13 month old twins and life with breast cancer

[Teats4twins]

I have been debating for a while posting. I'm not one to normally share my struggles. But after a while of sitting back and reading I feel its the right thing to do.
I have 13 month old identical female twins. I love them to pieces. I breastfed them for 11 months. The only reason I stopped I feel was snatched away from me when I was unfortunately diagnosed with triple negative breast cancer. ( a very , aggressive breast cancer) and this I find to this day a real psychological struggle. I was sent through the staging process. CT scans, MRI. they found a lump on my liver , which luckily came back benign. I've now had my surgery to remove the lump. But there's still a long road ahead. I.e chemo etc, awaiting results from surgery. If theres a clear margin or spread to lymph nodes. me and my partner have had it quite tough. We had to live with MIL when the twins were born which I'm so grateful for but didn't come without its struggles and only just got housed 3 weeks ago, literally the week I had my surgery. I've found becoming a mother to twins with minimal support ( I only have my dad from my side) very tough. A breastfeeding journey of twins, which I was so stubborn with and glad because they are thriving. I am now emotionally struggling, I feel I have lost the bond with my girls in a sense. Although they have just hit so many milestones, almost walking, chatting away basically growing into beautiful toddlers. Just been housed in the most perfect house we could have asked for. Yet I'm finding it so difficult because I'm stressed about cancer etc I feel bad for my partner too because he never asked for this. Yet being amazing and supportive I may add. I was just hoping for some supportive words I guess. Pretty shitty and bitter sweet being in this situation I guess. Not that I'm not grateful for my beautiful girls and new house. I think I'm just scared of having it all ripped away from me and leaving them behind. I'm sure anybody with twins can relate to the difficulty of raising twins alone without the added stress of cancer, family struggles etc. I guess I'm just looking for some kind words to help me through this extremely difficult time. Thank you x

I was diagnosed when I had a 7, 5 and 3 year old twins. We had finished our breast feeding journey, but I was still very much the main parent. It was very odd watching the children switch allegiance to my husband as he was doing 90% of the legwork while a recovered (we have no other family).

In the long term it was lovely for them to bond better with their father; and now we’re 9 months down the line, they come to us both equally if they hurt themselves.
so there are weird upsides if you really really search!

please be kind to yourself. Your hormones will be all over the place. It’s a fucker the journey you’re on.
It’s not fair.

@Iwasdrunkandamenace this is exactly how I feel, although I really appreciate how much my husband is doing and how amazing he's being its really hard to have taken such a big step back. As for the hormones, well yes that's been incredibly hard. I think I've been the most up and down I've ever been in my life, understandably so though. I wish you all the best in your recovery to.

How are you doing?

@tothelefttotheleft I'm very sorry I never saw this reply. Unfortunately more bad news! The cancer grew back as fast as it was cut out so booked in for a mastectomy in 5 weeks. Hoping the cancer hasn't spread but lots of pains throughout my body. Just trying to keep positive and focus on my twins! Hoping life is going well for you and thank you for checking in.