Active discussions

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Multiple births

When do you start showing with twins? What is life with twins like? Join the conversation on our Multiple Births forum.

Original poster

Twins to go to childminder from 9 months? Am I being selfish?

34 replies

Han2873 · 12/10/2023 13:11

I have nine month old twins and three other children. I am going back to work at the beginning of march so they will be over one but I am considering sending them to a childminder once a week just for half a day but I’m unsure if this is selfish if I’m not going out to work?
i am on my own a lot, my partner leaves the house at 5am and often gets home after 6/7 which means the majority of parenting is down to me which I’m finding quite difficult.
I found it quite easy to get things done with my single babies but the twins aren’t on the same schedule which means they sleep and sometimes eat at different times. I feel like I don’t have time for basics such as having a shower, brushing my hair x

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Set a reminder
usernother · 12/10/2023 13:13

Han2873 · 12/10/2023 13:11

I have nine month old twins and three other children. I am going back to work at the beginning of march so they will be over one but I am considering sending them to a childminder once a week just for half a day but I’m unsure if this is selfish if I’m not going out to work?
i am on my own a lot, my partner leaves the house at 5am and often gets home after 6/7 which means the majority of parenting is down to me which I’m finding quite difficult.
I found it quite easy to get things done with my single babies but the twins aren’t on the same schedule which means they sleep and sometimes eat at different times. I feel like I don’t have time for basics such as having a shower, brushing my hair x

Good grief, no you're not being selfish. Half a day, once a week? Definitely not selfish.

DustyLee123 · 12/10/2023 13:14

No, it’s not selfish. You need some ‘you’ time.

IDontDrinkTea · 12/10/2023 13:15

Not selfish at all, and if you could afford it I’d aim for two mornings a week - it would benefit you to have more ‘me’ time and I suspect they’d settle more if they saw the childminder more often. Appreciate it’s expensive with twins though!

WAC1 · 12/10/2023 13:16

Wow, you're a hero. Get them to the childminder Smile

Womanofmanycoats · 12/10/2023 13:17

Completely agree with others! It will great for them to build a solid relationship with childminder prior to going full time
flip me half a day a week is nothing
it is the opposite of selfish

TheWayTheLightFalls · 12/10/2023 13:27

Do it. But, as a twin mum - focus on getting them on the same schedule. The easiest way to do it is to have a few days of "one up, both up". If one wakes, wake the other. They'll synchronise a bit more, you'll have slightly less chaos.

KateyCuckoo · 12/10/2023 13:29

As a childminder I wouldn't do this, it's too little time to settle them and it's blocking 2 places for half a day.... not worth it I'm afraid.

Original poster
Han2873 · 12/10/2023 13:33

thankyou for all your lovely replies it’s made me feel much better about it!

@TheWayTheLightFalls it’s been really difficult as they’ve had a lot of health issues since they were born so have needed to sometimes be up at different times! We now have one in boots & bars for club foot which causing sleep/routine issues too.

@KateyCuckoo ok thanks, good job you’re not my childminder

OP posts:
PeskyPotato · 12/10/2023 13:34

1/2 a day is probably not long enough. I'd look at finances and see if you can do a couple of mornings. It's a lot on you, but also settling them for a couple of hours with someone unknown will be tough, and will be easier on them if it's more regular so they build a bond with their childminder too.

KateyCuckoo · 12/10/2023 13:35

It wasn't meant as an insult! Geez! I was just trying to prepare your expectations of finding someone to do this.... if you've already found someone then great. Accept and thank her immensely!

Noorandapples · 12/10/2023 13:36

Not selfish at all, 30 years ago the NHS would send out home help to mums of multiples who were struggling. My older family member got someone who did the washing, ironing, cleaning and a bit of cooking every weekday morning.
It wasn't selfish then for free and it isn't selfish now when you're paying!

Lenor · 12/10/2023 13:36

I’m a childminder. Almost every baby I’ve had start in the past few years has done similar. A few months of reduced hours whilst they settle in preparation for mum going back to work.

