D'ya ever wonder... Just wonder?

[MiniSoksMakeHardWork]

Evening ladies. Since we're at 999 now. Was feeling reflective tonight.

Morning girls - yes massive relief Trips. Mum wouldn't sign the solicitors papers to free the house up to sell. She said 'I live there with my Mum & Dad its not up to me to do that and Im not signing any papers!' so now my brother and I have to get 'power of attourney' it will take 8 months before we can sell and cost over a thousand pounds. 8 bloody months. Never mind - in the great scheme of things it doesn't matter - my Dad is still dead and beyond that nowt matters anymore xx

Good evening ladies..........feeling abit blue, feeling abit of a failure..........feeling and thinking lots of things tonight. Its my dd. I so love her yet I feel I dont know her at all anymore, dont feel connected to her at all. She has drifted so far away from us all, its not just me. She spends all day and night in her room, only comes down when she wants food, every evening meal she sits at the table and has a permanent scowl on her face, never wants to talk to us etc. I know everyone keeps telling me that shes a teenager, that girls are so much different to boys. She wants to be so grown up but she is very nieve about a lot of things. She has never had a boyfriend yet, she doesnt go out in the evenings, he doesnt drink alcohol in any form, doesnt smoke..................so much she is so good for but when it comes to her being a part of our family I feel as though I have lost her. I asked her if she would like to go to London for a day next week, she said could she go with her friend by themselves. She is not at all street wise, her friend wont be 16 until end of July. I said no, but if she likes we can go up and meet her Aunt who lives in London, we could take them to where they want to go, let them wander for a couple of hours and then we would take them for lunch. We could also stay over at sils, so we could stroll in the city along the embankment in the evening etc. No, apparently I am ruining it. I feel so sad, I feel she feels I am too old compared to her friends much younger mothers. I try to talk to dh, he just says he gets fed up of me always nagging her. Sometimes I think hes right. But..........I get very cross when she does things like leaves the toilet dirty, hardly brushes her teeth or washes, her room is beyond belief, her clothes thrown in cupboards, she wont ever sit with us, etc etc etc. I feel a total failure. Love her to bits but just feel any connection with her anymore. Its sad :(

Shabs.......poa is a nightmare, my friend Hella (she has dementia) well her daughter has been trying to get poa for a year now, od knows why it has to take so long. More frustration for you. xx

Goodnight all....

Shabs- I'm so glad your mum is hapoy, maybe its better leaving her in her current placement rather than move to the posh one, will she feel as comfortable there? As gor the PoA, we were lucky that the consultant who diagnosed mum advised us to get ours set up whilst she was still able to understand what she was signing, it saved a lot of trouble, as we were warned how difficult it would be later on. I hope you can get it sorted out.
Trips - with all the problems we are having, especially with J, I can feel your pain. I hate this age, I know everyone says they will grow out of it, but we are losing precious time with our children in the meanwhile. I am not far behind you age wise with my kids, but I am lucky to have a younger DH, which helps. Already, my boys think I am a little "old" compared to some of the other mums, and with girls it must be worse, especially as their mums are young and trendy. I hope she soon starts to come out the "recluse" stage.
Ruby- nice to see you, I know you read, but its lovely to see your comments every now and then.
Soks- I hope your little escape artist settles down a bit more regularly. I'm glad you got some rest!
I'm sitting here reading your messages at 1am as I can't sleep! I am not sure about my new job, its not quite how I thought it would be, especially combined with my rota for the Easter holidays - I have agreed to work 3 long days a week (7.45am-8.30pm) which, normally, will suit me fine, as it gives me 4 days a week off, and I know I'm the newbie there, but I have been put down next week for Thur, Good Fri, off Sat and on again Easter Sun, B/H Mon, so the Easter holidays are a complete washout as far as this family is concerned DH is dreading it, as he will be with the boys most of the bank holiday weekend without my help or intervention. Maybe I will like things more once I am organising it on my terms, as I think things are slightly chaotic as far as the nurse duties are concerned. The carer/activity/therapy side runs fairly smoothly, so there is no reason why the trained nurse duties can't do so as well. For a start, I am itching to get their drug trolly better organised so the meds rounds don't take so long

d`ya ever wonder why you bother going to sleep after 1am only to be wide eyed before 6?? Grrr.....too much going on in my head. Have just mailed my sil in London and told her I am not coming up on Weds. I am not wasting time or money taking dd anywhere atm I have decided. Its all on her terms and I am just fed up. I am just going to get on with my life and be here when she decides she needs me. Just feel as though the whole family unit has fallen apart. As you said Bubbs its such a waste of precious time with them, time which means so much to me having lost Matthew before he reached their age :( So wide eyed, wondering what to do with the day as its going to be lovely. Thinking of my boys who are on a 2 day camp, they drive me nuts at times but not I the same way as madam. They are untidy but that's about it really. Thoma esp likes to be up and off, and the though that they might both be away from home in Sept makes my heart ache. I need to star thinking about something for me, life is speeding by all too quickly. Thank you Bubby for your wise and kind words xx

Forgot my manners................morning all :)

three typing errors!!!

In hospital :(Apollo has not been well lately which we put down to teething and his GP agreed too. His temp was up, his feeds had decreased and more sleepy and stressed than usual...However around 2am, his monitor went off usually it's nothing so I wasn't too worried but when I looked at him he just didn't look right and he felt very hot. I woke DH up who tried to rouse him while I called an ambulance.

DH mananged to wake him where he proceeded to vomit on DH (he has never vomitted before) and bathed him twice (first time Apollo had diarrhea in the tub) as he was putting on his onesie DH noticed a rash a long his neck and around his ears. Cue freaking out.

