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Multicultural families

Here's where to share your experience of raising a child or growing up in a multicultural family.

Original poster

Anyone with Algerian husband?

294 replies

doublemuvver · 05/03/2011 12:17

Curious to know of others married to Algerians and what, if any, cultural differences/issues you have experienced. We've been married 6 years and have 2 kids (twins). Life is a bit of a rollercoaster sometimes.

OP posts:
Mamoca · 28/02/2019 13:37

Yes, I know they tend to have only one wife.
I trust that he would not do that, I am only preparing, taking into account the chance, as 5 years now It is a topic keep coming up to moving back.
I don't know how do you coop, but I would be depressed there. Last year summer we have been there a whole month. Hubby kept going out and we stayed home, just went out a few times. Plus the heat. Anyway,
this chatroom is very useful, I learned a lot.

Ziggzagg · 01/03/2019 17:09

Yes DH went out a lot in the first week but I drew the line then and made him take us out to Annaba and Guelma! Then ended up with food poisoning and on a drip in hospital 🙈

Overall an eventful holiday but DHs family are gorgeous, such lovely, generous people and the food.....Grin

DS loved it and was spoilt rotten the whole trip! Looking forward to Eid now when we go back (although I'm only going for a week)

DH did ask could I live there, the look on my face must have been a picture 🤣

BeeMyBaby · 01/03/2019 18:17

@Mamoca it would be okay if you had an secure income and your own home. We are planning to return to the uk every summer as I can't stand the extreme heat either. My husband goes out for work but doesn't go see his friends as I would flip out, I never went out when I was in the uk unless it was for work or I took the children with me and I expect the same from him. Does you have a home there/ money or land so you could get your own home?

@Ziggzagg did you have to go to a public hospital for your food poisoning? Eww, I feel very sorry for you! Did you see any of the protests last Friday? Annaba us very expensive! My DH tried to stay at a hotel there a few weeks ago and apparently it was £40 per night for a bit great hotel (similar ones near us or Tiaret/ Oran are about £10 a night).

Mamoca · 01/03/2019 18:30

No, no home, as far as I know not enough saving for that.
Another thing: My hubby goes out here in the Uk a lot as well, for meeting friends, cousins, anything...I couldn't see my friends years because they live 1-2 hour away and I couldn't go because the kids are small. Let alone let me go alone, no way!! He did the same back home. He promised the kids we will go to the seaside, (been one week in Jijel and the 3 weeks in Algiers) we only went to seaside twice. Always just excuses. And he just says: I am going out, and gone, never says where he goes...

Ziggzagg · 01/03/2019 22:55

Yes @BeeMyBaby! Luckily DHs brother works at the hospital so got VIP treatment Wink

I got lots of TLC and attention from the family, so all good!

We only went to Annaba for the day and had dinner there but yes it was quite expensive!

Ziggzagg · 01/03/2019 22:57

@Mamoca your DH sounds like an arse!! Sorry to hear what he is like with you! What would happen if you confronted him?

Mamoca · 01/03/2019 23:09

@Ziggzagg yes he is! He would tell me where he been, I ask him usually when he comes home. Just strange he did not tell me up front. There was a time when he tried to act tough and made faces when I asked him like he is superior and doesn't own me explanation. He usually sits hours in cafe shops, which I still don't understand...wasting so much time. Or go help out a friend, take them to the airport and such, anything just not to be home.
Also no help for me with kids just watching TV while I clearly visibly kill myself doing 3 things at the time. Maybe lately I got a bit of help sometimes, but I wonder that isn't it because the small one, 2 y/o is a boy? So he doesn't mind spending time with him? I feel like I will never figure this out.

Ziggzagg · 02/03/2019 08:20

I think maybe that is a bit of a cultural thing. DH can be a bit like that- going for a coffee with a friend, the gym, helping someone. Actually I don't mind when he goes out but I'm quite vocal about he has to spend time at home. Although he does care for DS during the day while I'm at work. In terms of watching you struggle while watching TV do you ask for help? DH always says "I'm not psychic "! Grin But I reckon that's just a a man thing🤣

Mamoca · 02/03/2019 09:04

I don't like to ask for help, once he helps the second time he starts shouting because he is tired and I am giving him an order. When we had just one kid he was with her when I was working, but he said now no way he will stay home with 2 kids now, he rather working more than before and I stay home with the kids. Since is like this he feels like he does enough at work and kids are completely mine, cope with how I can.

fath · 28/04/2019 22:42

we are probably same situation.. im from Philippines and married with algerian for 13yrs with 2kids

Yamina · 17/06/2019 12:11

Does anybody know exactly how property inheritance works in Algeria? Can they make a will like us in the U K? I am.married to an Algerian who has property in his and his Mothers name. I am English. Thanks everybody x

BeeMyBaby · 28/06/2019 14:47

@Yamina if the property is in Algeria and you are not of Algerian nationality then you cannot inherit it, his mother or siblings would get it (or your children if they hold Algerian nationality). Non Algerians aren't allowed to own property in Algeria afaik. Also you need to be Muslim and have an Algerian certificate of Shahada if you are a revert, if your DH is Muslim. And even if it was money not property it's almost impossible to get money outside of Algeria legally. Sorry my reply is pretty bleak but their rules are really strict. However with the current governmental unrest going on this could all be different in a few years.