If you need to justify it to yourself then use the time for buying a new work wardrobe, doing some Christmas shopping etc but really it’s ideal to have them settling with shorter days when you’re around to collect if needed.

(I’m the type of mum who loves every minute I get with my kids too, I still say go for it!)

Hygeelady · 12/10/2023 13:37

I think you'll struggle to get places for half a day once a week. Children take so much longer to settle, although I have had children who have settled on half a day oer week! I usually find the more children there are in the family, the easier they settle. You're not selfish and nobody should make you feel that way, if you can afford it do it, although I think you should take a whole day 🤣

LuckySantangelo35 · 12/10/2023 13:43

@Han2873

why don’t you go for one or two days per week? It’ll be easier to find someone then and you can have a proper break

Original poster
Han2873 · 12/10/2023 13:45

Thankyou @Lenor , the childminder we’re using also has twins herself so she’s been very understanding!
I am the same I spend all the time I can with mine and I am enjoying being off work but I’ve gone from a professional role where I get ready daily to wearing leggings/hoodies and having my hair that not been brushed in a bun. I just feel not myself and thought a few hours may help x

OP posts:
Housenoob · 12/10/2023 13:49

It's so sad that anyone has to ask if this is selfish. Please do it and do not feel you have to justify it to anyone or even see it as a 'treat' for you. Everyone needs a break.

DuploTrain · 12/10/2023 13:52

I think it might be easier for them to settle at the childminder if it’s more than half a day week.

And I always think half days are difficult to plan around nap times…. Maybe a full day would be better? (If it’s affordable).

But no you’re not being selfish!

Worddance · 12/10/2023 13:53

Go for it.

lifeofsty · 12/10/2023 13:55

What on Earth?! Of course you're not selfish! Go for it x

Jk987 · 12/10/2023 13:56

I'd send them for 2 half days a week if you can. I did and she was my only child! It makes the transition so much easier as they'll already be settled when you go back to work. It's unquestionable that you need a break!

Whatintheworldgirl · 12/10/2023 13:58

Han2873 · 12/10/2023 13:11

I have nine month old twins and three other children. I am going back to work at the beginning of march so they will be over one but I am considering sending them to a childminder once a week just for half a day but I’m unsure if this is selfish if I’m not going out to work?
i am on my own a lot, my partner leaves the house at 5am and often gets home after 6/7 which means the majority of parenting is down to me which I’m finding quite difficult.
I found it quite easy to get things done with my single babies but the twins aren’t on the same schedule which means they sleep and sometimes eat at different times. I feel like I don’t have time for basics such as having a shower, brushing my hair x

Hello,

Fellow twin mum here although mine are 7 now. Just as some reassurance, you're not selfish! It's bloody hard work. Plus you have other kids. Please try and find a safe, reliable childminder and then it makes sense for your babies to go to them once a week or even a bit more to allow your twins the time to bond with this person before you head back to work and they are there a lot. It'll make the transition easier for them so in essence you're being caring rather then selfish.

It's going to be tough, mum guilt is so much but you're providing for your family, you're going to put lots of effort into finding the best help and you're providing a strong role model figure to your children.

Best of luck

FrenchandSaunders · 12/10/2023 14:05

I have twins (adults now) and no other children, and I did this for a couple of days a week.

SpinachandChocolate · 12/10/2023 14:07

You have twins, you deserve a break. Not even a proper break is it, just doing house work.

Women are conditioned to think being selfish is so bad. But you have to look after your self to look after others.

Geranium1984 · 12/10/2023 14:08

Absolutely do it! I'd book more time if you could, and/or look at getting a mother's help at home for a few hours a week.

Tryingtokeepcalmandcarryon · 12/10/2023 14:12

I would also recommend some time out from the children, and I did the same, it is so important to have time for you, but as others have said it might be difficult settling them in if they are only doing half a day a week.

All depends on the personality of your children though, obviously some will go happily to someone else for a bit but mine were never happy just to be dropped off without lots of tears etc, it was stressful. (I was never one of those mums who could drop at a gym crèche for a few hours and wouldn’t have attempted it!!)