Hello - 11+3 pg with triplets - still in shock

[Honeymama]

Naturally conceived, no history of multiples in either family, and we already have a 2yr old daughter - so rather surprised and if I'm honest, not entirely happy. We only wanted one more to complete our family, plus I'm 37 so hardly fresh as a daisy! Still early days so I'm still swaying from thinking we could manage three more, to thinking it would be ridiculous to attempt it. But until we see the consultant on Monday we don't really have a clue what our options are - except the two very obvious ones - keep or don't keep.

Sorry if I sound a bit negative but hormones are all over the shop, my mw is on holiday, only found out when away from home due to a bleed so there's been no support so far. Parents are saying they'll support us whatever we choose but have been making fairly obvious comments like "well, if you were younger and it was your first pg..." and "you can say you miscarried, everyone will understand" etc etc which isn't very helpful. Not sure what I want to hear but I'm finding online forums the only place where I can let it out - we haven't told any friends yet so I feel rather isolated.

Thanks for listening x

I so wish you all the best with whatever decision you make- it is indeed a very difficult one to make and my heart goes out to you. Only 8 months ago we had exactly the same one- triplet pregnancy, 2 year old boy, big anxiety about how we could cope etc. We chose to go ahead and our three healthy boys were born 9 weeks ago at the Sussex County Hospital. It is hard work at the moment, but I don't regret our decision for us.I just wanted you to know that if you did change your mind, there is quite a lot of support to tap into. I feel you must live in my area too as you visited the same hospital. The hospital was great, there is a local lady who runs courses on preparing for and living with multiples. I have 2 lovely students from a local college helping me at home. We also have no local family- which really concerned me, but now we can see what we are dealing with, I feel far less daunted. Wish you all the best, but if I can be of any help, please post again. Jane

I can't believe that you may only have a few days to make a decision as difficult as this. Hopefully they won't pressure you b/c of Dr's schedule or anything like that. Make sure you get the answers you need.

It sounds like you are in good hands, though, so the best of luck to you in this very emotional time.

Gosh honeymama what a momentous decision you have to make . I wish you all the best and hope everything goes well on Thursday. You will find a lot of support here whatever your final decision is, but as others have said don't rush into anything. Will be thinking of you .

Bless you in what ever you decide, it is a terrible time for you both. Everything is for a reason, but as has already been said, we will all support and help you. xxx

thinking of you - what a hard choice the support is here if you need us, you have to make the right choice for you and your family x

Thanks for your messages. this is a hideous time for me and my family, I just keep reminding myself that we are doing what is best for all of us and giving at least one of my babies the strongest chance of making it. I have found a specific support forum for women who are going through/have gone through reduction which has been so helpful and good to know we are not alone. If anyone is interested, please message me directly - I don't want to put it here in case it's against the rules or anything.

You're free to pretty much post what you want on here honeymama. MNHQ are pretty secure

I hope you find us a support as well. Keep posting and let us know how you're doing.

Thanks MarsLady. You have all been fantastic, and I will definitely not be leaving Mumsnet! However, finding something so specific and women who've experienced it who are willing to talk about it is so very very hard. So with that, should anyone need it:
health.groups.yahoo.com/group/SelectiveReductionLossSupport/

It is an invitation only group so it's perfectly safe, no bigots, no hate mail, no disapprovals.

Thanks again.

good luck honeymama. I can't even begin to imagine what you are going through. I hope tomorrow goes well and you get all that you hope for.

Thinking of you tomorrow xxx

Good luck sweetheart. Horrible decision and I expect no real peace in your soul with whatever choice. We don't judge, its a different path for everybody. All the best.

Best of luck honeymama, thinking of you, hope it goes ok x

Thinking of you Honeymama.

Thinking of you today Honeymama!

Thanks so much for all your messages and thoughts. Today's the day and we're still unsure of how it will end - definitely not with 3 but maybe with 2, hopefully with one at the least. I've never been so frightened, worried, guilt-racked and out of control - add on top hormonal. We will get through it, for the sake of our gorgeous daughter if nothing else but it's going to be tough - I'm under no illusions. We think we're going to plant a tree in my mum's garden when it's over to have something to remember the lost ones - I can't have them forgotten, they are greatly loved already, if only circumstances were different.

I will try and return next week - I hope I can view it as the start of a new/different pregnancy, so it might not be multiples as my 'main' forum, but I'll definitely be popping by because you've all been so amazing. What would we do without the internet?

thank you again. I'm so grateful to have found mumsnet at this time.

Honeymamma, so heartbroken for you. I will be thinking of you today.x.

oh honeymama, what a difficult situation. Hope today goes well for you. The tree sounds a lovely idea.

I'm a mum of four, two singles then a surprise set of twins. Do let us know how you get on.

good luck for today honeymama, what a tough decision for you to make.

However you decide when you're there Honey... we're thinking of you and would love you to pop in on us on the d'y ever threads.

Stay strong honeymama. Focus on the future.

Honeymama, whatever happened today I hope you are ok, you still belong to us all, you will have made the right decision for you, take care xxxx

Well, it's done. We have one healthy baby to continue our pregnancy. Sadly we said goodbye to our identical twins. The procedure itself wasn't as terrible as I was expecting (physically), mentally it was as tortuous as I thought it would be and some. I'm heartbroken, guilt-wracked and empty. My local hospital's head midwife has been an angel and is arranging counselling for me and dh plus another appt with consultant where I can have a scan. They had told me at Kings' that I would revert to 'normal' midwifery care and a regular scan at 21wks (which is 9wks away) - I can't bear to go that long without knowing if our darling bean is doing ok, thankfully that won't be the case. Thank you all once again for your kind words and support. I hope to be able to move on soon although my darlings will never be forgotten, but I know we need to give our dd and this little one our time and attention too. Take care x

Much love to you honeymama. Was thinking of you yesterday and today.

Be kind to yourself and allow yourself to grieve.

Thinking of you honeymama, take care of yourself and that little bean

Big hugs Honeymama.