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Newborn twins

142 replies

Mackenzie2009 · 29/12/2024 12:53

Hi all
We've just found out our young daughter is expecting twins. To say this has comr as a shock is an understatement. She's only 15 nd my husband is furious. Our daughter is insistent that she wants to keep them and continue her education so I imagine that I will be the main caregiver for a few years and Imstumbling at the first hurdle. Where do I get a pram and travel system for two very tiny newborns. We really don't have a lot of money and I'm starting to get scared about the cost of everything. Any help will be immensely helpful.

OP posts:
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Irie1980 · 29/12/2024 17:39

I don't think anyone is forcing the idea of adoption, but it's unlikely a 15 year old has any iota of what's required to rear twins. A serious discussion is needed is all.

Nc546888 · 29/12/2024 17:43

I’m saddened shocked and slightly sickened that someone has suggested pushing her into a termination or adoption. The trauma and pain of these options if it’s not what the mother wants is huge.
this is not the 50s and an unmarried mother doesn’t have to give her babies up in Call the Midwife style.

also think it’s sad people saying she must do every feed and nappy change to be a responsible mother. Plenty of first time mothers in their 30s have help with feeds and nappy changes from their relatives. It’s kindness to a new mum. I would always want to help my daughter especially if she was in a tough stage of life with new baby/babies

Bobbieiris · 29/12/2024 17:45

I have little 5 month old twins , I got their double buggy off Facebook marketplace for hardly anything , I just researched the make I wanted and kept a look out for that one second hand. It’s a mountain buggy duet and I love it!! I bought or was given a lot second hand or found good deals online. You really don’t need much but I have found bouncy chairs invaluable (bounce one while feeding the other!) also Moses baskets for sleeping downstairs in the day…I got them in a sale but they can also be found second hand. People love twins so I expect they will receive lots of gifts..I got given lots of lovely clothes and a play mat. If bottle feeding I would suggest getting a couple of nuby ‘rapid cool’ flasks (they are a life saver! ) and a couple of Milton cold water sterilisers…they are cheap and practical ( rapid cool about £20 on Amazon and Milton steriliser also about £20). Vinted is good for clothes and toys. Also matalan and Asda for cheap baby multi pack clothes. Tesco sell big bags of nappies for £1.70.
if identical twins they may be born early. Mine were 10 weeks premature and spent weeks in hospital. My friend has non identical twins and they were born full term so it really does depend on the pregnancy. They are lots of work so it’s good to have a good support network but people will want to help…I’ve had so much support from work colleagues and neighbours as well as family.
Twins are a lot of work but an absolute joy

defnotadomesticgoddess · 29/12/2024 17:48

We got a Maclaren double stroller which was suitable for newborns and could fit through a standard shop doorway. Wasnt hugely expensive

Postitnotess · 29/12/2024 17:48

Is the dad the same age? His parents need to pay for the pram and cot if you'll be doing the childcare. They also need to pay for formula milk etc. I don't know how you didn't realise she was pregnant. Twin pregnancies show a lot sooner than single baby pregnancies.

CrispieCake · 29/12/2024 18:02

DemelzaandRoss · 29/12/2024 17:35

Some of the comments here are straight out of the 1950/60s.
Anyone who has seen Long Lost Family knows about the lifelong mental anguish felt by young unmarried women who were forced to have their babies adopted.
It’s not the best situation, but certainly not the worst.
The lack of compassion by some posters is astounding.

The OP is entitled to her life. She doesn't have to sacrifice it because of her DD's decisions. And she's entitled to come on here and vent - it sounds like she's being very measured, compassionate and realistic in RL. A lot of teens are past masters at insisting that they are mature enough to make their own choices and then leaving others to deal with the consequences of them.

There will be emotional, financial and practical support available for the OP's DD for whatever decisions she makes, but the OP is entitled to be fucked off that, as the female parent of the mother, it's being assumed that she'll sacrifice herself, wave a magic wand and make everything ok. What some people on here are saying is "Don't do that. Support your DD, yes, but make it clear that she has to be the parent and you're not going to step in for her. Be clear on what you are prepared to do and don't be afraid to draw boundaries".

dickdarstardlymuttley · 29/12/2024 18:06

The OP needs support. Not condescending judgemental views and opinions.
OP, focus on the positive advice and guidance you've been given here. Also, please keep us posted. I'm sure there is a depth of love and support for what you're going through. You're not the first and you won't be the last mother in this situation 💐

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 29/12/2024 18:19

Everyone seems to be ignoring the mention that the mother to be is ‘nd’. Is this a factor in how she became pregnant, and how she managed to conceal the pregnancy? Does this have any implications for her ability to understand her situation, and to make realistic plans for the future?

teatoast8 · 29/12/2024 18:20

Postitnotess · 29/12/2024 17:48

Is the dad the same age? His parents need to pay for the pram and cot if you'll be doing the childcare. They also need to pay for formula milk etc. I don't know how you didn't realise she was pregnant. Twin pregnancies show a lot sooner than single baby pregnancies.

