D'ya ever wonder... Just wonder?

[MiniSoksMakeHardWork]

Evening ladies. Since we're at 999 now. Was feeling reflective tonight.

Had my first hold today. I blubbered like a baby! He's put on quite a bit of weight since I last held him and it shows I can now cup his little bottom in my hand! :)

Still can't see his little face due to the CPAP but it felt right to hold, even Artie settled down on my chest next to him. Onwards and upwards! :)

Hi Sassy, great to hear from you. Yes, bad freezing fog from Monday morning onwards here, I didnt go to choir last night, as DH was worried about me driving in it, I didnt take much pursuading.
Mama- great news!! as you say, onwards and upwards
Hi Shabs, Trips, Chops and Soks.....oh, that sounds like a reality tv programme
Well, its finally going ahead, electricity to consevatory disconnected today, access to all windows, doors etc cleared, plastic has been put down on carpets just in case, as I cant see the workmen removing their boots just to save my carpets... Roll on tomorrow...

Do you ever find yourself staring out the window at nothing in particular with nothing particular on your mind but come back to reality feeling out of sorts and emotional? I seem to be doing that a lot lately. I find myself thinking of what could of been and what ifs - earlier I wondered if I just had kids for the sake of having them followed by tears of guilt for thinking that. Stupid insecurities.

I feel so awful complaining about my life and my beautiful when people would kill to have alive happy children. Even my own brother. He and Petrov want children but their life is in Russian and Gay adoption is illegal and their sexuality might as well be over there. I'd carry a child for them if they could raise it together in Russia.

I should stop rambling and sleep. I should not be allowed use of a phone when sleep deprived! I'm gunna facepalm myself when I read this after I've slept!

Morning girls xx

Morning lovelies.

Mama you are on an emotional roller coaster at the moment so you are forgiven for any crazy, sleep deprived thoughts you may have. Good news about the bf. hope you get lots of snugly feeds soon.

Is it horrid that I looked forward to bigger going to nana and grandad's yesterday so I knew I'd get a decent nights sleep? Probably but apart from a 3am wake up call from Jennifer, with calpol and snuggles to settle her back down I slept really well.

Things are going slowly on the caf front. But our lovely hs coordinator has changed our plan from focussing on the twins to focussing on James. So we get the keep our volunteer a while longer. Plus she's said if the Hv team give us grief over setting up the promised caf, she did her training just before xmas so can do it for us if we want. I so love that woman!

Anyway, onwards and upwards today. Got to finish gathering my bits together for burns night celebrations with the rainbows. We're doing clootie dumplings instead of haggis as we thought that might be too much of an acquired taste for them. And making sporrans. All good fun :)

Hope you have good days ahead x

Mama- you need some sleep, deep breaths, cuddles from your DH and kids and more good news, and you will be fine. Everyone has feelings of guilt and insecurity when they have been in such a stressfull situation, I know I did ( and still do at times!)
Rubes- nice to see you xxx
Soks- I agree about the haggis, although DH and I like it, i was very surprised when we found M loved it too, not at all surprised that J turned his nose up at it tho .

mama, you are doing amazingly well, and you need to rest more! Agree it is all very normal to have these feelings.

Life has been pretty dull here really, nowt much to report at all!

hi Sassy, nice to see you again!

Love and hugs to everyone xx

Mama you have been through so much................you have shown your strength through out everything...........be kind to yourself and as we have all said.............and said to you..............REST!

Workmen all over the house, my ne range cooker is currently being installed so looks like my fist chicken will be cooked tonight! So loving the kitchen, should be finished tomorrow!

Oh Trips it sounds lovely....bet you cant wait for it to be finished x

Thanks, ladies. According DH I called him this morning rambling about stars! Still really tired but I don't know why, I could manage on less sleep at home. Here I feel like a zombie. Spoke to one of the nurses about and she's gunna request me some special tea that should help me sleep... German and their special teas... everything is cured by tea or breastmilk!

Enjoying more cuddles from Apollo today and managed to see his little face when they gave him breathing steriods. He's so beautiful.

Trips, I bet you cannot wait to try out your new kitchen! Seems things are coming along nicely. Have you a schedule when you want it finished by?

Sok - sounds like you have a lovely support team behind you. Hope everything continues to go well! :) Just hearing the word Dumplings have me craving some! I so miss English food!

