DH refuses to have single joint account - will this cause practical/legal issues in the event of spousal death?

[bookshelfwormy]

I thought I would come here for practical opinions/advice because most of our close friends earn equal amounts as their partners, whether lower or higher than our tax brackets, so their situation differs from ours.

For background, DH earns significantly more than me and we have separate accounts. About 70% more than me. This means he has significantly more savings than me and also is naturally more generous. So pays for most things. I transfer him an amount to his bank account every month to help with mortgage and nursery fees, as these + bills + holidays, all of which DH pays for, really end up eating his salary away. So ironically, I end up saving as much as him as I only pay for food shop and kid stuff. He has more savings as, pre-kids, he managed to save more than me. He also pays for big expenses, like my car, my phone etc... Anyway - no issues there, is my point. Up to this point, we have always had separate accounts because it's worked out fine since he is very generous. HOWEVER, it just dawned on me - mind you, I am very anxtiety-prone - that if he dies, I will be in a legal pickle because we only have sole accounts. Am I correct in this?? So I'd have to go through court to get access to what is technically OUR money???

I expressed this concern to him and suggested we both keep everything as is but add our names to all our existing accounts. He said no to this because he doesn't want to get my approval if he needs to make adjustments to his main account. I couldn't help but feel this was somewhat of an excuse? How often does he have to make changes to his account? He did then said he is willing to create a joint account where he has most of his savings, so I suppose that redeems it all? But I'd still need to go through court for his other accounts?

I just suddenly feel financially insecure despite being married but not sure if I am just ignorant???😂We have x2 DCs and the last thing I'd want to go through is court red tape if I end up alone with them - sorry for being bluntly practical here!!

Appreciate if you could enlighten on me - tell me, should I get a grip and chill?Or am I right to panic a little?

I'm clueless when it comes to financial stuff! Thank you xx

The key part is you are able to do more pick ups because you have sacrificed your earning power.

When you said joint account where he has the savings, I thought you meant joint account for the savings. What he proposes makes no difference to you. He wouldn't need you to confirm anything he did on the account, but neither would you need him to confirm...

It is important that you should be each others executors in the first instance. If you, yourself, want to appoint a solicitor etc later then you also have the ability to remove the same if they are not acting fast enough etc.

I used to regularly come across eg widows who were still waiting for monies months or even years after their husband's death. ( Appoint another executor btw, for if you are unable to act - prior death or illness etc )

No, we're just in job roles that pay differently and have different earning potentials. I'm very highly paid, I'd be hard pushed to be paid more in my field, regardless of how many hours I worked or if I moved organisation, I'm close to the top of my career ladder and have no interest to move to the next level up (the top) because I would lose the aspects of the job I love and do more of what I don't like. I just work in a very flexible company. He's paid more because he does a role that is paid more. He's the same level of seniority as me.

I meant if I was ill in hospital/n a coma like the other poster mentioned

Anything held in a joint account immediately becomes the property of the surviving person after a death. The account continues to run, direct debits paid etc. It does not need probate and is not included in the estate for inheritance tax. It's a really efficient system for a surviving spouse in the event of a death.

Monies held in single accounts are frozen after a death. You are likely to need probate to access them even in the event of a will showing you as beneficiary. This can take weeks and incur costs.
In a large estate they may also attract inheritance tax.

What sort of life assurance do you have? eg a lump sum or a regular income?
Life assurance should be written in trust so that it will be paid out virtually immediately to the beneficiaries. Otherwise ( see my other post) you could be waiting months or years for it if it takes a long time to settle the estate. Also, very importantly, it would not be counted as part of your estate so not potentially be subject to Inheritance tax.

It doesn't matter if you haven't already written it in trust you can do that now by asking the insurance company for eg a flexible trust form on which you would specify who would benefit eg in the first instance you ( or if you had passed the children, or if they had passed their children or other family members ). You would also need to register the trust with the company so they would know to pay it out when you notified them of the death. I think you should keep it thereafter. Often insurance companies have a trust department who could help you complete the forms.

thanks for this. It is actually in trust

My DH died recently. All of his bank accounts closed automatically when informed of his death. Most transferred the balance to me when I submitted our marriage certificate. Others wanted proof of confirmation (probate). It's relatively easy to deal with but not immediate though.
The more concerning issue is making sure that you are aware of and can cover any bills going forward. It can take months for pensions/ insurance (if you have any) to pay out and your bills don't stop or reduce.
In this horrific world I have been thrust into I have heard so many stories about widows/widowers being unable to cover everyday bills on one salary or being faced with trying to pay off large loans.

I don't have joint account and nor do I want one... Once bitten twice shy, had one with an ex.. Never again, what's mine is mine while alive anyway lol

What changes does he need to make ? We have joint accounts and don't need to change anything or get each others approval ?