Saslily · 14/08/2019 13:05

Hi,
I’ve been married to an Algerian now for almost 10 years and we have an 8 year old son. As a couple I feel we are starting to struggle. If something doesn’t go my husband’s way he gives me and our son the silent treatment. He is currently abroad and we haven’t spoken now for almost 6 weeks. I’ve tried to make contact but he won’t respond. I’m really struggling to put up with this kind of behaviour and would really appreciate some advice? Thank you 😊

BeeMyBaby · 16/08/2019 18:54

Hi, I saw your post on Facebook as well. As others advised check that he is well first and then contact his family to check on him. I think it's very unusual in any marriage for someone not even to text back. When dh and I are apart I don't phone but we do send at least a text every couple of days, no matter how busy we are.

Rahma051118 · 21/10/2019 16:01

Also married with an Alg husband since 6 years and with one daughter aged 1, it is a struggle with him sometimes and I do get the often cold treatment and he is sometimes very short tempered. I am a Muslim convert but his way of practising Islam is more strict than me. He tells me I don't wear properly the hijab lol he doesn't even know how it is wearing it. Is this smth common to Alg men to be short tempered ? I come from Romania and I grew up very differently from him.I have a strong and open honest relationship with my family but in his family everyone is hiding behind a curtain and avoids talking about their issues,especially in front of me. The most odd thing is that I can't even have a proper relationship with my MIL, father in law.All has to go to my husband first and only if he allows it I can speak about it in front of the in-laws, sorry but this is soo weird for me...I am sometimes tired of their double-standards in Algeria, men are allowed to do more than women there it seems they have more freedom. Thank God I am not living there in Alg as I would be stepped over as a woman there.Men don't even notice a woman there, they turn their backs at u and their ass ?! Sorry but this is not respect as in the West women are allowed to go first before men and men are courteous to the ladies,regardless if they wear hijab or not.

whataboutbob · 05/11/2019 19:18

Buna seara @Rahma051118. I sometimes read this board. I am not married to an Algerian but I grew up in Algeria and so I have some understanding. Admittedly it was in the 70s and 80s but from what you say it doesn’t sound like the culture has changed that much . It is all weighted in favour of the men. The law ( men can have 4 wives, inherit more than their sisters etc ) the culture ( the streets are not particularly safe for women who are not accompanied, women do not go to cafes on their own or they are seen as “available”, there has been a lot of violence against women in the workplace in some areas of the country, I could go on). Maybe the most difficult area for mixed marriages is that if there is a divorce it is assumed that the man keeps the children ( this is based on sharia law). When we were in Algeria, my parents met the French consul socially and he told them the bulk of his work was dealing with unfortunate French women whose marriages to Algerian man had broken down, resulting in them abducting the kids. There was little he could do in most cases. There are very very few marriages between Algerian women and western men, because on the whole the culture does not tolerate this, although in the case of French born Algerians that might be changing a bit
It is very difficult under Algerian law to get access to the kids if you are a foreign wife and your marriage has broken down. I would advise NEVER to allow your husband to take the kids to Algeria without you, especially if your relationship is going through a difficult patch. When we were there women were not allowed to remove their children from the country without the husband being there, unless there was a legally validated document from husband wife could show to the border control. For all I know that still applies.
In summary, the family dynamics you describe don’t surprise me. “Face” , “ honour” are very important to Algerian men and families and your husband will want to project to his parents that he is the one who is in control in the relationship. Be very careful if you have kids ( you don’t mention this). I hope things work out but please don’t put yourself in vulnerable situations.

natluka · 02/01/2020 10:02

My life is destroyed after I meet in London Algerian national who was looking for European wife. We married, but he refused to have kids with me, lived 5 years separate life, claiming that hes religious beliefs not allowed to take me with him..and a lot of different abuse involved.. Now he is receive residence permit as a family member and seeking to divorce me as have someone in Algeria and want to bring here...

StripyTShirt · 02/01/2020 10:49

You probably should have divorced earlier. No way I would be living separately for 5 years with anyone, regardless of nationality.

natluka · 02/01/2020 13:51

Yes, but he was forcing with different methods to stay (his visa). Now, suddenly need divorce, said he is have other woman, it is shame to be married to the european etc.

Rahma051118 · 02/01/2020 15:18

@natluka soo sad to read this, it is never a shame to be married to anyone, European or not. I can't believe this man has been so ignorant to you and you had to leave separately... but keep strong, don't let this put you down.

StripyTShirt · 02/01/2020 15:57

Does he have leave to remain as your spouse? Or does he have indefinite leave to remain? I'm not sure he can remain in the UK and bring another wife over here on a Family Member permit. So maybe karma will get him Wink

natluka · 02/01/2020 16:24

he is receive his visa after 5 years being married.. now very aggressively seeking divorce because want to start family with algerian woman

natluka · 03/01/2020 03:45

Yet, it is exactly what happen to me. no kids, no family, he is needed only papers

StripyTShirt · 03/01/2020 08:34

Yes but what type of Visa? It would depend on the type. If he is dependent on you as an EU citizen to stay in the UK, he can't just divorce you and bring someone else over. The Home Office won't have it. It will be very difficult for him.

Just move on with your life, find someone who will treat you properly and wants to have a family with you.

natluka · 03/01/2020 09:58

He is consulting about everything here with solicitors, friends and advisors.. so even he is not showing me his visa (only asked to sign application and payslips) I am sure that he is confident in the UK now and planning to apply for citizenship and marry another woman from Algeria.
I remember, he reveals that most of the Algerians do not have kids with European women.