We Believe You: we're launching our rape awareness campaign today.

[KateMumsnet]

Today, we're very proud to be launching a new campaign. It's called 'We Believe You', and it's inspired by the many MNers who've asked us to speak out about the prevalence of rape and sexual assault in women's lives.

While we're at it, we're going to try to explode, once and for all, some pernicious myths about rape - about who does it, what it is, and whom it can happen to. These myths mean that many victims are denied justice: our survey confirmed that most don't report their rape or sexual assault, for fear of being disbelieved.

So the message of our campaign is in the title - we believe you. We hope MNers will get behind it, and spread that message far and wide - on Facebook, and on Twitter, using the hashtag #webelieveyou. And don't forget to let us know what you think here on this thread.

We're also giving a shout-out to Rape Crisis, the End Violence Against Women coalition, and Barnardo's - all of whom are supporting our campaign. They all work hard on sexual violence issues - either by supporting those who've experienced it, or campaigning for better prevention strategies - so do see if you can help them out.

MNHQ x

anonmale
I don't know if you will come back to this, but I have been thinking about your post for days. Today, I did a little bit of research into male rape and blogged about it. I know it is not officially part of the MN campaign, but I wanted to say that I believe you, and that I would support a campaign to raise awareness of this issue.

Meg . Hope you are OK ans you are safe from those dreadful men.

This is a great start but can i ask what happens if the protectors are the ones responsible? Before they get justice, women need to feel able to ask for help. Employers play a key role, perhaps being a place where women feel safe. We have the Public Equality Duty for public sector workers, but what of those in the private sector? Private sector employers are failing abused women with the attitude that what happens to them outside of the workplace is simply "a private matter". My ex employer tried to discipline me for asking for help when a colleague was abusing me. My ex employers are a large firm of solicitors. When I contacted Womens Aid, they told me that they were not surprised, that statistics reveal that the legal profession is one of the worst offenders for failure to support victims of abuse and rape amongst their own employees. How can women trust the CPS, the police or the legal profession if this is how they treat their own??? What if the 'experts' are perpetrators themselves?

juliaG40, I am so sorry that happened to you. Did you take the complaint further or did you end up leaving.

To Julia and everyone else posting their sad stories, I believe you and I am so sorry.

Thank you SweetTheSting, you have no idea how much it means to me to be believed. Yes I have taken further action through the courts but what was most shocking is that a colleague who encouraged me to confide in her went to the partners and complained about me, even signed a statement to say that i was being "disruptive". I showed her some information I had found on the Equality and human Rights Commission website about how employers should treat victims and how to help them, she said in her statement that she found what I showed her to be "offensive". How can information about how to help victims ever be "offensive"? How can a woman do such a thing to another woman? I am sorry, I don't wish to rant on here, I am just so shocked. Please help me restore my faith in the women around me. x

julia, what she did was wrong and she betrayed you

you were let down by your employers, and I believe you

and you rant all you like, you deserve the safe space to do it in

TBE - It was a while back upthread but I just wanted you to know I saw what you said, you won't always be ignored, and I believe you.

Julia
Sorry that you have been so badly let down, by your employers, by someone you trusted.

I believe you.

I believe every single one of you, unconditionally and absolutely.

I want to send love to everyone on this thread or to those who may be reading it without posting but who understand.

You are all amazing.

All of you sharing stories, I hear you and believe you.

I

BELIEVE

YOU

ALL.

One small voice, stood next to another, and another, and another will soon turn into a very BIG voice.

The stories that have been shared here are so very sad. I hope that there is more to come from MNHQ in terms of getting the message out there.

I hope our voices all together will soon turn into a very big one, so loud that it will be heard everywhere.

Proud to be a rape survivor, proud to support this campaign!!

I believe you

I had a really uncomfortable conversation at work about the campaign. I was meeting some colleagues who I don't know v well for a crafty get together at lunch and was telling them about my craftivism for the campaign.

They seemed really uncomfortable with the campaign and one woman said it seemed very one sided, and what about the men who are falsly accused. I said that is no more likely than in any other crime, and she said well, you can make statistics say what you want can't you, and people's lives are ruined by being falsly accused of rape.

She seemed pretty offended at what I was saying basically. I had no idea how to deal with it, and it was really uncomfortable, on both sides. Makes me feel like I can only 'preach to the converted'. I have to remember that MN isn't always a good reflection of RL :(

Dilly - that is so sad

Oh - and what SGM said.

Good for you, Dilly. I agree with SGM, only when we talk about these things do others have the opportunity to learn about them.

And it is so important. I had another guest post today, and it brought home to me how good this campaign is. How needed it is.

A brave post

After writing that post, I have two readers contact me and ask me to tell their stories.

They are really sad but they deserve to be heard and believed, so if you would read (if you can face it) and comment, I would be very grateful. It would be fab if they could see some comments on the posts that must have been terribly hard to write.

Gwen

Kelly

These posters made me realise that #webelieveyou is only half the battle.

Those who were raped must first accept that they were raped. Which is why I am using the hashtag #IbelieveMe

How many people think that they made a mistake, that they went too far and could not back out, that they "led him on" in some way and chalk the experience up to a bad decision?

That's a very empowering thing to say MerlinScot - That's the first time I personally have seen that expressed

This is astonishing

A possible breach of his human rights?

Yet another reason why rapes go unreported. It does make you wonder if there is any point reporting when the rapist's human rights may be compromised.
I notice that there are no references to those he raped having their human rights violated.

FFS. That is utterly appalling.

WTF?

Do we really need someone to suffer at his hands afresh before he is given the LRO?

@MmeLindor, could I send you my story too? Maybe posting stories all over internet will push people to be more aware of this issue?

@Dillytante, you've no idea how many times, in the past years, I've heard people speaking like that.. Once a long time ago I had an argument with my (ex) fiancé who was supporting the idea that it was outrageous that women could ruin a man only declaring they had been raped.. given that, in theory, only 6% of the rape allegations are false, why doesn't anybody think about the 94% of women who have been raped? I'm always more shocked by people's obtuseness!!

@JWTO, I'm always more proud of being a rape survivor!!

Merlin
Of course you can. If you PM me, I can give you my email address and then you can send me it in an email.

I am currently trying to find out what (if anything) is taught in schools about consent and rape. Not a lot, from what I can gather.

Why do so many young girls feel that they have to give in to the demands of their boyfriend/partner? Why are they not being told that it is their decision to make. And why are boys not being told that unless the person gives their consent, that they are on shaky ground and should ensure that they truly are happy to proceed.

If we taught teens more about consent, about not being pressured, then the lines would be much more clearly defined and there would be no way for a man to wiggle out by saying, "I thought she was ok with it, she didn't object".

I would also like teens to be informed about abusive and controlling behaviour - not just in sexual relationships, but in friendships and with family, so that they can better recognise the signs of an abusive person.