Newborn twins

[Mackenzie2009]

Hi all
We've just found out our young daughter is expecting twins. To say this has comr as a shock is an understatement. She's only 15 nd my husband is furious. Our daughter is insistent that she wants to keep them and continue her education so I imagine that I will be the main caregiver for a few years and Imstumbling at the first hurdle. Where do I get a pram and travel system for two very tiny newborns. We really don't have a lot of money and I'm starting to get scared about the cost of everything. Any help will be immensely helpful.

Wow. What a very unfriendly response. This a very hostile place to come for support. I'm sorry I reached out now. Thanks very much

If she formula feeds don’t use any perfect prep machines. More and more evidence is coming out about issues with them. They just don’t get hot enough for long enough to kill the bacteria.

It’s not that unusual, I didn’t show until 6 months with my twins, by the time I had them at 7 months I was huge.

She is 15, likely very scared and purposely hid the pregnancy until she couldn’t anymore.

OP is here for advice, not judgement.

SouthLondonMum22 · Today 13:33

MrsSkylerWhite · Today 13:32
She didn't tell anyone until 2 weeks ago. It's absolute chaos here. She'll be 16 in January. X

Sorry, I’m probably being a bit thick, long time since we had ours. How does she know she’s expecting twins if she hasn’t told anyone and not had antenatal care?

I’m assuming in those 2 weeks since she’s told everyone that she has started antenatal care and has had a scan

God, I hope so. Poor kid must be in shock herself. She’ll need all the support she can get.

If your dd knows that she is expecting twins, hopefully she will also be taking up antenatal care? Depending on where you live, they may be a specialist service at the hospital for young expectant parents. There may also be a Family Nurse Partnership programme operating in your area (there is a list of areas here: www.gov.uk/guidance/family-nurse-partnership-programme.

If there is a FNP programme in your area, do check to see if she can be referred to them, as the can offer quite intensive support for the first two years.

I work in a service that offers Early Support. As others have said, please consider calling your local Council's Children's Social Services team next week. This is absolutely not with the intention that the children would be removed but with a request that your dd receives Early Support. This could mean that she would be allocated to a Family Support worker, who could work with you and her to ensure that there is an assessment of her capacity to care for the twins and discuss the support that would be available.

If she has concealed the pregnancy and accessed antenatal care late in the pregnancy, it may be that she has already be referred for a Pre-Birth Assessment, which will take the form of an assessment by a social worker.

Breath.
You have a lot to come to terms with.
Ignore the unhelpful posts. The good ones outweigh them.
Keep calm and be kind to yourself. It will all work out. 💐

It’s not that unusual, I didn’t show until 6 months with my twins, by the time I had them at 7 months I was huge

Most women pregnant with singletons are showing at 6 months. I'd imagine the % of women pregnant with multiples who are very clearly pregnant by 6 months is far higher.

If you still had a flat stomach at 6 months pregnant with twins, I suspect you are very 'unusual' indeed.

Twin mum here

I would see if there is a twins group near you? Our local one runs talks for expectant twin parents and hospital talks too with midwives. Also other twin parents always happy to show off their prams! We got our mountain buggy duet off ebay but there are always plenty on our twins group selling pages.

Sure Start Maternity Grant: Overview - GOV.UK
might be worth investigating too - it doesn't mention age but it does say about certain benefits.

It's really not that unusual. I could easily have concealed my 6 month bump when I was pregnant with my twins. Even now after our 4th child, I still had people telling me they didn't even realise I was pregnant until I appeared with the baby.

Its quite possible to conceal pregnancy. I have a very overweight colleague who is pregnant. She's about 7 /8 months and looks absolutely no different throughout the pregnancy. In fact if anything she's lost a bit of weight!
Anyway good luck OP. I am sure you can access local FB groups for suppprt

A family friend's daughter concealed a pregnancy and they found out when she went into labour. They were supportive once the shock wore off, but the poor friend was on her knees after 6 months as she became the default parent at 54.
She ended up on anti-depressants and feeling that her life was over again as she had to stop work/do nights all so her DD could carry on at school. It caused immense strain on her marriage too. She has often said that picking up the broken pieces was the wrong choice for the child and for her.

