13 month old twins and life with breast cancer

[Teats4twins]

I have been debating for a while posting. I'm not one to normally share my struggles. But after a while of sitting back and reading I feel its the right thing to do.
I have 13 month old identical female twins. I love them to pieces. I breastfed them for 11 months. The only reason I stopped I feel was snatched away from me when I was unfortunately diagnosed with triple negative breast cancer. ( a very , aggressive breast cancer) and this I find to this day a real psychological struggle. I was sent through the staging process. CT scans, MRI. they found a lump on my liver , which luckily came back benign. I've now had my surgery to remove the lump. But there's still a long road ahead. I.e chemo etc, awaiting results from surgery. If theres a clear margin or spread to lymph nodes. me and my partner have had it quite tough. We had to live with MIL when the twins were born which I'm so grateful for but didn't come without its struggles and only just got housed 3 weeks ago, literally the week I had my surgery. I've found becoming a mother to twins with minimal support ( I only have my dad from my side) very tough. A breastfeeding journey of twins, which I was so stubborn with and glad because they are thriving. I am now emotionally struggling, I feel I have lost the bond with my girls in a sense. Although they have just hit so many milestones, almost walking, chatting away basically growing into beautiful toddlers. Just been housed in the most perfect house we could have asked for. Yet I'm finding it so difficult because I'm stressed about cancer etc I feel bad for my partner too because he never asked for this. Yet being amazing and supportive I may add. I was just hoping for some supportive words I guess. Pretty shitty and bitter sweet being in this situation I guess. Not that I'm not grateful for my beautiful girls and new house. I think I'm just scared of having it all ripped away from me and leaving them behind. I'm sure anybody with twins can relate to the difficulty of raising twins alone without the added stress of cancer, family struggles etc. I guess I'm just looking for some kind words to help me through this extremely difficult time. Thank you x

I'm really sorry that you are going through this and can only imagine what a scary time it must be. I'm sorry it been so overwhelming and actually raising little babies is super hard.

You are doing your best and remind yourself of that.

Your partner never asked for this, but neither did you. In sickness and in health.

I hope everything works out for you - try to spend as much time with your twinnies. Take photos, make memories. I l

Sorry accidentally clicked post.

1. Talk to a counsellor- i've had this privately during various parts of my life and has been much needed lift up.

1. One of the techniques i learnt is grounding - google it and if you feel overwhelmed use your 5 sense to look at 5 things, stop and see what you can smell and it will

help break your train of thought.

1. Try to compartmentalise your worry.

Can I do anything today? No. "Postpone" worry so after you have that appt. Sometimes you'll find actually that gives you temp relief.

It's hard and here's a hand hold. Life can be so shit - hopefully the doctors can give you more good news and you can move past this rubbish chapter and just focus on kicking ass as an awesome twin super mum.

I have triple negative. I’ve had the surgery and found out Friday my margins and lymph node was clear.

Have chemo and radiotherapy ahead.

have you had the gene testing?

I have two adult children but they have additional needs.

if I can support you in any way I’d be happy to.

Ooft. What a lot to deal with.
You sound like an amazing Mum.
My own Mum was diagnosed with cancer when I was in my 20's. I was bereft and terrified of losing her.
She came through multiple surgeries, chemo, radiotherapy and lived many happy and healthy years - enough not only to meet her Granddaughter (I hadn't met DH yet) but also to spend many years being an amazing Granny and Mum.
I've had a scare myself and it was awful.
But - breast cancer is highly treatable and it sounds like you're getting good care. I hope you find some peace and tranquility this Christmas xx

Thank you for your kind words and advice. It is really appreciated. I do my best to stay grounded, be in the moment. I am under the mental health team etc the surgery has been hard. I've been in a lot of pain. Which I could deal with normally but having two 1 year olds wanting to climb on you on a daily basis is tough. If somebody told me, 'yes the road ahead is tough but there is 100% chance you will be cured, I would be happy' x

Noone can tell you how to feel in this situation but by stopping breastfeeding to have treatment, you have given yourself the best chance and your twins will be forever faithful for that. You will always been their mummy and they will love you so much, breastfed or not. As long as they loved, fed and healthy then you are doing your job as mummy. Neither you or your husband asked for this, so do not feel bad and I hope you can lean on and support each other. Sending lots of love to you.

@tothelefttotheleft I'm sorry you are having to go through this painful journey too, it's pretty rubbish! I was offered gene testing but I declined at this time for me I feel its not right. But I will do it in time but right now I do not want to know the fate of my baby girls. Thank you it would be nice to be in contact with someone in a very similar situation to me. I wish you all the best in recovery.

My surgery was much more difficult than I was led to believe by Macmillan. I didn't have twins to look after either!

@Beamur thank you too for your kind words. I am finding this very comforting. I'm so pleased to hear your mother got through it all and got to see your family grow. I think that's my biggest fear of not being around for my girls. Have a lovely Christmas too. I'm sure I will get through this. It'd been a tough life so far, but I've been very blessed with two beautiful daughters and I'm sure that us enough to keep me going!

