This is how I am feeling
Gutted and scared and in shock, yet cannot scream or cry.
We went to see the oncologist today for Harrys routine 6 monthly ct scan result. I was 100% sure it was all going to be ok, I wasnt even nervous, which is very strange for me. The scan has shown that the cancer has retd to his liver, and also there is a new growth in his left lung, we are devastated. We now have to wait a week until next Thurs when the liver team from Kings come down to discuss his options, we are praying they will say they will remove the new growth with surgery, but the oncologist thinks it may not be possible. We may be talking now chemo only. I am soooooo scared, since last July we have been able to lead a normal life, lulled into a safe net that it had gone. We have booked 3 weeks to Florida in May, that is now not possible, its very likely he will be on chemo by then. I have to pay the balances for the flights/villa by the 1st Feb, as we could not get insurance cover for the cancer, it means we will lose our deposits, £1000. The kids dont know yet, we wont tell them until we know what is going to happen,plan wise and also its their b/day on the 27th, I can`t do it to them. This time last year he was in Kings having 60% of his liver removed, spent his b/day in there, came home and was too weak to do anything with them for their b/day. I am so gutted, so scared and so very angry. He has been the bravest person I know, never once has he complained, never said why me. Bloody bloody disease.