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Original poster

Pressing charges for rape

554 replies

JustThinking · 22/05/2005 22:36

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Original poster

JustThinking · 24/05/2005 00:28

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suzywong · 24/05/2005 02:32

Well done you. You've done the right thing. Don't know you so don't know if you know me but I may just offer a cyber hug on this occasion
{}
there

M22 · 24/05/2005 08:15

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iamyourfriend · 24/05/2005 08:33

jt spent the night at mine with her kids, but has left now to get them to school.

In answer to the question re clothes, yes I persuaded her to take them along to a&e yesterday, so the police have them now.

I have to say i thought the police were wonderful, and jt although obviously scared and in pain, was so brave. An inspiration imo.

LGJ · 24/05/2005 09:06

Well done JT

And "iamyourfriend" she is very lucky to have you.

Hope you both feel better today, yesterday must have been draining for both of you.

Original poster

JustThinking · 24/05/2005 09:36

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hellomama · 24/05/2005 09:40

God, what a horrible day you had yesterday JT. I'm so glad you did it though. I cannot even imagine what an ordeal you must have gone through. Its lucky you felt able to confide in a good friend when you needed one most. Though this must have been hard for you too 'iamyourfriend'. I hope you are ok. Thinking of you both, but especially you JT. Have replied to your CAT.

fairyf · 24/05/2005 09:41

I dont post very often anymore but i just wanted to say briefly i think you are incredibly brave and i feel for what you went through yesterday. I can't do much but if you wanted to know the process i went through after telling the police and what happened you can cat me. I understand if your not interested but i found second guessing what was going to happen next very frightening. Take care and be proud of yourself for standing up to him x

Flossam · 24/05/2005 09:50

JT, I have Cat'd you. x

Original poster

JustThinking · 24/05/2005 11:27

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franke · 24/05/2005 11:33

JT - in response to your earlier post, you could not possibly have done or said anything which would have invited him to do what he did; this was done to you, you are not culpable - please keep telling yourself that.

Good luck - your courage and dignity in all this are inspiring to read. xx

Original poster

JustThinking · 24/05/2005 12:04

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Toothache · 24/05/2005 12:10

Justthinking - you are very brave and inspirational! Well done and stay strong. This is a horrible thing to have happened.

I left it too late and now just hope I never see the man again. It was 9 years ago, I knew him and I still gasp if I see someone that looks like him.
It was an attempted assault. I managed to escape just in time and locked myself in the bathroom all night, until he left the next morning to go to work. But He had locked me in the house and hid my mobile.

When he came home he didn't mention it. Just gave me a lift home like nothing had happened. Bastard.

Good luck with it all. You have a good strong case.

sparkly · 24/05/2005 12:16

I was offered counselling but probably didn't start anything until a couple of months after the incident. I think various issues come up over time. I was married at the time so had issues with my then dh's reaction and then there was the waiting for the tests for std's to come back etc. Counselling was the best thing ever for me and I think you should do it when you're ready for it, not a prescribed time.

Fio2 · 24/05/2005 12:19

a similar thing happened to one of our male friends when he was on holiday abroad. He woke up and knew a couple of men had been haviung sex with him whilst he had been drunk but felt so guilty he never pressed charges. he was covered in blood from his behind and was injured like you say. You have nothing to feel guilty about, what this person did was brutal. You must have been in such shock afterwards, you poor thing. Stay strong, i think you are very brave x

Fio2 · 24/05/2005 12:19

I think counselling would be a brilliant idea

fairyf · 24/05/2005 12:28

I got victim support coming round, it is not really counselling i don't think, anyway i wasn't happy with it and went to my gp, told him what had happened and the rushed me through to a pychotherapist. Remeber aswell you have not fucked this mans life up, he has.

lemonice · 24/05/2005 12:59

JT was thinking of you yesterday, I'm glad you have had support in RL and on here.

I never told anyone for 25 years but eventually it came out when I was in hospital and although I have still never told anyone outside that psychiatric situation it helped to speak at last and I should have done so years before.

At some point when you are ready you may find counselling helpful.

You will need to dig deep in the coming weeks for the strength to recover but I'm sure you will find it within yourself. xxx

Original poster

JustThinking · 24/05/2005 13:38

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Toothache · 24/05/2005 13:39

JT -

Original poster

JustThinking · 24/05/2005 13:42

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Toothache · 24/05/2005 13:46

I didn't handle it very well. I drank lots, which nobody thought was strange as I was a student. It numbed me and stopped me thinking about it.
I told my best friends, but my family don't know and NEVER will. I felt so stupid. Still do to an extent. But it does get better. I think about it less and less now.
I feel a bit of a fraud as he didn't manage to actually rape me.

Counselling will help, it really will. I hope you heal quickly. Once the physical wounds heal you can concentrate on the emotional ones better.

koalabear · 24/05/2005 13:47

JT - counseller described it to me as "having a monster on your shoulder" - ignore it, and put it in the cupboard, and every now and then through out your life, it jumps out and scares you and messes things about

however, deal with it now through rape counselling (well, not now now, but when you are ready), and you will learn skills for dealing with it

strength is just an accumulation of small steps - take each minute/hour at a time, and then you will find you take each day at a time, then each week, and each month - its a journey, but one that has light at the end of it, even if you can not see it now

huggybear · 24/05/2005 13:50

i felt very guilty for a long time, still do sometimes but it was more guilt for his wife and kids. I told nobody except dh and no-one even knew that it went to court.

i found that conselling helped alot but was offered none at the time, i only had it about 2 years ago when i realised that all my 'problems' were connected to him. i couldnt go to bed with out checking all the doors and windows and cubboards and even under the bed. i think it was because he had hidden in my house.

even now in shops, my heart misses a beat if i think i see him. but the thing that helped me the most was facing him in court and showing him that i wasnt his victim. to see him there behind a glass screen illistrated to me that he was in the wrong and gave me back the sence of power which until then he had taken from me.

im sorry im rambling, havent thought about this for a long time. it happened on my 18th birthday so 4 years ago now...

dinosaur · 24/05/2005 13:51

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This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

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