Partner says my Child Benefit should go towards his bills as well

[PrimeCrush]

Been arguing about this since yesterday and wondering if im being unreasonable.

Me and my partner have been together 3 years and living together about 18 months. I have a ds who is 7 from a previous relationship, he lives with us full time and sees his dad alternate Saturdays. My partner has no children of his own.

We have a joint account for rent, bills, food etc but dont put all our wages in there. He earns more than me so he puts in £1000 a month and I put in £650. We agreed this when we moved in and its been fine up until now. We both keep the rest of our money in our own accounts.

I get child benefit for ds and it goes into my account. I use it for his school stuff, clothes, shoes, trips and all the little things that seem to come up constantly when you have a child. His dad pays £180 maintenance a month which helps but it doesnt cover everything and he buys him presents separately as well. Ive never really thought about putting the child benefit into our joint account because its for ds.

Anyway our joint account was a bit lower than usual this month because a few bills came out close together and my partner said I should start paying my child benefit into it. His argument is that ds lives here and uses the heating, eats the food etc so its not fair that I keep that money to myself when we’re supposed to be a family.

I said I already pay £650 a month towards the bills and food and he earns more than me so thats why we agreed on different amounts in the first place. He said thats not the point and if we had a child together the benefit would go into the joint account so he doesnt see why it should be different just because ds isnt biologically his.

I do get what he means to a point. Obviously ds uses things in the house and my partner does buy food he eats and things like that. Im not saying he should have to pay for everything for my child. But I also dont think the answer is that money I get to help bring up ds should automatically be used to cover bills when we already have an arrangement.

He reckons Im keeping it separate because I dont see us as a proper family. Thats not how I see it at all, but now Im wondering if Im being unfair.

Should child benefit go into a joint account when you’re living with someone who isnt the child’s parent?

If you’re on £1450 and he’s on £2200 wages
plus your £300 from maintenance plus CB so really £1750. By the time he pays the extra in you’re both equal. Whether that is right given the child is yours is only for him and you to decide.

this is why the CB is paid to the mother 🚩

He’s paying the majority of the household bills, according to how they have split contributions based on proportion
of income.

She’s contributing less than she would have to running her own household.

No he is not.
OP would get UC if living alone

How is he not? He’s paying the majority of the bills for a house bigger than what he needs because she has a child. Meanwhile, she’s working part time.

He is paying slightly more than OP. He gets OP doing most of the cooking, cleaning and laundry, and he has far more money for personal spending than if he lived alone.
They both chose to rent a bigger house than they need as they want theed the space. If partner was on his own he would have to rent a small place.

35% more is not ‘slightly more’. If he wasn’t generous he could have refused to split proportionally, but instead only covered his own costs. Then he’d be in an even better financial position.

They wouldn’t need a three bedroom house if it was just the two of them, because a two bedroom would provide the space he wanted. As a single man he may be quite content with one bedroom.

You haven't read the thread have you? OP said they chose a three bedroom because they both wanted more space, they only need a two bedroom.

“They wouldn’t need a three bedroom house if it was just the two of them, because a two bedroom would provide the space he wanted.”

Without a child they would have a spare room with a two bedroom. It’s because of the child that in order to have a spare room, they need a three bedroom.

I don’t think it’s my reading comprehension that you need to concern yourself with.

@InterIgnis how do you know? They might have wanted the bigger downstairs space you get with a three bedroom place. Two bedrooms tend to be pretty small places.

But you don't know either!

I am working on what OP said rather than guessing. She said they both agreed they wanted the space in a bigger house.

No. You said " might" . You don't " know".

Lol. In attempting to portray OP as the one getting the shit deal here, you are really stretching beyond the realm of all credulity.

No the CB is for your sons expenses which you should pay. It isn’t joint income. Neither is CM. I would resist.

He's wrong. Rethink your relationship carefully.

To me I would be putting in child benefit, your child is benefiting from living there and you have a rather good one on only £650 a month especially since bills are always going up and up. So I would never have been moving such a small amount for two a month. You couldn't live alone on that

I kind of see his point when he is paying a more than you but you are also getting additional income as child maintenance and child benefit, admittedly, yes this is for your child’s expenses, but could half of that not go towards the bills at least? I don’t think just because he earns more he should be expected to pay more.

No. That money is not for him. It's for her child. He gets none of it.

But it could go towards the child’s food or towards the roof over his head.

It’s interesting how the comments on this thread are calling the man a cocklodger:

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5588295-aibu-to-think-this-household-bill-split-isnt-fair-can-someone-suggest-a-better-way?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=app_share

Remind the child's father that your DC is growing, eating more and needing bigger clothes etc. Ask him to consider increasing his contribution, say by by 5% each year.

Keep the allowances separate for DC.

Is it fair that you put in less from your wage each month than your parrtner when you are covering two people?

Perhaps you (or both of you) need to pay more into the joint account, if it's short some months. Do you know how much each of you have left every month in your personal accounts? Are you both building pensions and savings?

No, that money is for your child's needs. The child has needs separate from the main household expenses. The money's supposed to go toward those needs (,or saved to give him a nest egg at 18+ if you can afford it)

I'm guessing that if you put the money into the joint account, you'd still end up spending money from your account on the child, and the child's money would go toward your (so-called) partner's and your expenses. I suspect the "partner" would refuse to pay one penny toward the child's needs from his own personal.account.

He's a greedy thief.

The child should not have to pay his way.