Partner says my Child Benefit should go towards his bills as well

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Been arguing about this since yesterday and wondering if im being unreasonable.

Me and my partner have been together 3 years and living together about 18 months. I have a ds who is 7 from a previous relationship, he lives with us full time and sees his dad alternate Saturdays. My partner has no children of his own.

We have a joint account for rent, bills, food etc but dont put all our wages in there. He earns more than me so he puts in £1000 a month and I put in £650. We agreed this when we moved in and its been fine up until now. We both keep the rest of our money in our own accounts.

I get child benefit for ds and it goes into my account. I use it for his school stuff, clothes, shoes, trips and all the little things that seem to come up constantly when you have a child. His dad pays £180 maintenance a month which helps but it doesnt cover everything and he buys him presents separately as well. Ive never really thought about putting the child benefit into our joint account because its for ds.

Anyway our joint account was a bit lower than usual this month because a few bills came out close together and my partner said I should start paying my child benefit into it. His argument is that ds lives here and uses the heating, eats the food etc so its not fair that I keep that money to myself when we’re supposed to be a family.

I said I already pay £650 a month towards the bills and food and he earns more than me so thats why we agreed on different amounts in the first place. He said thats not the point and if we had a child together the benefit would go into the joint account so he doesnt see why it should be different just because ds isnt biologically his.

I do get what he means to a point. Obviously ds uses things in the house and my partner does buy food he eats and things like that. Im not saying he should have to pay for everything for my child. But I also dont think the answer is that money I get to help bring up ds should automatically be used to cover bills when we already have an arrangement.

He reckons Im keeping it separate because I dont see us as a proper family. Thats not how I see it at all, but now Im wondering if Im being unfair.

Should child benefit go into a joint account when you’re living with someone who isnt the child’s parent?

This is overly simplistic. It reminds me of men who complain their exes are using CMS for getting their hair done. When actually what it is, is that their exes are putting all the money in one account and using some of the total balance - consisting of wages, benefits, and CMS - for hair or nails or whatever which is perfectly acceptable as long as their child isn’t going without.

Surely you don’t need to earmark all the money, and it’s just about getting your child’s needs (and some of their wants) satisfied rather than keeping score about what pot everything is from?

And btw her son’s expenses include paying bills to keep the light on and for a roof over his head and food etc. She works less due to childcare which her ex doesn’t have to do, so his maintenance should be partly compensating her for that.

She can spend ALL her income any way she likes as long as her child is being looked after well.

OPs partner made the mistake of mentioning child benefit. Thats a red herring. What he should have said is that he believes he’s paying too much and she’s paying too little, and they should have reviwed the payment split.

Where she chooses to get that additional money is up to her. But personally I think the father of the child would be a good start.

The child doesn’t - the benefit and maintenance does not belong to the child.

OP's ExH need to pay half of his the child's expenses whatever that is. If itemizing is too cumbersome them the monthly payment needs to be increased.
The child benefit is the son's and for his expenses.
OP could pay a bit extra for food, but to get nitpicky about utilities etc is excessive. The child isn't a roommate and absolute fairness in bill splitting is excessive. OP's partner knew he was moving in with a singe mum. If he is as keen on playing family as he acts, then he should stop being petty.

OP, I don't think this guy is the one.

CB: £27 x 52 / 12 = £117 pcm

• £180 pcm = £297 (let's call it £300 for ease).

£1,450 + £300 = £1,750

£2,200 - £1,750 = £450

You're currently contributing £100 more pcm even on total income.

Basically, your ex is giving you £6 per day for your shared kid. For context, that's 30 minutes work at minimum wage.

She is already paying towards that, 650 a month.

Her son's money is used for "his school stuff, clothes, shoes, trips and all the little things that seem to come up constantly when you have a child"

Her boyfriend can keep his paws off.

As I see it bills account should be on a percentage terms. The child maintenance can go in to that account if the child's bills are coming out of it. He can't have it both ways.

It would be entirely fair to reassess the amount going into the joint account if it's not covering bills but I wouldn't be putting the child benefit into it.
Child benefit and the paltry amount you're getting in Child Maintenance from your ex are nowhere near enough to cover the expenses of a child. It's tough enough sometimes in a household where there are two adults paying and some months will naturally be more expensive than others (e.g. when school uniform needs replacing).

If any of the child benefit or maintenence is left over, it needs to be put away for a month when you have to spend more on your child or even to save for if they want to go to uni etc, it will all be so expensive.

Like others have said, I am not sure this is actually about the child benefit, more him raising an issue with the amount of money you're putting into the joint point but he's probably grasping for CB as it's a tangible amount.

