Hello T&T,always lovely when you pop in, and thank you for your kindness too. Dh has just gone up to bed, feel its like countdown now, Mon will soon be here, then everything changes, but I am hoping it will maybe bring something new, meaning us being closer. We had a long talk this morning and I let it all out, I said I just cant do this by myself, meaning face it all, live with it, I need him to be with me, although it is his body and he is the one who will have to go through it all, I need help too, I am scared. I said that for 14 years we have both dealt with Matthews death so differently, so differently that we have not been able to help each other. I want to talk and talk about Matthew, if I see a tv advert, or hear some music that reminds me of Matthew, I cant help but say so, H has always said, "why do you say these things", so very opposite, do you feel that Shabs with D? So this time, different situation I know, but another frightening one I just want us to work through it together, I hope he feels he needs me as much as I need him. Oh dear Shabs..........been watching I`d do anything again.............."as long as he needs me". Have any of you watched it? I am gunning for Jodie, love her to bits, reminds me of you Shabs