How can we manage financially as Universal Credit support reduces?

[elliejjtiny]

We have 5 dc aged between 19 and 11 all with disabilities. Dh was a manager up until youngest was born, then he became unwell and had to take a massive pay cut. I'm a Sahm and get carers allowance. We get UC. Dc1 in his first year at uni, dc2 about to start in September.

We are just about managing at the moment but barely. In September we are going to lose the child element of universal credit for dc2 and I'm worried how we are going to manage. When the dc were younger I thought I would be working by now but I'm only getting 4 hours sleep a night and my 11 year old needs constant supervision when not at school so I don't know how I could fit work in. Dh has to work away about 15 weekends a year (from friday morning until late Sunday night) which leaves me completely exhausted each time. We spend 9 weekends a year picking up/dropping off/visiting dc1 and I imagine spending the same amount of time with dc2. There is no childcare for children my dc age with SN and they have to be picked up and dropped off at school. The dc have appointments about once a week on average and dc4 stays in hospital about 1 night a year when I don't get any sleep at all.

Realistically I can't think of any employer who would employ me with the amount of time off I would need and on so little sleep. At the moment I spend the time dc are at school doing the housework, cooking the dinner and trying to catch up on a bit of sleep.

I'm trying to think of anywhere we could save money but I can't think of anything. Dc1 doesn't cost any less money while he is at uni.

ND is genetic so if mum or dad are ND there’s a chance the kids will be . The first is 19 and the last 11, that’s enough time to know whether the eldest few are to stop having more .

I think from a previous thread the OP said that dc1 has autism, and is doing a degree in their special interest, and also has a part-time job (I responded on that thread, as it was about PIP being cancelled, and I have a dc with autism going to uni in Sept, and I hadn’t realised that PIP might be possible.. and I really worry about my dc coping at uni, about whether they will ever be able to get up and out to lectures in time, or finish any work - so the concept of a dc with autism at an ‘away’ university thriving and even being able to hold down a part-time job is really amazing, and I really hope the same is possible for my dc).

Agreed. But we're not allowed to ask these questions. I'd be interested to know what disabilities. Also not allowed to ask that I suppose.

Yes. Hence the UK now pays out more than it brings in. Super. A positively thriving economy.

Its time for a conversation with DC at uni. Can he/she get a job in holidays to be able to pay for their own way a bit? Do you pay for things for them that they should be paying for themselves?

Can your DC at uni provide some financial support when they are at home, ie pay rent?

Id work to getting the older ones independently using public transport to cut down your weekend commitments if possible.

Then I think the Care work idea on zero hours contract is a good idea, you could work in the day whilst the younger ones are at school. You could do three hours a day which I think would be manageable.

Why do people keep having children when they can't afford to look after them, without state assistance?

Of course you're allowed. Someone has literally asked this question and the sky hasn't caved in.

Perhaps it's when one asks for the definition of disability, that the sky caves in. Should ADHD be classed as a disability? No. Should lack of mobility due to severe arthritis be classed as a disability? Yes. Etc.

My youngest was diagnosed with ASD at 7 despite both DH and I saying we thought he had it for a couple of years , he was diagnosed with ADHD as an adult, because apparently both conditions aren't seen together. I was a neurotic mother, not a concerned mother trying to help her child. I was told for years that people didn't have ADHD and ASD. Please don't assume that either are diagnosed very young.

Can you offer dog walking services during the day?

Or ironing or cleaning?

You’d be surprised how many people are using cleaners these days and the rate is usually £10-25ph

I often have similar thoughts when I read posts like this, and sometimes comment and then not, I am on another group and they say as much as it is normal to think these things, when the person posts they are looking for help, because the rest won’t change the amount of kids they have.
I guess in OP’s case things changed, and their DP was in what seems like a good position up until youngest was born, and took a pay cut. So obviously thought things were manageable, then change came. They were obviously able to survive on DH’s salary and benefits at a point. And OP thought she would be in work, but that obviously changed with time and her caring needs for one of her DC in particular it seems.

I’m not sure what you mean OP about the age of your children and there being no childcare.

What things are mainly do you think, causing you to have so little sleep.

True but whether there is a formal diagnosis or not, the parents would know that something is up. If I had two or more children displaying signs of ND or other disabilities then I would not opt to have more. And yes I’d have an abortion if I got pregnant by accident (which lots of people claim they did).

Not every disability is obvious that young. My brother was 14 when he was diagnosed with autism and started showing symptoms at 7 /8 By that point, I was 6 and my sister was 4

My visual impairment wasn't diagnosed until I was around 3. It was around the age of 7 that there was quite a bit more going on. I sort of got an answer in my early 20s

No I don't think the sky would cave in if someone asked that either. Like you just did and...absolutely nothing happened.

Not sure why you'd need to ask that though, you're obviously qualified to decide what's a disability and what isn't.

Man some of these comments are outrageous. Would you say that to someone's face? I'd hazard a guess you wouldnt.

Her children are between 19-11 meaning that the 19 year old was only 8 when the youngest was born. It is very possible it wasn't known that any of her children were disabled at that point.

Sounds like her husband also had a good job until they already had 5 children and the situation suddenly changed which happens.

This isn't AIBU either. If you can't help the OP with her question then say nothing.

That's my view - I never claimed to be qualified in it. Common sense - that is missing these days. An example - A person who can't walk properly can't park in a blue badge space near the supermarket entrance, because all of the blue badge spaces are full. That never used to be the case. Why?

How do you do 80 hours a week. Is that on your own as a single parent. And what do you do with the kids after school and in the holidays.

Some very bitchy comments on here, I thought I was aibu for a while🙄

This is a horribly ableist comment. Please educate yourself. Shocking.

Of course they wouldn't. Safe behind a bloody keyboard.

There's 8 years between the oldest and youngest. It's quite possible that nothing apart from a quirky personality was evident in the oldest at that time.
This thread has really become quite horrid. I truly hope no one finds that a child has a lifetime disability. It seems that every decision has to be debated and criticised. The OP is being asked to justify why she has 5 children, why she did not notice that any were disabled, I'm surprised that she's not been asked why she didn't terminate pregnancies.
It's really become vile.
And, yes, I do understand that the welfare bill is huge, and many people fiddle their taxes too.

Mum and/or dad don't always know they are ND themselves. It isn't always enough time at all, girls tend to mask incredibly well and lack of parenting is usually blamed at first.