I’m married to the father of my children and the child benefit still doesn’t go into the joint account.
Its kept in a separate account and used specifically for their trips, clothing etc

I would put some of the maintenance you get from your child’s father in towards living expenses but keep the child benefit seperate.
Its it’s got nothing to do with not being a family, he’s using that phrase to guilt trip you into doing what he wants…

Agree let him put all his money in the pot if that’s the case. He’s been a dick IMO.

Your rent and bills seem extremely low

Not reasonable, and a red flag to me in terms of his attitude to your son

How is he taking the piss exactly? He’s effectively supporting a child that is not his, contributing substantially more than the child’s own father. Yet you and OP expect him to pay even more now that the bills have gone up and are happy to let the child’s father off the hook.

You sound guilty about pt working - is he hinting about that too? No parent should apologise for working pt to fit round a child’s needs.

£180 a month and only every other Saturday. My life that's pittance. Kids are so expensive and constantly growing.

Maybe a solution would be to ask him if he would prefer you pay the Child benefit into the joint account and then your son's expenses come out of that instead? He would need to be prepared for the fact sometimes that would mean there would be less in the joint account, and sometimes more.

I said I already pay £650 a month towards the bills and food and he earns more than me so thats why we agreed on different amounts in the first place.

Im on about £1450 a month after tax and he gets around £2200. So its not a massive difference but he does earn more than me. The £1000 and £650 was what we worked out we could both afford when we moved in

I think what has annoyed me is that we agreed how we would do things and now its being made out like Im not treating him as family because I havent changed it.

It sounds like you are digging your heels in because it is what you agreed when you moved in, which is very unfair, things change, costs go up! You are being stubborn and now so is he, a proper couple would just just tackle this as a joint problem, not try and wiggle out of the responsibility of it. I don't believe the child benefit should plug the gap, but I do think you should be paying more into the joint account as you are going over it every month now, and you are two people to his one person, why not offer to pay two thirds of the shortfall?

Instead of arguing over the principle of it, why not sit down and run through everything that is coming out of the joint account, and re-visit what you are both paying and if it is still fair to both of you.

This idea amuses me, but I think OP what you're doing is sensible. I've never actually had a joint account, but I do put CB into an instant access savings account, along with money set aside on DP's payday (I'm not working at the moment, and don't sign on, as dp's money and some savings mean I'd not be eligible for anything.\

dp is dreadful with money and I'm a little better. I am slowly training him but we have arguments about money. I take money off him to make sure all the bills get paid, mostly around pay day but Thames Water (grrrrrrr) still comes out mid month rather than late month.

It sounds like you ringfence your CB to make sure you're using it for your son's needs, not your own and DP's?. Do you do the same with maintenance?

Kids/teenagers can add a lot to bills but your £650 probably covers what you and DS use that's extra on what it would cost anyway, eg if he went back to living on his own it would cost less but not that much less.

Also, is the house rented or owned - by him or the two of you jointly? Because if you're helping with his mortgage or tenancy rent without being on the deeds/tenancy yourself, this could be really messy if you split up?

I would agree if they were fully sharing finances, but they are not. She pays for everything that is just for her son. If she puts the money in the pot and continues to pay out of personal money she will have nothing to spare, whilst he still has the same personal spending money as always.

As things like food and heating come out of joint I think the cms /cb should go into it but then everything your dc needs to come out of it

or you pay £200 extra and keep the cms and cb

cms and cb make up your income

I also think ex needs to pay much more. Cms would say 12% gross wage

so at 35hrs a week at nmw he would pay £226 a month as a minimum but sure ex earns more than nmw and over 35hrs a week so amount should be more

If you were on your own you wouldn’t think twice about spending CB or maintenance on bills and rent

No and it would turn me off him that he wants the little pennies child benefit pays out to go into a joint bill pot

he’ll be after the child maintenance next
then complaining you spoil your son and he shouldn’t get as much from you
what a loser

Seriously, you think he is the problem here and not the actual parents. They both seem happy to fund birthdays, Christmas, swimming lessons and new trainers. But neither wants to pay the full cost of housing, food and the basics. They have offloaded that onto this new partner.

The solutions to the OPs concern, that she doesn’t have enough money at the end of the month, is to try to increase her income or reduce her spending. The father should do the same. I appreciate that isn’t always possible and people do rely on partners and the state.

Yes I think that it’s a problem her boyfriend has demanded child benefit money (what is it, like 30 a week) to go into the utility bill pot

I really don’t understand why people reply without having read the OP’s basic facts !!
They are renting together…….