Consumed with guilt over early potential retirement at 50 - why am I overthinking this so much?

[Midlifechampion]

So glad I found this thread and I’m in a very fortunate position so frankly feel like an idiot being so stressed about the decision.

transitioned into tech sales ten years ago and was very fortunate that’s id already have paid off our mortgage, so the income has been more than we needed, meaning accidently tbh we’ve in a position that at 50 we have enough across different levers (savings, investment, pension etc) that our financial advisor has said we are good to draw 50 to 60k a year no issues ( then factoring in inflation and also spending tapering until you typically need care)

It’s like the veil has been lifted because I’ve been grinding away at a very stressful, highly target driven job in the corporate world for the last few years when my heart left the building ages ago! I want to write, be more creative and see where it takes me and am incredibly lucky that I could potentially do it.

so why I am so bloody terrified! I’ve been the main bread winner for all of our lives (my dh has a health condition meaning he takes on jobs occasionally but it’s top up money) so I’m stuck in this guilt spiral of torching a well paid career others would be so grateful to have (I see so many people my age made redundant and can’t get back into work, with AI just accelerating that). And worried that if something I’ve not accounted for happens and I can’t get back into work that I’ve frankly messed it all up! My DD is 19 and doing an apprenticeship in a sector that doesn’t pay well but has purpose (which I love!) and I also want to help her with a house deposit which I’ve modelled and we can do that fine.

I just wish I could accept that it’s OK to not want this anymore and trust that it’s OK to start drawing down on what we’ve managed to build. I also think it’s a fear of the unknown, because I don’t know what life will feel like on the other side. i’m also aware that at 50 it’s very young but there are so many things I would like to do and this is much more of a retirement from a typical corporate job than me retiring fully.. it’s just that I can’t guarantee whatever I do next or actually make any money!

To be honest, it’s kind of consuming every waking our thinking about this which is not healthy and also adds another slab of guilt but I should be excited and elated that I can do this but the guilt is just crippling!

Its probably too much potential change at once. Could you take a sabbatical to see how it feels? Or go part time to test the water? Retirement is a kind of bereavement- even when it's welcome - so brings up mixed emotions

Who told you that you 'should' feel excited and elated? Why aren't you allowed to feel your own feelings?

Crossing the threshold to retirement is a huge life transition. It's also taking a risk, a leap into the unknown. When I retired I felt nervous and a bit scared, even though I was fed up with my work and knew it was the right decision for me. People are complicated and can have mixed feelings.

I am the same age and so over the corporate world but have a few more years of mortgage and school fees to go.

in the situation you are in, it doesn’t have to mean no more work ever, unless you want it to. Why not take some time in full retirement and figure out whether that is what you want or whether you want some sort of work to occupy your mind. You might be quite content writing, pottering and travelling or whatever.

Take an unpaid break and see how you feel?

Have you tried to live off your pension income - that’ll be a good test

It could be mighty hard to get back into work at your age so I think it’s good to make sure you can cope financially

Do you have an option to go part time for a bit if you’re worried about retiring fully?

What a great dilemma to have you have clearly planned well. As other have said could you move to part time or take a sabbatical for a few months to dip a toe into the doing less waters as it were?

Stopping your corporate job doesnt mean stopping altogether you could try and get a part time role somewhere if you felt you needed purpose/connection/routine.

I am nearing 60 in a full on clinical role, the job I love but all the other NHS bullshit I have really had enough of. I can access quite a lot of my pension at that age, but my dilemma is whether to carry on at reduced hours a little longer or to stop completely. In my job noone would take me on for another post at consultant level starting at 60, not wanting to do night shifts, near top of pay scale etc. How does your industry look upon older staff valued experience or set in their ways?..

Do you feel guilt because it isn't what your family or friends would expect or because you have somehow got off "easy" because you don't have to work?

Would it help to frame it in your own mind, at least, as a sabbatical and then see how you feel after a proper break and experiencing what it is really like?

Do you have a good plan as to how you would spend your time?

Hmm, I think you need to separate your guilt and your other feelings. Not sure why you should feel guilty at all- yes, other people might love to have your job but this way one of them will have it! You're doing your junior colleagues a good turn. You're also not planning to sit on your arse for 40 years- sounds like you will still be contributing to society just in different way. 0 to feel guilty about.

