for all those who have lost a twin/twins

[throckenholt]

My heart goes out to all those who have lost one or more multiples. Have been reading Bubble's story. There are no words that will help but just wanted to say I am thinking of you, and you will always be parents of multiples.

39 is still quite young these days, bubble...I understand perfectly what you say about the gap in your family but that Bo-shaped gap will always be there - I hope you can spend some time enjoying your footle (love that name) before you set about adding to your family.

I have had sections - they used to say an arbitrary 6 weeks before driving but other people do it much sooner and it seems to be OK. (Someone on MN said she drove home from the hospital ) Just take it easy with any action which might pull on your scar.

I agree, JanH. After losing a child, no matter how many others one might have there will always be one (or in my case two) missing.

So glad that your little Elijah is settling into family life Bubble99 .

bubble - grief is an odd thing - a real mix of emotions that are often triggered by the most unexpected things. As you say you will go through all the emotions a number of times over the next months and years. Try not to supress them - they all need to come out. For you and for all your family. If you can be open about then all around you will be able to be as well which will make it easier for everyone.

Glad Elijah seems to be settling well.

Bubble

How are you doing? How is Elijah?

I remember the angry stage went on for a very long time with me/us

And the "It's not fair" which I still feel sometimes today, over 9 years later.

DS has a pair of Identical Twin friends that go to the same club as him and I can never tell them apart unless I see their shoes cos one wears black trainers and one white. It makes me think about how I was going to have them with very short and longer hair so people could tell them apart.

[longer hair = longer name, shorter hair = shorter name]

Have you had the PM results back yet?

Did that help?

We wanted it done so that we would find out if there was anything that would affect DT2.

Luckily everything was normal IYSWIM.

The other thing that we did was to take DT2 to the funeral in a sling on my chest. We personally thought it was important so years later we could tell him that he went. It was just the 3 of us and the chaplin from hospital who had baptised them just after birth he travelled from London to Sussex for us which was very kind of him. He had also chatted to me/us quite alot beforehand when I was in hospital for all those weeks. So we were very friendly with him. We didn't want anyone else to be there.

Sending you cyberhugs {{{{{{{{{}}}}}}}}} Christie

Hi all

RTKM, no results yet from the PM we've been told 6 weeks which will coincide with the enquiry meeting.
Elijah has been restless tonight, lots of wind. It's been nearly five years since we've had a newborn around and it takes some getting used to again. He hates his moses basket and only seems to settle well if he's in bed with us or in his carseat. I can understand the carseat preference as the upright position makes it easier for him to get wind out at either end but they're frowned upon as a sleeping place because of the angle of the neck/airway. I ended up on the sofa at 4am this morning with him in his carseat in front of me, not great I know but I managed to get 3 hours sleep. Caught up with naps today and kept him awake for most of the early evening so hopefully he'll sleep tonight.

We're planning a cremation for Bo and we'll scatter his ashes in our favourite spot in Richmond Park. Just dH, the kids and I are going to the cremation and park - it feels appropriate for it to be just us.

Hope you're OK.

bubble99.. I am so glad that you are here with us and hope it will be of some help/comfort.. whatever in the days etc to come.

I know exactly what you mean about those moses baskets.. neither of my 2 liked them... they always ended up in bed with us ( but then again I enjoyed it too really!!)

I reckon moses baskets are a big Con .. show me a baby that really likes them!
Somebody is making a fortune somewhere.. !!!

I hope you get a bit of sleep..

Much love and support for Bo's cremation..
may he always be a source of joy and inspiration for you.