How you doing Rubster? Hope all is well :)

Its way too warm in every hospital - I used to sit there with my twins....just a little night light on, boiling hot and hardly anyone moving around. My head used to loll forwards all the time. I struggle now to go and see people in hospital - and they dont even have that 'hospital smell' now. Its a dreadful time especially when it is your child.

Oh God, the warmth! We can't open windows because of drafts and the slim chance we make the baby cold. I have a fan but the noise drives me crazy so I don't use it.

I hate hospitals, I have since I was child. When I was little I needed 6 teeth out, it took 2 doctors to put "magic cream" on my hand, both parents to catch, I defiantly but my slippers on wrong feet & nightie on inside out. Then it took 6 of them to hold me down and 2 bouts of anesephetic to put me under. Also have a fear of operations so Apollo's op was pure hell on me.

What I want most is a comfy bed and English chocolate!

Trips - range sounds great, so envious of that, but.....I have new windows!! This is despite the rain falling in buckets half way through the day, just after they had taken out my patio doors leaving a gaping great hole for the rain to come in. That rain had now turned to sleet, so I don't know about whether they will come tomorrow to do the sofitts and guttering. Oh, and I had forgotten how much the wind whistles around my ill- fitting back door now the conservatory has been taken down

Pm an address and I'll send you some chocolate mama. I regularly send a friend who emigrated to nz twirls :)

Clootie dumpling was yummy scrummy. Never had it before and I'm not a fan of fruit cake but this was something else! Dh reckons I could ice that instead of fruit cake at Xmas and we'd all enjoy Xmas cake.

Bigger currently screaming head off for me while dh tries to settle him for bed - he didn't want dh earlier so I cleaned his teeth and did his wash. Then he decided he didn't want me because I said it was bed time. So after 30 minutes of him screaming for daddy, dh took over. At which point he starts screaming for me!! Aargh! On the plus side, dot baby is sleeping through it. She's been a busy bee pinching the soft magnets from my mums fridge today every time they were put back and our backs were turned. Cheeky monkey!

Glad you got to see apollo's little face today mama. It's horrid right now but it will all be worth it in the end.

I have chocolate at home... in Frankfurt. My dad is gunna start sending some over! Right now, I'm making do with German Choc which isn't so bad but thank you!

Some more positive news; we're starting to reastablish bf tomorrow morning! :)

Hope bigger settles down okay for you. Dot sounds like a little trooper! :)

Hi,
just thought I would pop in and say hi. 19 wks with id twins and haven't got a clue what im doing :) Hope your all well.

Welcome to you, did you bring cake? :)
Seriously congratulations, it is exciting! Do you have other children? Please come in, take a seat, heres a I am sure some of the others will be along soon :)

Girls......................I am desolate az zee French say................my new range is kaput..................ignition not working.............phoned Rangemaster only to be told an engineer will ring us in 48 hours! Gone off it now!! Oh mon dieu............

Sorry I ate the cake while typing, chocolate cake was very nice. I'll try harder next time. I have 3 others, dd 9 dd 5 and ds 3, still have the odd (daily) moment of panic and have loads of random questions that keep popping into my head at stupid times of the night :)

Welcome, slightlyinsane. Your username is pretty accurate discription of us multiple mums! I have ID (MCMA) twins myself. Two gorgeous 16 month old boys :) How are you finding the PG?

Oh, that sucks, Trips! Don't you just hate customer service? I don't know why an engineer needs 2 days before contacting you! I hope you sort it out and enjoy your range!

Morning all...........wide awake before 6am............grrrr, lovely thick frost out there...........kettle on, who want a ?

I'll have a ! Was up at 5am with Artie, she managed to sleep 4 hours straight last night. Never been so thankful. The tea they gave me for sleeping was vile I was too polite to spit it out, it worked though...

Waiting on Doctors' round and then Apollo will have his first oral feed since the op! V. Excited :)

Hope you have a beautiful day, ladies!

Morning ladies.

Hello slightly insane. I've got a 5yo, 3yo and then 21month old b/g twins. Welcome to the madhouse :)

Hoping all goes well with Apollo and his feed today Mama.

Big two are at school today so it's twinny fun day here. How many times do you think i'll be putting the DVDs back on the shelf?