@MummyLozza thank you! I love my twins to pieces and they will always come first! A day after my surgery I'm sleep training them in their new cots, in their new house! We will get through it, just a tough time. Have a lovely Christmas. X

No experience to offer you sorry but just wanted to say how amazing you are doing. To have breastfed TWINS for that long is nothing short of incredible! You are smashing it. I know myself (currently breastfeeding 4 month old) how much of a psychological game the whole breastfeeding thing is and I’m sure you wanted to be the one to call it rather than have the decision taken from you but what an achievement it is regardless and you will have given them the best start. You are the most important person now so try not to give yourself a hard time about anything. Your partner sounds great but I can imagine it’s hard when he’s probably trying to focus on you whereas you’ve got all the different plates spinning and probably can’t think straight with everything going on.

I wish you all the very best with your treatment. Cancer is supposedly so rare in young people but you are the third young woman I’ve read of in the last hour with it! Heartbreaking that anyone is having to go through it at all. Sending love

@Flightdelay thank you. I wish you all the best in your breastfeeding journey. No matter how hard it gets plough through especially now you've made it this far. It's hard but so worth it. I absolutely loved feeding my twins. Luckily they transitioned so well onto milk. But what I'd do to go back to the comfort of boobie!!! Yeah apparently rare but I seem to see a trend in breastfeeding and this triple negative breast cancer although the doctors seem to deny there being any correlation. I think it's a deficiency in minerals. I took pregnacare throughout pregnancy and then the breastfeeding ones after. Now I dose up on iodine, organic mushroom extracts and selenium. I've taken a lot of time to research these supplements. If I could go back in time I'd take these whilst breastfeeding, so maybe a suggestion for something for you to look into, not that I think breastfeeding causes cancer, i think i got very unlucky but I'd do it all again and promote the health benefits but just suggest the nutritional side of things is very important. Wishing you all of the best with your new baby

@tothelefttotheleft yes the surgery was very unpleasant. I'm nearly 3 weeks in now, my armpit is healing well but lots of shooting pain. My breast is swollen and still incredibly sore. Although nappy changes have made it worse, I've taken a few good kicks to the boobie, I try to dodge but not always fast enough! It's pretty rubbish isn't it, so pleased for you with your clear results though that's brilliant, fingers crossed for the same results I find out on the 3rd Jan

I can’t begin to imagine how heartbreaking this must be for you all, but I hope you make a full recovery and wish you good health and pray you get to see your twins grow old

@Ponche thank you, I'm optimistic and can't see a reality of not seeing my twins grow old. I think being mentally strong fights the cancer too. Merry Christmas to you

@Teats4twins

My swelling was really really awful. I watched a you tube video about easing it with massage and using weights. ( breast swelling after lumpectomy I think I searched). It helped it a little and also the pain stopped. I I then got a seroma and had to stop.

I was not at all prepared for the level of swelling I had.

@Teats4twins oh thanks for the info, I’m really bad at neglecting myself just now and barely even drinking water never mind taking my vitamins so I really need to prioritise this. I was good at it when the baby was actually in there but now I’m just feeding I don’t seem to focus so much on it! Thank you

What an amazing mum you are. I have huge admiration for you and send you every blessing and encouragement this Christmas.

Definitely look up your local cancer support centre. There are the bigger ones like Macmillan and Maggie's, but some local charities have them too. If you can and feel up to it, see if there are any local toddler groups. It might wear them out!

@Optimistic66 can I ask what the need is to quote the original post (which is already quite long) not once, but twice, when you’re the first person on the thread? Everyone knows what post you’re responding too surely? It just causes unnecessary scrolling.

OP, I have no advice as I haven’t been in a similar situation. You have so much on your plate and I’m sorry that you’re currently going through this. Wishing you all the best x

It's terrifying, and each part of the process is so hard but BC is so much more treatable than it was. PP have suggested compartmentalising, and they're right, although it isn't easy.

I'm more than two years in, and although I still have the occasional wobble, life does get better. Wishing you all the best for the coming year xx

Hi, I know this must be incredibly difficult for you, and I can't imagine doing it with twins, but I was diagnosed with triple negative in both breasts when DD was 8 weeks old (I was actually diagnosed, eventually, because one of lumps was making it difficult to feed from one breast).
I had DD, DS1 who was 6 and DS2 who was 3. I won't lie, it was very tough, but you will get through it. Please take all the help you can get, outside agencies are great - do you have a Maggie's Centre near you.
For me, it's now ten years down the line and I'm still in remission. I was gene tested and I am BRCA2 positive. Now my oldest is 16 he can be tested but there have been so many advances in gene therapy I'm not as terrified for them as before.

@weebarra

That must have been such a lot to go through just weeks after giving birth.

@weebarra that must have been so awful for you, I am sorry you had to go through all of that just after having your baby. I am so pleased to hear your amazing recovery though. It really gives me hope for the next bit ahead.

@MintJulia sorry you've had to go through this too, it truly is awful the not knowing etc. Pleased to hear you are doing so well too, wishing you all the best. X