What do you think about spouses/partners staying overnight on postnatal wards?

[RowanMumsnet]

Hello

The organisation Birthrights (with whom we've done some stuff in the past) are planning a new campaign called First Night, and wanted to know whether it's something MN could support - so we said we'd ask you lot!

Here's Birthrights' description of the campaign:

'Birthrights is a human rights in childbirth charity, and we will be launching a campaign later this year to ensure women aren't left alone on often over-staffed postnatal wards, but instead can choose to have their partner remain with them overnight. We will be researching what's important to women, partners and staff, the barriers and benefits, and working with units who've implemented this policy to draw up best practice guidelines to use as they lobby for change.'

So please let us know what you think. Is this something you'd like us to swing behind?

Thanks
MNHQ

All that will happen is that the majority will be made to feel uncomfortable by a small minority who do want a partner with them.

Good point, ReallyFuckingFedUp. And if people have agitated for someone to stay with them, then you know that they're the type to be quite assertive, dominate the care available and make other people's stay worse.

I'm very frightened of being alone with a new baby overnight without my DH because my sisters's experience. Post caesarian, she was in a private room alone overnight for two nights, unable to reach her baby to feed when it cried, with no-one answering the bell all night to assist her. Unbelievably on day 3 the baby was sent to special care for 8 days to recover from this total lack of feeding, there was nothing else wrong with him! The distress this caused our family can not be put into words.

For this reason I will refuse to stay in unless my DH is allowed with me. The hospital is aware of this and my reasons, but I don't yet know what will happen, it seems to depend on if a private room is free or not.

At the same time I echo exactly what others have said about the fear of wards being open all night to partners. The NHS has had a massive push to get rid of mixed wards for just this sort of reason.

The solution to this problem is not to allow partners onto the ward, but to have wards adequately staffed at night.

This would be a much better thing to be campaigning about.

I really want to know who Birth rights think they are benefiting by allowing men "first night" privileges.

Unless you have a private room then i wuld say no. I was sharing a room with another lady after giving birth to my second (we were in a delivery room as the ward was full). Her partner stayed with her, they kept me awake talking, then he fell asleep and was snoring so loudly that my mw actually moved me to another room.

I'd like to know where they've found these "over-staffed" post-natal wards

Me too! I suspect it's a typo and should read "under-staffed".

Answering the second part of the original question - no, this isn't something I'd like MN to support at all. I'd rather they campaigned for more qualified staff on the wards at night.

The answer to understaffing and poor care on post-natal wards is not to have fathers staying in rooms with vulnerable women and babies. The answer is better maternity and post natal care, more birthing centre's available for low risk women (who don't even need to stay on a post natal ward), and generally more money for the whole system.

I would not have wanted someone else's partner staying over night. It was bad enough during visiting times.

Agree with others: normally I'm campaign/schmampaign about most issues, but this - it's a ludicrous waste of time and effort. "Rights" have to be balanced against the right not to be inconvenienced/distressed of others. This "right" to have a partner present would fly in the face of another patient's right not to feel embarrassed or awkward or just annoyed.

Unless everyone is given a private room with ensuite facilities than it's a definite no from me.

Who wants strange men sleeping/talking/snoring, feet away from you when you've just given birth?

Guessing "over" staffed is a typo?

I agree with the majority. As much as I'd prefer DH to be present overnight, if that meant the possibility that 5 other male strangers were also present then I'd rather not.

Birthright should be campaigning for investment in wards to be refitted to enable easy partitioning for privacy beyond bedraggled moth-eaten curtains that don't meet. Only then would partners staying overnight be feasible.

For me personally, I would have loved DH to have stayed - after a traumatic birth, being left alone on a ward with no-one I knew and no real support was an awful prospect. The hospital were pretty good in letting DH stay a bit longer than official visiting hours possibly because they were understaffed - they were probably hoping that with an extra half hour he'd be able to get me to stop sobbing!