I think the worry is different and much more rational, given that there are obviously risks in leaving the workforce- will you regret it? Will something unforeseen mean you are less financially secure than you think? Will leaving your job affect your self image in a negative way etc etc. These are quite sensible things to be thinking about and you'd be foolish not to consider them. A sabbatical or switch to part time might be a way to test the water, although of course those things aren't possible in every industry.

There are lots of resources about the switch from building your wealth to drawing it down. Die With Zero is worth a read. Also lots of podcasts and youtube videos from people like James Shack and Meaningful Money that cover this transition- might be worth a watch.

In terms of excitement, would it help to start making a few concrete plans for things you might do? Maybe travel or a writing course or retreat- something that could be a positive thing to feel excited about rather than just the idea of no longer working.

@BangBangBangBangBang

cab you offer insights here as to how to make your money work for you? What are your top tips if you have watched the videos

You have to think of it as a transition not a cliff edge. Why not look at a part-time role so the drop off isn't so significant. At 50 you could have another career so just think of it as ending the current career and trying something new.

Also join retirement groups on SM, lots of advice and experience of transitioning. It seems everyone has the fear when moving from a salary and high levels of saving to finally start drawing down those funds. I'm not there yet but have similar feelings...ultimately I will have to trust that it will be ok.

It is a different mindset to know that when you stop earning, what you have is a finite resource.

Presumably you have modelled for a range of factors, zero growth etc (the mantra is that the market always picks up again but my pension picked up again from the lower starting points caused by the invasion of Ukraine, for example). But if some huge financial collapse happens it would probably effect your working income too.

I am speaking from a totally different income bracket and never earned £60k at the top of my career, but it was hard to adjust to ‘identifying’ as retired. And even tho I can manage on my small pension the idea that this is what I now have for life feels less secure. Or perhaps less something I am in control of.

But that is not a reason to stop work that you don’t enjoy and don’t need financially. You may be addicted to the stress and adrenaline.

Of course you can choose to stop work, spend more time with your DH, look at the world from a different perspective.

But think about your transition. Find a way to stop and come back free if the target driven mindset you have become accustomed to because otherwise your new more creative activities will feel ‘unsuccessful’ and you might feel impatient or restless.

Do you feel you do not deserve the potential future you have built for yourself? If so maybe look at that. You are admiring of your DD’s sector, does it offer something that you feel you have not contributed, for example?

I would stop work and travel for 3 months or go on some sort of retreat, reflect, regroup and then come back and look at your whole life afresh.

Do you live in a place that supports your new life? Is creating a new home together a project? Longer term thinking!

(P.S everyone wants you to immediately volunteer, or has great ideas as to what they think you should do with your time: resist!)

No one is going to want to share actual figures but you have done your due diligence on what you have income and asset wise and how the future pans out in multiple scenarios with investments, inflation etc. We worked our finances based on us living to 100. We have both had relatives live till they hit 98 on my side and 101 on DH side. We were riskier than you in that we worked it all out finance wise by ourselves with no IFA well I personally don’t think it’s riskier but many would.

I retired at 54 and DH retired at 56, he is a bit younger so I had 5 years of being retired alone. One thing I don’t have is guilt about retiring early. I have experienced guilt over other things in my life but not this.

I looked at us as some younger person being able to take my place and have a job. Plus if other people are poorer? There will always be people poorer and there will always be people richer.

It is an entire life adjustment, I loved my job as did DH but it wasn’t our whole lives. We bought a motor home and had 2 months away last year, it will be close to 6 months this year now we have found our feet with it. If you can afford to do whatever you like that is brilliant. MIL has pottered around since retiring, she loves it, her garden is like a mini Kew Gardens. Do what you love if you can whatever it is.

I would suggest winding down gradually say 2 days a Week consulting work i think full retirement at 50 might be a shock for you .

Just rebrand it as a career break; it is scary to make a major change but feels better if it feels reversible.

Oh just ditch the guilt!

Do it - but before you do make a plan as to what you will do with your time ... something positive and life-enhancing.

I retrained and did something I enjoyed at age 50 and I did not have your financial cushion - not at all!.

It takes a while to get your head round the transition. I retired from a similar demanding senior role at 57. It took me 2 years to get the courage to make the jump, even though my financial advisor said I could afford to. As long as you have modeled a possible (30%) financial crash into your projection and it still works, you should be fine. I stopped completely. I didn't want to consult as I have been a consultant and it's hard work to do it properly. I am now a charity trustee so I give my time for free and really enjoy my retirement.

