How can we manage financially as Universal Credit support reduces?

[elliejjtiny]

We have 5 dc aged between 19 and 11 all with disabilities. Dh was a manager up until youngest was born, then he became unwell and had to take a massive pay cut. I'm a Sahm and get carers allowance. We get UC. Dc1 in his first year at uni, dc2 about to start in September.

We are just about managing at the moment but barely. In September we are going to lose the child element of universal credit for dc2 and I'm worried how we are going to manage. When the dc were younger I thought I would be working by now but I'm only getting 4 hours sleep a night and my 11 year old needs constant supervision when not at school so I don't know how I could fit work in. Dh has to work away about 15 weekends a year (from friday morning until late Sunday night) which leaves me completely exhausted each time. We spend 9 weekends a year picking up/dropping off/visiting dc1 and I imagine spending the same amount of time with dc2. There is no childcare for children my dc age with SN and they have to be picked up and dropped off at school. The dc have appointments about once a week on average and dc4 stays in hospital about 1 night a year when I don't get any sleep at all.

Realistically I can't think of any employer who would employ me with the amount of time off I would need and on so little sleep. At the moment I spend the time dc are at school doing the housework, cooking the dinner and trying to catch up on a bit of sleep.

I'm trying to think of anywhere we could save money but I can't think of anything. Dc1 doesn't cost any less money while he is at uni.

agree - If I had one disabled child I wouldn’t go on to have more
my son ( grown up now ) is severally dyslexic along with mild autism and dyspraxia but very high functioning in that he always had a job owns his own house and drives

he was around 5 when diagnosed and already suspected something was up
and although I had no interest in having any more kids it meant I was able to devote every thing to my son to ensure he got everything he needed

Yes I agree, my SIL had a lot of support at uni and did very well. She has autism and despite years of volunteering and her degree, she’s yet to find a job 3 years later. Despite having a PA. Very easy for people with no experience of the reality of being disabled to assume it’s as easy as ‘just get a job’. She’d love one

Oh I didn't realise it was your opinion, you didn't say that.

Because the population has increased, people are living longer, people don't feel they have to suffer in silence any more, more people drive now, people can't afford to compensate for the costs of having a disability themselves anymore as the cost just to exist is far higher now... numerous reasons.

Agreed. We stopped at 2 because that's what we could afford.

Who says OP did? It sounds like OP's husband had a good job and circumstances changed once they already had 5 children.

I guess if it’s hidden disabilities then not all children are diagnosed with them from birth but sometime afterwards, probably years. By that time you’ve had another and another.
However I get your point. I have 2 children with hidden disabilities. My eldest has only just been diagnosed at 12. My youngest who came afterwards was the first to be diagnosed. But yes, I’m absolutely not having anymore children now ever again after years of struggling with the 2 I already have.

People have just had enough of paying for it all. Even without any disabilities and if the dad had kept his higher paying job they likely still would have qualified for thousands in benefits. Child benefit alone would be thousands a a year. They lifting of the two child cap for UC has really got people's backs up when most people are limiting the size of their families for financial reasons.

That's brave and exactly what I was thinking

some of the comments on this thread are shameful.

OP, to answer your actual question:

There are logically only 3 options:

1. spend less
2. make more money
3. both

Option 4 is get into debt, which is a crappy option.

I assume you’ve cut back as much as you can? In which case there is only really one option- make more money.

You’ve said you’re tired which is fair enough- sounds really tough. But could your OH do overtime? Could you do literally one shift at the weekend or on his day off? One shift at the pub on a Saturday would make a big difference. Do you have any contacts who could give you casual / ad hoc work? Can you rent a room out?

Think- how are you going to make that money as a family?

Oh I see. Nothing to do with blue badges being handed out willy nilly. 1/15 adults now hold a blue badge. That does not add up.

I have a blue badge as my oldest is blind. Is that OK, or is that not disabled enough?

Surely it's basic common sense to realise that it isn't always known before?

You are going to get ripped to pieces now for this comment, I bet. When I went to uni, already in the 1990s there were loads of useless degrees and people surely knew they won't be using those degrees but we were all told, that the purpose of university education is 'to expand my mind', never mind joining the workforce. Mind you, a friend of mine went further and did a PhD in East European politics - she now manages a charity shop.

Well good for you. But he was diagnosed at 5, you could easily have had more children by then as the average age gap is two years.

UC credit stops when children age out. If you have two at university/starting university, their maintenance loan is what is provided for their keep not as pocket money, they should be paying you board and lodgings from that.

But surely you should only have the amount of children that you afford, whether they are disabled or not?

5 is a large number of children in any circumstances. Mine are teens and i ve only ever come across two families with 5 kids in all the friendships/groups/schools they have been to.

Thank you. With dc1 he started showing signs of autism aged 2 when dc2 was already born. We were told repeatedly he didn't have autism until he was 9, after our youngest was born. Dc2 was born with medical problems that we were told he would grow out of, he didn't. So when dc3 was conceived we had one child who we thought wasn't disabled and one who was supposed to grow out of his disabilities. Dc3 was born healthy with no symptoms of disabilities until he was 9, 6 years after our youngest was born. Dc4 was born with disabilities that we were told would improve as he got older and dc5 was conceived while we were using 3 types of contraception.

Dc2 took an overdose and almost died during lockdown while I was stretched to the limit with lockdown learning and looking after the dc so since then I've been scared to not give any of the dc time to talk etc when they want it in case it happens again.

Dc1 has been denied PIP at renewal and dc2 we applied 9 months ago and still waiting to hear, it should be any day now. Dc1 works part time in university holidays but dc2 can't as he has selective mutism. Dc1's uni is 4 hours drive away and dc2's is 3 hours away in the other direction. Younger 3 are all getting dla and I get the carers element of universal credit. House comes with dh's job so we can't downsise.

The problem is that maintenance loan is often insufficient to pay for all that is needed. My kids loans don't even cover their rent. It sounds like op's eldest is living away from home.

Call adult SS , put the kids in special schools, start working and use foodbanks. No luxuries, etc. Hopefully you can go on local trips or save enough for holidays...the best is starting NOW

You are aware this isn't AIBU aren't you? You're making abelist comments here.

Amazing how a media attack on the disabled has you lot coming out of the woodwork, doesn't it?!

If you read the original post, the OP said her husband became unwell after the youngest was born. Without further information we don't know what sort of industry he worked in or how much he earned. After he became unwell he had to take a lower paid job. So, they stopped having children when his earnings decreased.

What do you mean ‘put kids in special schools’? How will that help with money? Why do you even think her kids are all eligible for ‘special schools’?

I'm so fed up of paying taxes which then pay for other people to e.g. have more children (and not pay tax). Absolutely sick of it. As are millions of others.

Taxes are supposed to help pay for a safety net in benefits, old age, illness etc. This makes sense. We all agree about this (I think).

Benefits are not meant to be there as an assumed way of life.