She might breastfeed?

Tubetrain · 29/12/2024 18:22

You need to sit her down and be frank about what you can and can't contribute in terms of time and money. Is the dad around?

MaxMaxy · 29/12/2024 18:25

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 29/12/2024 18:19

Everyone seems to be ignoring the mention that the mother to be is ‘nd’. Is this a factor in how she became pregnant, and how she managed to conceal the pregnancy? Does this have any implications for her ability to understand her situation, and to make realistic plans for the future?

Where does it say she is nd?

MaxMaxy · 29/12/2024 18:26

How old is the father?

Mumto32022 · 29/12/2024 18:26

this must be so difficult. And I imagine your daughter has been very scared. Also a lot easier to hide than a lot would imagine - young tend to take a while to show / baggy clothes etc not entirely unusual for it not to become obvious even with twins until 6 ish months.
I would speak to her midwife regarding help she should be allocated a young mums midwife and a family nurse practitioner. I would also swallow any pride and ask for help on local Facebook sites. Ask if anyone has any freebies / cheap baby things. Double prams / cots / etc. most people want to get rid of stuff and are happy to give away for free or next to nothing especially when they know others are in need! Cheap bundles from Vinted for clothes etc. baby sales. Car boot sales etc.
I would definitely want new car seats and new mattresses for cot or Moses baskets. And new bottles / steriliser.
there is help out there if you ask !
I hope you manage to grapple through. Your daughter will need support but it’s important she knows that she is the parent to both babies and you are the grandparent. You will help provide support but you are not doing everything in equal measure. She will need a lot of help in those early days though recovering from c section and with babies that need feeding regularly. As twins they are likely to be slightly early / premature. So try and get everything ready prior to 34-35 weeks. Although babies may end up on NNU.
(I am a midwife by the way. A family nurse practitioner would be your best bet for all advice. She will help your daughter with finances / benefits / parenting advice / referrals etc )

StuntNun · 29/12/2024 18:27

We have a local "Freebay" group on Facebook where someone in your position might be able to request second hand equipment such as cots and car seats. Do you have access to anything similar in your area? I'm sure your daughter has no clue what she's getting into with twins at age 16; she really needs your support.

berksandbeyond · 29/12/2024 18:31

I would be encouraging her to consider adoption. This is going to be a shit show and adoption would be the kindest choice for all 3 of the children involved, and for you and your husband!

mamatoTails · 29/12/2024 18:34

I have twins who are now 7.

My advice is to join a local twins & multiples group locally - check TAMBA or ask your health visitor. Very helpful group, with other multiple parents and babies, where the mums will always be willing to sell on anything at an excellent price to a fellow multiple mum, and also lend!
If you can go before birth I'd recommend as they will let you try out the prams they have, and give you the pros and cons of the many on the market.

I used a single pram when newborn, and when a little bigger put one twin in a sling, and moved to a double stroller when they were much bigger.

I can't imagine being a mum at 15, and to twins too, but tell your daughter to ask, and to accept as much help as she needs - there is no shame in asking or accepting - it's definitely needed with twins. They are hard work but an absolute joy.

Chocolatetoothache · 29/12/2024 18:35

MauveVelcro · 29/12/2024 13:55

It’s not that unusual, I didn’t show until 6 months with my twins, by the time I had them at 7 months I was huge

Most women pregnant with singletons are showing at 6 months. I'd imagine the % of women pregnant with multiples who are very clearly pregnant by 6 months is far higher.

If you still had a flat stomach at 6 months pregnant with twins, I suspect you are very 'unusual' indeed.

Much easier to hide a pregnancy in winter though I’d have thought?

GymBuffMum · 29/12/2024 18:36

This is the kind of situation where you have to think - it’s happened but well, it could be worse. It’s a shame so was so scared of telling you that she hid it for 6 months.

It is shocking and scary and you and your DH are obviously very disappointed and angry but you have to balance that with the fact that she hasn’t committed a crime, hurt anyone or done anything that bad except have sex! A lot of teenagers do it, you or your DH may have done it yourselves. Her boyfriend is equally responsible in being stupid enough not to ensure contraception was being used but adults with much more maturity and wisdom do the same thing everyday. Take the shame out of it for her and tell your DH to stop being ‘furious’, unlucky that she got pregnant with twins and got pregnant at all but if you all pull together and she is adamant she is willing to raise them herself with help (but SHE’s doing it) then in a few years, you and your DH may be extremely proud of her. She needs to spend the next few months thinking very hard about all this and what it will entail. Adoption will still be an option within the first year in extremis.

You need to get benefit advice urgently as it is likely that as she will be a single parent over 16 and responsible for a child/ren that she’ll get Universal Credit which will be a decent amount for two children, child benefit and possibly a maternity grant of £1000 for twins which will cover most of the initial outlay if buying a pram/cot second hand. You can probably call Universal Credit to find out and when she can apply.