But, bearing in mind the wider context of domestic abuse and the opportunity for women to talk about this safe in the knowledge their partner is not about to walk in any moment, I can understand the current position and I'm not sure it should change.

Interesting how pretty much everyone is assuming the partners are men.

In principle, I think its a great idea but it only works in private rooms.

I wonder too about men who aren't in a relationship with thew mother, will they be all demanding and My Child Too about it?
Where would that leave a mother who may want her mum or even a new partner with her for support.

Too unwieldy, too many Well My Case Is Different caveats.

Good idea about relaxed visiting hours for dads. Our hospital had 8-8 for fathers and weren't counted as visitors for the two visitors at a time rule.

I'd love to hear what a post natal hospital nurse would make of the proposals.

My local already does this and is very, very over subscribed as a result!

I wouldn't have survived my stay without my DP being there tbh, an sadly that isn't a dramatic overstatement. I needed him to be strong and advocate for me when I want in the physical or mental position to do so.
He has every right to sped those precious first hours with his child as much as I do imo.

I think people are assuming Fathers are men Owl!

I would be against it, if they want to improve something maybe they could improve care on the wards, or actually bother to care. I assumed my poor post birth experiences both times were due to the fact I had c-sections and I wasn't able to breast feed (my milk never came in) so I was viewed as a sub-standard mother and that was why they were rude, dismissive, unhelpful and harsh but it seems to be this is a common experience.

It is weird as I had other things done of the maternity ward the staff I met couldn't have been kinder and more supportive. When I was in to have an induction and when I returned a few days after I gave birth due to complications the staff dealing with me were lovely. I got offered a cup of tea, asked if I was ok, people smiled at me and spoke to me like I was human.

It was only when I was recovering for birth I was treated like shit. That is why I always assumed it was a c-section/not breast feeding thing, I had been marked out as sub-standard and treated accordingly. The comments in my notes certainly suggested it.

My husband wouldn't have been able to stay in and I spent most of my stay in there alone listening to other people with their visitors and having the staff snap at me when they were forced to interact with me.

Having husbands/birth partners there aren't going to solve the problems, they are going to bring on a whole lot of new ones. Treating people better might be a lot more helpful to a lot more birth experiences.

Personally I am glad to never be having more children so I don't have to deal with it any more.

Owl the majority ARE men surely? Of course there would be some same sex couples but not many.

No. Just no. Strange men wandering around - and snoring all night just to make a few women feel less lonely. People have mentioned private rooms would be needed. The NHS can hardly fund itself as it is - where would the money come from.

And what about the women who don't have partners? If you're mature enough to have children you can surely survive a few nights in hospital without other halfs.

Its a few nights that you'll soon forget - unless you like harping on about it.

there should be somewhere for partners to stay my labour finished at 3am after about 24 hours, he was chucked out to drive home (20 miles)

In certain circumstances yes. Our dc1 was on special care, they told us they thought he had Downs Syndrome (he does) and quite soon after that it was time for dh to go home. Great that I had the privacy of a side room, but I was left alone all night when I just wanted someone (dh) to talk to and support each other. This was over ten years ago when mobile phones on wards were a strict no no.

Four absolutely. In cases where the baby is in danger or is unwell the the partner should be allowed to stay.

nteresting how pretty much everyone is assuming the partners are men.

NO, we are assuming the vast vast majority of new mothers will have had a child with a man. I couldn't care less if someone had their female partner over night. But I am sure that people would be banging on about discrimination if women partners were allowed to stay over and men wern't.

It also wouldn't bother me if a private doula or maternity nurse was allowed to stay. The more qualified women around the better.

I'm not in favour, I was discharged with DS1 over visiting time so having to shuffle off to the toilets to get dressed carrying all my clothes, maternity towels etc whilst leaking everywhere from just having stood up on a room full of strange (as in unfamiliar to me, not as in odd!) men straight after birth made me feel quite vulnerable and embarrassed, if men were allowed full time there would be no 'privacy' and space to recover with dignity I think