You don't have to take this on, OP. This is her mistake, her life she's throwing away and there is no way she can be a responsible parent at 16 even 18 - those children are going to be yours for at least the next 5 years. Please don't set yourself on fire to keep her warm as is often said on here.

What a horrible post. My mum had my brother at that age and I'm confident she doesn't look at us as a mistake.

My grandparents set boundaries and she had to get her own place but please don't make out everyone will always regret the children.

I don't think it is a horrible post, it is a truthful story of someone who failed to set decent boundaries and over extended themselves in a way that ended up being unhelpful for everyone in the long run.

I have already said that it a couple of years I imagine OP will not wish her grandchildren away but the advice not to set yourself on fire to keep others warm is sensible.

Raising twins is very hard and I found it positively brutal at first, so setting boundaries and not taking on too much responsibility seems sound advice.

I was a young mother, 17.
Nothing terrible happened. The birth was quick. & straightforward.
I had married & we lived independently.
My parents were happy to provide childcare. I was eternally grateful.
Everyone in my family adored the baby & they were supportive.
Clearly your Dd’s situation is more difficult with twins plus she is a year younger.
However, if you all adopt a positive, can do attitude you can be the proud Grandparents of two beautiful babies.
My eldest DC was close to his Grandparents until they passed away.
Obviously you cannot put the clock back & change anything. The only way is forward.

Where's the father & his family?

I knew a 15yo who had twins a few years ago. She stayed living with mum and dad. She was the main carer with mum/gran doing a lot.

The couple stayed together as a couple but living at each others homes. He saw the DCs regularly. The relationship eventually fizzled out.

Check if there's a mum & baby school unit nearby. She can study distance /part time while they are young then plan on going to uni/work when they go to school.

It's not a complete disaster you just play the hand you've got and get on with life.

@unmemorableusername

It's not a complete disaster you just play the hand you've got and get on with life.

I think this is good advice for life in general.

You've just got to make the best of the situation

Look for a local twins club. Our local one has a closed FB page which you can request to join. On there people are selling very cheap or giving away loads of outgrown second hand twin things. I would suggest as a minimum get the following (you can get most of these second hand)

• Double pram
• 2 x bouncy chairs
• Asda Feeding pillow
• 2 x moses baskets or cribs. Mine didn't settle well sleeping together. So we had a crib downstairs for daytime sleep and 2 x moses baskets in out bedroom (my twins fitted in these till almost 6 months)
• Bedding for the cribs. Plus baby sleeping bags are good
• Obviously clothes, nappies, bottles and steriliser of some description
• Dummies were very useful for my twins to soothe 1 crying baby whilst you sort their twin.

Then 2 x infant car seats, don't buy these second hand incase of any damage. I would recommend getting car seats that can clip onto the pushchair frame as useful when moving in and out of places (as carrying 2 babies in and out of venues is not easy).

Also you probably need to look for this fairly quickly as twins will not go full term. My twins were born at 33 weeks.

Has adoption been discussed?

Twin mum here and mum of 5:

Dealing with the practicalities first

Pram: think about where you live, types of roads/pavements etc, measure your doorways and front door, and think of places you will be going regularly with the pram like doctors surgery etc. I had 2 prams the Silvercross Wave Twin - it’s a tandem so the same width and a single pram as the babies are stacked rather than side by side. Brilliant pram when in the car seat and carrycot stage and was great for getting through the narrow doors in the village I live in, though once we moved to the seat stage it was difficult to handle and heavy so I got a second hand baby jogger city mini, cost me £25 of marketplace and I use it daily for the school run, it’s not pretty but it fits through my doors and the twins like to sit side by side.