I hope you don't mind me Hijacking this thread. I was going to start posting on the Time Forr Twins Thread but When I read of your sad loss Bubble I just couldn't post

I have 4 girls and my 1st Jade who is 9 is one of Twins (I had a miscarraige at 12 weeks but she was still there, thank god) The doctors couldnt say if I had definately been carrying twins but I was sure I was anyway.
I then got pregnant 3 years later and had My 2 lovely Girlies although I was petrified all through the pregnancy I would lose one or bothe
Luckily I didn't and they are now 5, I also have Katie who is 21 months.
BUBBLE: I just wanted to say that I have been thinking about you and I really do feel for you. There is no point saying all the stuff like 'it will get better' because it's alraedy been said. But My thoughts are with you and I am sure Elijah will grow up knowing that he is a very special little boy who has a very special Angel always watching xxxx

Mechelle xxx

Thanks for all of your kind words and thoughts. I find it so much easier to talk to you all here about what's happened than in RL.As I've said before I'm not remotely a "stiff upper lip" type person but just on a practical level I've got to keep it together on a day to day basis for my other boys. Mr Bubble and I do our crying in the in- between times. Last night I remember waking up frantically searching under the duvet. DH said this morning that I kept saying "where's the other baby?"
A friend of my mums who had a term stillborn daughter during the 1960's sent us a card saying "time and cuddling those you love will help". I thought that was beautiful and apt. We're so grateful that we didn't experience a loss in those days. Then, stillborn babies were non-people, disposed of in the clinical waste rubbish bags and never mentioned again. We have an envelope with photos, footprints and a lock of hair. Too painful to look at now but I'm told we're likely to take comfort from them in the years to come.I also, though my MIL thinks this is morbid, think it may be something Elijah may want to see when he's older. My MIL, like many of her generation have reacted to this by not wanting to mention Bo. When we said that we needed to arrange a cremation for Bo said "Oh must you?" by that I know that she didn't want us to go through any more pain but it illustrates the generational view that Bo didn't and had never existed.

Thanks for listening. Bloomin' heck that sounds like Eeyore

Hi Bubble - glad we can help you by letting you talk .

If it is any consolation my DH did that waking up looking the baby thing when our boys were newborn - so maybe it is a new parent/twin parent thing - probably very upsetting for you though.

Another anecdote - someone on another board I post on recently found out that she was a surviving twin (her twin died a cot death at a few weeks). She is in her 30's and was devestated that no-one told her. She was very angry with her mum to begin with and had a big row with her. Her emotions were very mixed up - but after a few days she was able to talk to her mum and they both cried a lot and cleared the air. As a mother herself she realised how tough it had been for her mother.

Tell Elijah about his twin, and encourage the rest of your family to talk about Bo over the years to come.

Hi Bubble

We had exactly the same reaction when we talked about DT1 to family

We always mention his name etc. We have photos of them just after birth in the Sitting room {I don't care what others think any more} btw they are only small pictures so not "in your face" kind of thing. DS has pictures in his room too.

The hospital has a memorial service each year and we always go.

The consultants, doctors, midwives and NNU nurses are there and it is a lovely service for all families who have lost their babies.

It is a time when we can all think about DT1.

Some family think that he should be not talked about etc. Or if we mention this service we get same reaction.

If the photos are poloroids get them copied into real photos soon cos in time they will fade away.

Also scan pics keep them in a dark place or get them photocopied so they don't fade either.

Not sure about digital ones

Hi ladies. Hope you are all doing well today. Hey Bubble. My DTs (esp Miss Houdini) prefer to be in bed with us. Makes for long nights, but to be honest I don't know that we would change it. It's good to hear news of Elijah. How's Footle today? Did you manage to keep him up? Bet he fell asleep. They don't stay awake when you try do they? Or am I completely wrong? Give him a kiss from me and the DTs.

Hello ladies, can I just say about scan photos that if you scan them into your PC, you can have them printed as proper photographs. I did this with mine and they look amazing.

Bubble, I'm so pleased to hear that Footle is doing well (such an apt name for a newborn!).

Hugs to you all xxxxxx

Hi, reading all your messages has summed up alot of what i feel.
i am 24 weeks pregnant and have been told that its very likely that one of my twins will die while im still carrying it will not affect the other twin though as they are non identical. i felt so pleased i was having twins and now to be told that i will probably only have one baby now, im so mixed up - please help!!!!!

that must have been such a shock. No words to help really - just lots of sympathy.

Do you know what is wrong with the one they say is going to die ?

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} mich. I don't know what to say

mich99

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If you give birth soon could you keep them both?

Presunming they are ok and in NNU ITU unit