I frequently change my bank account to get better savings rates, switching bonuses etc. DH can't be bothered with all that faff and doing it on a joint account is extra hassle.

So we have agreed to open a new joint account with some savings to see me through some months if something happens, until insurance is paid and I get probate etc. Bills will also be redirected to go out from this account. I feel I am catastrophising everything and it is that time of the month 😂 but equally I do think it’s important to have these talks since I have 2 dependents. These things wouldn’t cross DH’s mind because he’s a high earner and if something were to happen to me, he would be fine financially. But I do feel like a crazy woman bringing these things up with all the what-ifs!!

As someone whose 59 year old strong fit and healthy husband went to sleep on 24 January and simply didn't wake up again (at some time during the night his heart stopped for no reason that has been found) I can categorically tell you that you are not catastrophising.
Things happen. You are taking relatively painless steps to secure peace of mind. Honestly some of the horrible stories I have heard this year would break your heart. You do this, forget about it and hopefully you will never need it.

As @Roseshavethorns said, you are not catastrophising!
You’re actually being entirely sensible and protecting your family. Don’t feel daft, feel proud you’ve sorted this important thing.

I always think during “the time of the month” things come out that we’ve been worried about but we don’t want to make a fuss so push it away. During my Premenstrual week, DH knew there was no sugar coating, he got the truth, whole truth and nothing but the truth 😂. And he learned to listen and then together we’d resolved the issue.

Great update!

Sounds like a fast, practical solution.

And I agree with Lizzie, that "the time of month" sometimes helps to prioritize things which are bugging us, even if it means harder discussion.

It is sad that women feel bad about wanting to solve a clear gap in their home setup.

I hadn’t really considered this before but most of our long term savings are in ISAs or pensions and these obviously are individual accounts and not joint. We do have some joint pots of money in savings where we both put away money for holidays or for house renovations, but they’re not large sums of money. I guess I would access my own savings in this scenario until I got access to his.

What we do need to do is sit down and make sure that we both know exactly what accounts the other has and where they are. DH moves things around sometimes to get better rates, and I don’t actually know where it all is!

I would recommend an annual catch-up where you both sit down and go through all financials - bills, savings, investments, any debts (both individual and joint), insurances, wills etc
It's helpful for you both to have a clear view of your situation should something unfortunate happen to either of you.

DH does the same. Moves stuff around to our own benefit. I would happily dip into my savings too but we bought a house recently with a big mortgage so my savings took a hit! And on top of that, I was on mat leave again shortly after so I just want a safety net until I at least catch up a bit on savings. Again, I am not bothered about his personal account much. As long as he remains financially available for our family, then I am good.
he also gives me full disclosure to his spending etc. Tbh, I think I am the one with a spending issue. Vinted!!! Maybe that’s why he wants separate personal accounts 😂

Surely if married and he dies then his will would say it comes to you

I had a joint account for bills with dh and then we had our seperate

when he died his accounts went to me as next of kin

so I don’t see an issue with a joint account with savings together and then he has his own account

great that you’ve come to come to some resolution here.
the only other thing is it sounds like none of the household bills are in your name and that would be a concern.
firstly, you should have at least one utility in your name.
secondly, not the same but when my husband moved out I was not able to change the names on our accounts for Sky tv or BT broadband, which were in his name only, even though I was still living in the property we had to close the accounts and open new ones in my name, losing long service benefits and also service for a few days whilst it went though. Such a pain to deal with and I can imagine it would be even worse if you were bereaved at the same time

I try and do this with DH once or twice a year, he tries to muster interest but he pretty much glazes over, we have both joint and separate accounts but if I died I don't think he'd know which bill was which, fortunately pretty much everything is on direct debit

This was exactly our set up!!
It made me fee vulnerable, and I explained that to him. There was always some reason why he couldn't change it.

I had no reason to worry - no problems in our marriage, he was always generous etc. But it niggled me.

Turns out that the reason I couldn't have full access to everything was because he was paying his girlfriend's rent. And then he left. And I'm a fool.

We had a nightmare sorting this out for my mum when my dad died.

The first problem was that all direct debits were from his account, so we had a ticking clock to contact utilities, broadband etc, and even the smaller things you might not initially think of like pet insurance. If they had been from a joint account they would just have continued and we’d have had more time to get the name changed.

The second was that although he had hundreds of thousands in savings, which all went to mum in the will, she needed to wait for probate to get it. And in the meantime she had very little money in her own account.

we have all our bills and mortgage going out of the joint account and everything else is separate accounts.

Glad to see you have a compromise with the joint account.

If all the utilities are in his name only ask him to add you as an agreed contact or second account holder. How you do this is supplier dependent. Also sort out your LPAs. Surprised the solicitor you used for your wills didn't suggest that.