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Multiple births

When do you start showing with twins? What is life with twins like? Join the conversation on our Multiple Births forum.

Original poster

for all those who have lost a twin/twins

70 replies

throckenholt · 28/02/2005 09:35

My heart goes out to all those who have lost one or more multiples. Have been reading Bubble's story. There are no words that will help but just wanted to say I am thinking of you, and you will always be parents of multiples.

OP posts:
MunchedTooManyMarsLady · 01/03/2005 23:22

bubbles I'm sorry about the fact that you won't be able to do the things that you planned to do. I know I didn't lose either of my two, but each time I look at them at the moment I think of you. I remember all the shopping and planning and so the disappointment and grief of not doing them must be hard. I'm so glad that you have RTK to talk and discuss this stuff with. Please don't stop talking to us. I know that I can't say the right things, but I do know that we share the uniqueness of being twin mums. You have my prayers. She's a very wise woman RTK, and there was me thinking that she only knew about tv

Thinking of you tomorrow. Don't be afraid to cry and if you feel that you can't cope then say so and be where you need to be. Kisses to you

80sMum · 01/03/2005 23:49

RTKM & Bubble, I'm so sorry to hear of your loss.
I lost my twin sons at one day old (born at 29 weeks). People said to me at the time 'you're young (I was 24) you can always have more,' a similar sentiment to people saying to you that 'at least you still have one.' I'm sure people don't mean to be hurtful, they just haven't really thought about what they're saying and can't empathise if they've not 'been there.'

MunchedTooManyMarsLady · 01/03/2005 23:52

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{80smom}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Kelly1978 · 02/03/2005 00:02

What an awful thing to say! My heart goes out to anyone who has lost a baby, I really don't know how people can cope with such a loss. I've got twins on the way, and I keep worrying about them all the time.

I hope tomorrow goes well bubble, will be thinking of you.

RTKangaMummy · 02/03/2005 09:35

MunchedTooManyMarsLady and Kelly and toomanypushchairs Thanks

80's mum

{{{{{{{{{}}}}}}}}}

I know we were very lucky to bring home DS and my heart goes out to you

We are still all the parents of twins

good luck today bubble

I didn't manage to have any more babies [due to a miscarriage]

I couldn't face having any more infertility treatment because no one could give me any guarantee that I would have a baby at the end.

I know really stupid as no one can guarantee anything but really couldn't face the heartache of losing another baby again

milge · 02/03/2005 21:31

Hope today went ok for your Bubble.

milge · 02/03/2005 21:33

RTKM, your first post made me smile - one of my dt's has global delay and autism. someone once said to me "at least you've got one normal one" - people's unchecked comments re twins are the crassest thing i have ever heard

MunchedTooManyMarsLady · 02/03/2005 21:33

How was it today bubble?

bubble99 · 02/03/2005 21:39

Today went OK. DH was with me and it was (for me at least) a case of 'head down and let's get on with this'. Everyone was really kind and Elijah proved a good distraction from too many awkward questions/comments. A few funereal looks from people though which made me teary but I completely understand that people feel they need to say something. I'm going in again tomorrow and I'm sure it'll gradually get easier. I'm desperate to get back to some kind of normality, I've posted elsewhere about driving after CS, how soon etc. I know I need to check with insurance company. Any thoughts from the 'multiples crew?'

MunchedTooManyMarsLady · 02/03/2005 21:43

bl**dy hell bubbles, don't ask me. I'm a non-driver. I think it's about 6 weeks, but don't quote me.

Well done for getting through today. One step at a time honey. Glad Jah Jah (is he still called that) proved a distraction. I'm really proud of you.

How's Elijah today?

milge · 02/03/2005 21:43

Well done mr and mrs bubbles. I am sure it will get easier as you do it more often. Re driving, don't be lulled into a false sense of security by painkillers, and if your wound is still leaking, i would leave it awhile. I was still wobbly a month after a twin cs and wouldn't have wanted to drive much before then.

RTKangaMummy · 02/03/2005 21:44

Am glad that it went ok Bubble

It will get better

Once you are driving again and more independent it will be better each day

A day at a time

bubble99 · 02/03/2005 21:59

Our two older DS' have moved on from Jah Jah to 'she', 'it' and we're currently on 'footle'. This suits him. You all remember how newborns make those funny little squeaking noises and smack their lips, well 'footling' (pronounced fooootle - ing) is the correct new verb to describe these actions - hence footle.

Oh dear, I really do need to get out more don't I.

MunchedTooManyMarsLady · 02/03/2005 22:04

footle it is then. Blimey, kids move so fast hard to keep up. Oo look, desperate housewives

RTKangaMummy · 02/03/2005 22:23

footle Ahhhhhhhh

RTKangaMummy · 02/03/2005 22:23

Am off

upstairs now

chat tomorrow

MunchedTooManyMarsLady · 02/03/2005 22:24

nite RTK.

RTKangaMummy · 02/03/2005 22:26

night night

Just didn't want to disappear

back tomorrow though

MunchedTooManyMarsLady · 02/03/2005 22:27

good. See you then!

bubble99 · 02/03/2005 23:46

I'm off to feed the footle now and we'll probably both fall asleep on the bed. I know co - sleeping is frowned upon but he seems so much happier next to either DH and I and we put him at the top of the bed with his blankets and pillows on either side and we sleep further down IYSWIM so that we can't roll onto him or cover him with our duvet, it makes BF a lot easier during the night too. Am I being reckless do you think?

BTW, wasn't Edie from 'Desperate Housewives'in 'Dynasty' or 'Knots landing' or something in the eighties?

yoyo · 02/03/2005 23:57

No you are not being reckless. Enjoy your sleep. I've slept with mine and enjoyed every second.

MunchedTooManyMarsLady · 02/03/2005 23:59

She was in Knots Landing.

You are not being feckless. I slept with everyone of mine. You know the DTs will be awake shortly and end up in bed with me. You enjoy having footle beside you

Nite bubbles. Kisses to you and yours

Original poster
throckenholt · 03/03/2005 08:33

we always had ours in bed with us for a while in the ealry days - usually on DH's chest - sometimes it was the only way they settled. It only lasted a few weeks at most and we had no problems getting them into cots. Although we normally dumped them in cots at some time during the night from early on because I never slept well with them in with us.

With c-section and driving I thought it is supposed to be 4 weeks - but I never had one so I am not sure. Ring the hospital and check, or ask your midwife.

OP posts:
RTKangaMummy · 04/03/2005 20:58

Bubble how is footle ?

How was the school run?

Is it getting better?

Hope you are OK?

bubble99 · 04/03/2005 23:39

Hi RTKM

He's indulging in a footle as we speak. Squeaky noises, head turned, mouth open and looking for a boob. I've had to remind my other two that his name is Elijah as they tell anyone who asks that he's called Footle

We're doing okay. I'm at the angry stage now, we've been through and now and I'm sure we're going to go through them all again at different stages.

The school run was okay, DH came with me and everyone was very kind which of course made me cry. I'm going to have to face it I know but it's like picking a scab, just as healing starts to take place it's all pulled apart again.

I know it's very early days but DH and I have already said that we'd like to try and have another child sooner rather than later. We'll never replace Bo but there's a gap in our family which feels so wrong It took us a year to get pregnant with the twins and I'm 39 in July so we don't have forever.

Thanks for your kind thoughts RTKM, it means a lot and I know that you really do know what I'm going through - and for being strong enough to post, it must bring back some very painful memories for you.

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