supervision, and that which they, and the patient, wish them to do.

I mean, what's the partner going to do when his wife needs a wash? I know that I can take the patient to one shower of four, and when that's suitable and at what time. I know how to bed bath a patient, how to assist with movement and I know where my supplies are, what linen goes where, what rubbish goes where. I know how to put knickers and pyjamas on without entangling drains and catheters, and what to do if they are. A partner won't generally know any of that - and I hesitate to say it, could just unfortunately cause more work!

nutshell, neville

I had DS1 at The Garden Hospital (sadly no more) in Hendon and DH had a camp bed in my room and stayed 3 nights. I think it is barbaric to require fathers to leave and equally barbaric to make women share rooms/ward if they have to stay in. Would any of you share a room in a hotel with a total stranger who was unwell? I certainly wouldn't. If I couldn't have afforded a private hospital I'd probably just have discharged myself rather than endure that. I had DS2 at home to avoid the problem as it was a long journey to Hendon and I wasn't sure I had time with a second pregnancy.

Purely from personal experience, I wish my DH hadn't been kicked out within an hour of our twins being born (at night).

He'd have been more likely to notice that my levels of bleeding weren't normal than the slightly harassed / dismissive midwives, & I might have been put on a drip before I lost so much blood that I needed a transfusion. I was high as a kite & beyond noticing anything - I needed an "advocate", as so many patients do!

But that's just my experience, & it's obviously more to do with inadequate post-natal care than anything else. I can understand all the points about the problems of having random men wandering round wards, so I'd have to agree that it would only really work in private rooms.

I do think it's a bit harsh to send dads home quite so soon, though - especially when they've been the ones doing the caring throughout the majority of labour.

A no from me too. As others have said, the idea of having own dh/p their sounds great but not so great when you realise that everyone else's dh/p will be there too!

I think that perhaps there could be a middle ground.

If a women needs emotional support because the baby is in SBCU or the baby is stillborn ( I suspect most hospital allow partners to stay after a still born) then there should be a few cubicles available.

No. I like the 'sisterhood' element of all mothers together & being cared for by midwives. My husband was allowed to visit all day if he wanted, but there is a need for mothers to rest too, without loud conversations or more people going around the ward. There's breastfeeding, bleeding and checking of stitches, catheters etc etc. I was embarrassed by my own visitors let alone having a ward full of men.

I think it's a time for women to feel safe. Abusive partners could prevent their partners speaking up for one.

Security is also an issue. The less people in a ward the better, can't imagine I'd have slept very well in fear of perverts or baby nappers.

In a private room yes, but on a shared ward no, not in a million years. Lots of men you don't know wandering about when you are shattered and vulnearable ?

In private rooms, yes. In a ward, hell no. I didn't ever stay on a post-natal ward, but I had a week's stay on the pre-natal ward when I was expecting DD1 and I hardly got any rest with visitors coming in and out. And that was without babies! Also I wouldn't want lots of men around when I was trying to establish breastfeeding or having my stitches/post-birth haemorrhoids looked at. Those curtains are not soundproof. Massive no from me.

I don't think people have been particularly anti-men, actually. Rather people are appreciating that whilst you may know your partner is a lovely man, other people don't, and so that may well make them uncomfortable.

No. No. No. Not on a ward.

How about a campaign to get adequate funding to staff postnatal wards properly?

Yet another no here.

Yes to better post natal care, though. I'd rather see money spent on that than on giving everyone a private room so their partners can nurse them.

No, please campaign for more funding for staffing antenatal wards, training midwifes etc instead. Or for more acceptance of dads taking parental leave.
I think this is well meant but unworkable. I needed my dh at home not in hospital and I was in for 5 days with my twins.

No . In a private room, fine, but I don't see the need for anyone, male or female, to be disturbing new mothers and who could be in pain, sleep deprived, trying to establish feeding because it is the wishes of someone else.

No no no. Same caveat, only if everyone had own room.

No, definitely not. I was vulnerable, bleeding, exhausted, crying, trying to breast feed and not succeeding........I don't want strange men seeing all that.

My first labour was a disaster (the nurses cheerfully told me that if it had been a couple of decades earlier I would definitely have died!) but I was given a private room straightaway and dh was allowed to stay. They even brought him food and drinks and helped him with ds, as I was out of it.

After two weeks (yes, two weeks) I transferred to a private convalescent home where, of course, partners were allowed to stay. (Although dh didn't; I was happy with the level of help.)

But for dd who had a better (though not trouble free!) delivery I was on a ward and if there had been partners/doulas/mothers/friends wandering around I'd've gone mad. There was a very fierce sister in charge of the ward and she bellowed, "I hate visitors - and most of all, I hate partners!"

Yes, yes, absolutely great idea - in a private room. On a ward? No thanks.

I also think that there is something to be said for allowing DPs to go home and get a proper night's sleep after childbirth (not a broken night on a chair) so that at least one person is functioning reasonably normally. It means that the woman can lean a bit harder on their DP for emotional support.

My local hospital allows this and some Dads stayed when I was in last year. I hated it! I'm sure they were all lovely blokes but I didn't want them seeing me hobble to the loos post c-section and with one boob permanently on display. We were in a ward with curtains separating the bays but it's not practical to keep yourself totally private. It was awful and I couldn't wait to get home. So no, thanks.

i don't agree with all night visiting but i am curious - everyone else saying no because they aren't happy with the idea of other peoples partners wandering around ... isn't that what they do in the day too? why is the issue with night and not day?

(as i say, there shouldn't be night time visiting other than exceptional circumstances, but I would have kicked up holy hell had someone tried to stop my DP staying in the daytime)