Likely to get childcare costs paid to continue her education too.

Have you discussed with boyfriend’s family? You need a sit down meeting to discuss what support they/he will be offering. Hopefully they will be on board and both families with help out.

She needs to think about how she’s going to feed them, obviously breast will be save a lot of money but will be pretty hard. Was for me and I was 30! You and she could talk to a breast feeding counsellor before the birth if that what she wants to do but she may prefer straight to formula which is totally fine. She’ll need at least 12 bottles so not washing and sterilising all day and clean ones ready.

I had a travel cot with a bassinet insert in the lounge when mine were small. They slept in it in the day and the bassinet insert was high enough up so I didn’t need to bend over to change nappies which was helpful after a c-section. Just slid a thin changing mat underneath them. They both fitted in the bassinet until about 3 months and napped in it with bassinet removed until about 6 months when I got another travel cot and used them as playpens/safe containment until at least a year old.

Like this:
www.maxi-cosi.co.uk/home-equipment/swift?color_swatch_id=5587&utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=PMax%3A%20UK_pur_smart_shopping_HEQ&utm_id=17668531158&gad_source=1

Only had one cot fit the first few months and laid them in it widthways.

When she turns 16, make sure DD is put on council housing list. May take a few years but hopefully by the time she’s finished education, something will come up,

Good luck and congratulations to you all (although it may not feel like it).

Chocolatetoothache · 29/12/2024 18:39

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 29/12/2024 18:19

Everyone seems to be ignoring the mention that the mother to be is ‘nd’. Is this a factor in how she became pregnant, and how she managed to conceal the pregnancy? Does this have any implications for her ability to understand her situation, and to make realistic plans for the future?

I thought the ‘nd’ was a typo for ‘and’?

“She's only 15 nd my husband is furious.”

Bodeganights · 29/12/2024 18:40

MauveVelcro · 29/12/2024 13:25

She hid a twin pregnancy for six months without anyone noticing? That's...unusual.

Ffs sake, I had twins and for 6 months you could not even tell I was pregnant. Granted after those 6 months I was huge, but up til then, only my face and boobs changed. And if I had been 15 and hiding it , those changes could have been explained by puberty.

If you think this is a lie,report it. Dont be the thread police. It's not your job.

Parker231 · 29/12/2024 18:40

Mackenzie2009 · 29/12/2024 13:26

She didn't tell anyone until 2 weeks ago. It's absolute chaos here. She'll be 16 in January. X

It isn’t your responsibility to raise these babies. That is your DD’s responsibility.
I have DT’s but am in a secure marriage with the finances to buy in help as needed.
Are you still working - how does your DD expect you to raise these babies when you’re still at work.
It’s time for a serious conversation as to how your DD thinks she is going to raise and support her babies.

berksandbeyond · 29/12/2024 18:41

The fact that she hid it from everyone for 6 months doesn't give much hope that she's going to be a super responsible mother tbh

Parker231 · 29/12/2024 18:44

Bobbieiris · 29/12/2024 17:45

I have little 5 month old twins , I got their double buggy off Facebook marketplace for hardly anything , I just researched the make I wanted and kept a look out for that one second hand. It’s a mountain buggy duet and I love it!! I bought or was given a lot second hand or found good deals online. You really don’t need much but I have found bouncy chairs invaluable (bounce one while feeding the other!) also Moses baskets for sleeping downstairs in the day…I got them in a sale but they can also be found second hand. People love twins so I expect they will receive lots of gifts..I got given lots of lovely clothes and a play mat. If bottle feeding I would suggest getting a couple of nuby ‘rapid cool’ flasks (they are a life saver! ) and a couple of Milton cold water sterilisers…they are cheap and practical ( rapid cool about £20 on Amazon and Milton steriliser also about £20). Vinted is good for clothes and toys. Also matalan and Asda for cheap baby multi pack clothes. Tesco sell big bags of nappies for £1.70.
if identical twins they may be born early. Mine were 10 weeks premature and spent weeks in hospital. My friend has non identical twins and they were born full term so it really does depend on the pregnancy. They are lots of work so it’s good to have a good support network but people will want to help…I’ve had so much support from work colleagues and neighbours as well as family.
Twins are a lot of work but an absolute joy

The mother to be is 15 so limited support network other than the assumption that her mother will look after the babies.

Postitnotess · 29/12/2024 18:45

teatoast8 · 29/12/2024 18:20

She might breastfeed?

I doubt it if she's having twins and still at secondary school.

GymBuffMum · 29/12/2024 18:50

Parker231 · 29/12/2024 18:44

The mother to be is 15 so limited support network other than the assumption that her mother will look after the babies.

She should be eligible for childcare costs paid for college. She needs to check this.

Hardest thing is going to be caring for them as newborns while finishing her GCSEs. Once you’ve all calmed down, you need to speak to her school OP about what support can be put in place for that when she returns next week. That will be a pretty big feat and she will definitely need someone to take on a lot of the load.