Partner says my Child Benefit should go towards his bills as well

[PrimeCrush]

Been arguing about this since yesterday and wondering if im being unreasonable.

Me and my partner have been together 3 years and living together about 18 months. I have a ds who is 7 from a previous relationship, he lives with us full time and sees his dad alternate Saturdays. My partner has no children of his own.

We have a joint account for rent, bills, food etc but dont put all our wages in there. He earns more than me so he puts in £1000 a month and I put in £650. We agreed this when we moved in and its been fine up until now. We both keep the rest of our money in our own accounts.

I get child benefit for ds and it goes into my account. I use it for his school stuff, clothes, shoes, trips and all the little things that seem to come up constantly when you have a child. His dad pays £180 maintenance a month which helps but it doesnt cover everything and he buys him presents separately as well. Ive never really thought about putting the child benefit into our joint account because its for ds.

Anyway our joint account was a bit lower than usual this month because a few bills came out close together and my partner said I should start paying my child benefit into it. His argument is that ds lives here and uses the heating, eats the food etc so its not fair that I keep that money to myself when we’re supposed to be a family.

I said I already pay £650 a month towards the bills and food and he earns more than me so thats why we agreed on different amounts in the first place. He said thats not the point and if we had a child together the benefit would go into the joint account so he doesnt see why it should be different just because ds isnt biologically his.

I do get what he means to a point. Obviously ds uses things in the house and my partner does buy food he eats and things like that. Im not saying he should have to pay for everything for my child. But I also dont think the answer is that money I get to help bring up ds should automatically be used to cover bills when we already have an arrangement.

He reckons Im keeping it separate because I dont see us as a proper family. Thats not how I see it at all, but now Im wondering if Im being unfair.

Should child benefit go into a joint account when you’re living with someone who isnt the child’s parent?

tho where I live (se) a 3 bed can be £1800 +

You must live in a posh area. Here about £800 per month.

Well obviously depends if rent is private or not. We don't qualify for SH but can't afford to buy (despite both working). Our 3-bed rent and CT is around £1700 pm.

Cheap. This made me laugh. What people know about others arrangements

A mortgage in the North can be 300 to 500 pounds. Do yourself a favour and buy now, until people still buy

@YouareJustApreciousLittleGem
We don't live in the North?

Do you live on less than 650 a month?

You would think, having it pointed out to you that you were assuming wrongly you would read the OPs posts to get the facts before coming back with another load of nonsense. This been clarified by the OP already. Hint, 1st line of her 3rd post.

He can't be expected to know how much it costs to keep a child.
Keep a record of money spent on parties, school etc then he can't feel he's being taken advantage of.
Kids are more expensive than we all thought until we had them

South east

She has given these.

Lots of good points already about it being for DS. One small extra: if there's any of it left most months, putting even £10-20 into a JISA or savings account in his name makes it really clear what the money is for. That's useful in conversations like this one. And when he's a bit older, he can see it build up, which is a nice first lesson in saving.

I get child benefit into my account (one child with my partner and my son from a previous) and that goes on what is needed. So if we need a top up shop it goes on that. Also if there is a school trip it would go towards that. They both need new wellies before winter sets in so some will be going towards that as well. But I wouldn't put it in a joint account as if you didn't have a child you wouldn't get the child benefit.

I don’t have the definitive answer to your question, and I don’t think anyone does, really.

But, even assuming that your ex is only earning minimum wage, he should be paying you at least £40 a month more than he is.

Personally, I would be pursuing him for that. Someone who only bother to see his child twice a month is not someone I’d be bothered about upsetting.

I probably would also put the CB in the joint account to be honest, because your son does need fed, heated and washed. But only if you are 100% certain that you feel everything else in your relationship is good and fair.

I get why it feels off that he’s moved the goalposts, particularly using the line about being a proper family. Maybe in your shoes I’d feel more strongly about that.

Good luck.

You are ok paying 38 percent of your income for 2 of you and him 47 percent . You are massively taking the piss.