By the time ambulance arrived Apollo was screaming and still vomitting, his breathing had also become rattled. In the ambulance he had a sezuire, he is currently in HDU on CPAP due his breathing and swollen nodes on his neck.

They suspect measles (going by symptoms and rash) but are going to do a lumbar to rule out meningitis. He's on fluids, pain relief and antibiotics.

...And if things couldn't get any worse around 4.30am Artie started getting a high temperature and diarrhea so they are keeping her in too; as she's been exposed.

I am completely exhausted and DH has had to phone work and has been given 5 days sick off starting Monday. And cancel this morning's conference call.

Such a blasted mess. I feel so crappy mama for not noticing sooner and getting it to this point. Just when things were starting calm down. :(I hate this!

Oh mama. Hope your babies are home soon and it's nothing too serious. Don't go blaming yourself either. You know your children and you did what was best at the time, and when you saw Apollo was looking worse you took action. That's all any parent can do. I can be really paranoid when it comes to temperatures and fevers as James had Viral meningitis as a newborn. And even then I still let him have his 12 month jabs because the gp said he was fine. And he ended up in hospital as a result instead of being at his first birthday party.

Go easy on yourself. You are still coming out the other side of Apollo coming home from hospital anyway.

Trips, I have no suggestions. Only hugs and hope dd comes out the other side soon, recognising what you have done for her throughout her life.

Bubs. Hope your work settles down better for you soon. It sucks that's you're working all the Easter bank holiday, I guess everyone's taken advantage of the new girl.

Josh is slowly getting there. Very slowly!

Easter break is driving me crazy. Kids are just bouncing off each other all wrong and this morning I just snapped. Two bin bags of toys and books were cleared from their bedroom floor after plenty of warning to tidy up and what the consequences would be. Don't think it's sunk in yet. Although I was nice and suggested they might like to out their favourite toys on their bed first. So Emily hasn't lost bedtime bear. Yet.

mama - as soks quite rightly said, you acted as soon as you realised something was wrong, and things develop so quickly when they are little. I hope things settle soon and both are ok.

Thanks ladies, it's so hard not to blame myself or think I could have noticed sooner but Apollo has been teething and two teeth finally cut through but I should have known at least something especially when he started sleeping more... Lumbar ruled out the dreaded one and tests confirmed measles, and he is completely covered in rashes. He's very unsettled and what I think a sensory overload so DH has drove home to get a few home comforts. His fever is causing the staff concern because it keeps rising (currently 40.5) and his breathing isn't stablizing how they want it to, if they can conquer these two things then he should make a full recovery soon.

Artie is also covered in rashes but just her neck, back and arms and a few on her face. Her fever is finally breaking as is down to 39.1 :)

Just had to change all passwords due to the Heart bleed virus - pain in the rear end!

Ditto bubs. A royal pita but done finally.

Joshua was put to bed as normal, then I left him. By the time we went up he had put himself to bed and covered himself. I'd feel happier if he would just go to bed and stay there. But yes such an independent tyke and is also stubborn as a mule - rubbing his eyes and visibly drooping, but insisting on playing still.

Dear Mama what a scare for you, really hope they will both be home with you soon xx
I got an e-mail re changing my password whats this virus all about? Had no trouble logging on, have you all had to change?
Shabs just sending you a very big x

Just changed all my email accounts but that's it. I've had no problems logging in but I had heard of the virus so just changed them to be safe.

Halo hasn't fed at all since yesterday evening so they're going to see if he feeds when he wakes up if not then they're going to put in an OG-tube. Very scary day but hoping the worst is over.

Morning! Jen Jen was first up this morning. Everyone else was still snoozing. Well, for 5 minutes. James was last up at 7:20. That's a heck of a lie in for him! He was up at 4 so grateful I convinced him to go back to bed!!!

Off for a day out with josh and Emily and my mum today. We though it'd be nice. Jen and James are going to nana and grandad's shortly, earlier than usual for them but I felt it would be easier than trying to manage all 4. It's not been going well this holiday!

whats the heartbleed virus??

Hi Trips - It's a virus which has penetrated a lot of so called secure sites(the ones with the little padlock symbol) it has meant that passwords are no longer secure, especially if you use only one or two regular ones. They are advising changing passwords for sites such as facebook, mumsnet, some banking, PayPal etc. I have devised a formula for having a different password for all sites, such as 3 letters of a name, 3 letters of the site and a memorable number, in some sort of order, that way you get a random password, but you can still always remember it.

Thanks Bubbs, just changed on here, will attempt to wade through the rest!!

Took me ages to change my passwords. All those online booksites!

Just to update you a little. I will be AWOL for awhile, Apollo has developed Encephalitis from the measles and has took a turn for the worse and will be transfered to another hospital who are more experienced to treat the Neuro side of things. So, yeah. I'll be absent for awhile but I'll still be reading! X

Oh Mama I hope he makes a good recovery, do you know who they caught it from, or is it a mystery. look after yourself as well as your little ones.
Trips - you are welcome
Hope everything is going smoothly Shabs.
Hi ruby, chops and soks.
my senior manager sawmmy off duty for Easter, and saidvshe thought it was unfair (yep, it was!) So I now have the Monday off. . There were 3 nurses on then anyway, so it was just the assistant manager being a bit mean giving me 4x13hr long days over the Easter weekend.

Oh Mama I hope he makes a good recovery, do you know who they caught it from, or is it a mystery. look after yourself as well as your little ones.
Trips - you are welcome
Hope everything is going smoothly Shabs.
Hi ruby, chops and soks.
my senior manager sawmmy off duty for Easter, and saidvshe thought it was unfair (yep, it was!) So I now have the Monday off. . There were 3 nurses on then anyway, so it was just the assistant manager being a bit mean giving me 4x13hr long days over the Easter weekend.