Retirement is very hard! I was doing 4 days a week and had planned to retire at 61 but along came another insane work reorganisation so some part of my brain just went Nope not doing it. So bang instant retirement just a few weeks after my 60th birthday.
It has been a very mixed bag emotionally and because I dont have that absorbing job I have now had to start looking at my health issues.
I felt very guilty for weeks and weeks because my partner has a very demanding job and there is me sitting in the garden all day or watching Wimbledon!
I am telling friends now that its a life stage and no matter how you prepare it will be challenging. Its like moving away at 18 for University.
My partner says it will take a while to get the hang of it. Financially I am very lucky as I inherited from my grandmother despite having zero money issues I am having a right old bumpy ride. But its better than work!

I personally wouldn't retire so young, no. I think it's fast tracking the risk of becoming set in your ways, decreased mental stimulation, and associated health conditions such as dementia. I appreciate many people successfully avoid their world shrinking once retired, but you are looking at needing to manage this risk for forty years! It's a long time.

However I would definitely leave your stressful job. I would look for something totally new in a sector you'd enjoy. It doesn't matter what it pays since you don't need the money. Take risks and try new things - if you don't like the role, leave and look in another area. Part time if you like, and pursue the creative writing idea in the other hours.

Prevailing culture is that everyone has to apologise for having money

Are you sure that's not what it is? It really gets into your head.

One of the main things about retirement is that many people invest their identity (and therefore their self worth) in a job. Tying self-worth to a job title creates an emotional vacuum when work stops. Society relies on occupation as a quick shorthand to judge status and worth. So it's one of the first things people ask about you when you meet. What do you do? No one wants to say that they do nothing. Admitting to leisure feels like admitting to a lack of productivity or purpose.

This is why many people who aim to retire younger do so in stages. They cut down to par time hours, volunteer or start a side hustle.

My identity as an academic was a big part of my life. However I already had a side hustle as a vintage/antiques dealer. When I ceased employed work at 60 I continued on a consultancy basis for some years. That was how I got into private tutoring which I still do, along with the antiques. I am in my early 80s but I can still say "I deal in antiques" or "I do postgrad tutoring" rather than I am retired.

Think of all the things you have enjoyed in the past and how you might expand one of them to fill the void. Maybe you need to look for new conversation starters to reframe your identity outside a career.

I didn’t work between Sep-Feb as elderly DPs taking up a lot of my time and effectively was trying out retirement to see how it felt. I am 56 was 55 at the time. I didn’t really enjoy it but that could have been partly down to the circumstances regarding my DPs, and am much happier now I have a 3 day a week admin role to provide some structure and a bit of income.

DH retired in January and he is loving it so far, the difference being that it was something he actively wanted and had planned how he was going to fill his time.

I think you need to actively want to retire and if you don’t and it’s about stepping back rather than stopping work entirely, find something different be that paid employment, volunteering or whatever. Working is a different mindset when you know you’re not there forever and can leave if you get pissed off.

£50-60k a year each, or combined?

Honestly, if it's combined, I'd not want to drop so low at 50, espescially if you're talking about "tapering down" spending.

If you are going to retire at 50, surely you want an income level that you can take multiple holidays, spend time going out and about, take up hobbies etc.

Dad retired at 60 with a healthy pension pot. 35 years ago his pension of about £30k was great. However 25 years on it goes a lot less far and he is pretty stressed about it. (And before anyone jumps in to say it’s plenty of money, these things are relative.). Yes the money you’ll have now might sound reasonable, but will it grow in line with inflation? If you have to fix the roof or buy a new car in the future, will that be ok?

All these replies are so superb and carefully thought out I really appreciate it.

I put semi retirement because I just want to retire from corporate life - I’ve already started writing and even doing a little bit of performing which I’ve loved and I’m not really sure what the next phase could bring but I’m open to trying all sorts of things so I certainly don’t intend to retire at 50 and do nothing!

It’s more than in the type of role that I have. It’s really difficult to find the mental space to do anything else so although I’ve had the advice of all will start doing something else on the side whilst you leave so you’ll know what that feels like to be honest I think I need the clear headspace to work out the next step which adds its own guilt of why don’t I have the energy to just do it alongside this! And the slight scars of course I don’t know what the other side will feel like until I’ve done it

All I know is that there is a voice inside me saying I need to explore my creative side and it feels like I just can’t ignore it anymore, even if it earns me not one single penny!