Sleep: you’ll want plenty of safe sleep spaces especially in the early days. I recommend buying 2 cots, put one downstairs and one upstairs, twins can share both for around the first 6 months. Once the upstairs cot is too snug to share, move the second cot upstairs. I wish I had done this myself as would have saved time and money. I had 2 Moses baskets, 2 bedside cribs and then 2 cots, it was not necessary I could have just made do with just the 2 cots from the start.

Play: You will want 2 bouncy chairs: try to get ones that will last beyond 6 months. I got infant to toddler rocker chairs and mine used theirs until they were 2. Playpen: once they start crawling get the biggest one your living room will accommodate, it’s somewhere safe to put them both while you nip to the loo or make a brew and is essential for a bit of sanity saving.

Feeding: I recommend the Milton Cold sterilising system, so much easier to deal with and less faff than a steam steriliser as you can just add to it as needed throughout the day and change the water once every 24hours.
You will need many many bottles at least 6 for each baby.
I have seen people recommend the twin feeding pillow which is great but consider also getting 2 single ones, that way your DD can sit and feed one baby, and you or someone else can feed the other.
Muslin squares: just go ahead and buy those in bulk!!!

Clothing: as many have said I wouldn’t bother with outfits just lots of comfy sleepsuits and vests. Get on Vinted and Facebook where there are lots of specific twin sellers and you can buy a bundle.

You can get everything you need second hand, car seats and mattresses were the only big things I bought brand new.

What a shock OP.

I would be having a serious conversation with your dd about finances and practicalities, and also talk about the idea of adoption. It could be the best solution for all involved.

Have you approached the dad and his family? Could a family meeting be an option?

Poor you, as the Mum of now 15 year old twins, I can tell you that you have no idea what’s going to hit you all. The thought of either of mine have twins is so off the wall it’s practically hilarious.

Obviously, she (teenager that she is) has shat on her family from a great height, won’t be reasoned with, and will blithely assume other people to pick up the pieces.
Because she is so young, as the magnitude starts to dawn on her, you will be left dealing with new born twins plus a teenager with PND.

Apparently there are schemes for helping very young mothers but I don’t know if 16 is the cut-off.

Are you in a position to provide childcare anyway? Can she even string a coherent plan for the first year together.

I must say the people who talk about how their teenage pregnancy turned out OK, really need to get a grip. The vastl majority were housed, fed, provided with free childcare and more for years on end, with a value of tens of thousands. They handed their parents the very shitty end of the stick and decades later still don’t get it.

Facebook market place is going to be your friend.
Honestly, everything needs to be secondhand where possible. Many people will also give away smaller items like clothing.
Charity shops also.
Ask the local social care if they have a baby bank locally. It’s like a good bank but for baby essentials, they might be able to help with the basics for the first few months

What a shock for you! You must feel really in the middle between your DH and daughter.
I agree worth reaching out to the father and his parents - see what support they can offer, may be able to take the pressure off you.
I certainly would expect to support if my teen son had got someone pregnant- although I’m a long way off from worrying about that yet!

I would reach out to the parents of the father and see what help they can/are willing to provide. This is their mess too.

And I agree with @MoveToParis . A very unfair situation for you to be in, OP. No say whatever in your DD's decision, it's too late even to have a sensible discussion with her and yet she gets to up-end your life from under you just as you were probably looking forward to having a bit more freedom. And you're right - everyone will be looking to you to pick up the pieces and you'll be the villain of the situation if you say "Actually, this is my life and caring for newborn twins at this stage of it is not what I had planned to do".

Some of the comments here are straight out of the 1950/60s.
Anyone who has seen Long Lost Family knows about the lifelong mental anguish felt by young unmarried women who were forced to have their babies adopted.
It’s not the best situation, but certainly not the worst.
The lack of compassion by some posters is astounding.