How can we manage financially as Universal Credit support reduces?

[elliejjtiny]

We have 5 dc aged between 19 and 11 all with disabilities. Dh was a manager up until youngest was born, then he became unwell and had to take a massive pay cut. I'm a Sahm and get carers allowance. We get UC. Dc1 in his first year at uni, dc2 about to start in September.

We are just about managing at the moment but barely. In September we are going to lose the child element of universal credit for dc2 and I'm worried how we are going to manage. When the dc were younger I thought I would be working by now but I'm only getting 4 hours sleep a night and my 11 year old needs constant supervision when not at school so I don't know how I could fit work in. Dh has to work away about 15 weekends a year (from friday morning until late Sunday night) which leaves me completely exhausted each time. We spend 9 weekends a year picking up/dropping off/visiting dc1 and I imagine spending the same amount of time with dc2. There is no childcare for children my dc age with SN and they have to be picked up and dropped off at school. The dc have appointments about once a week on average and dc4 stays in hospital about 1 night a year when I don't get any sleep at all.

Realistically I can't think of any employer who would employ me with the amount of time off I would need and on so little sleep. At the moment I spend the time dc are at school doing the housework, cooking the dinner and trying to catch up on a bit of sleep.

I'm trying to think of anywhere we could save money but I can't think of anything. Dc1 doesn't cost any less money while he is at uni.

Thst’s your experience 🤷‍♀️

You must be entitled to to DLA and disabled child element of UC, along with carers allowance for all the children under 16 at least. So the state is supporting you, probably a lot more than most people receive.

They got away with implementing their evil, because of the drip drip effect. I don't suppose any of them thought they would end up at the wrong end of a hangman's noose. Most people didn't care until it affected them, by which time, as Martin Niemoller said, there was no one left to save him.

Shocking isn't it. My dd's rent is reasonable for this coming year at £360 a month ( small shared flat). Her student loan is 5k though which leaves her with £440 a year to live on if we did not give her money. She is desperately looking for work but with placements ( Nursing course) which chop and change and often involve 12 hour shifts it isn't easy. She doesn't even get the long summer holidays off. Fortunately she does get the NHS bursary which helps with travel costs to placements etc.

Surely though costs at uni are the sort of thing you look into before and if your adult child needs that much input then you tell them that they have to go to a local uni or they have to be able to work to support themselves and get themselves to and from unassisted . At the end of the day there is not a bottomless pit of money.

I think many people reading this will have sympathy for the difficult circumstances you've faced, OP.
That said, I do think it's worth acknowledging that a lot of people who desperately wanted larger families made the very hard and heartbreaking decision not to have more children specifically because of the financial reality of raising them. That's a sacrifice many people carry quietly.
Ultimately though, the only concrete suggestion I can offer is the same one that applies to most financial pressures is finding work.

Good for you, though it might not work for the OP, seeing as they do not own their home.

Having 5 children without any contingency is madness and unfortunately costs us all in the end. However they turn out. Compounding that by sending them off to universities hours away when they are not fully independent is neglectful.

I ask the same question.

That’s what I am thinking child disabled element, child element and dla x 3 looking at around at least £2,000 a month if not potentially more if they are on higher rates!

That said op unfortunately you made a really bad choice, i had a disabled child and knew I had to stop at two ironically dc2 then became disabled later in childhood but thank god I stopped at two. why did you choose to have more knowing they were disabilities? You will most likely need to go back to work if your struggling.

'random loser' - ok. Personal attacks.

I see where we are now. A rational debate no more . It always ends up like this with benefit threads. Often its people defending the indefensible, and worrying about their free money being - reasonably - questioned. So they get tetchy.

Okay, one more time in case people misunderstood.

I, me, myself would not want to live in this world as a disabled person. That is just MY opinion. I am not talking for disabled people, for families with disabled children, or anyone else.

Just me. I also would not choose to have more children if one already had a disabled child.

Where have you got the impression I'm on about killing any disabled children? I merely stated that suicide in disabled people is higher. That should be spoken about. If people want to ignore those stats and ignore the fact that a lot of disabled people struggle throughout life that's up to them.
It's just not for me. And it also shouldn't be up to the likes of me and others to fund those decisions.

I really cannot be any clearer.

Me too.. seems absolute madness.

Having one child without a contingency then is also madness surely

Completely agree.

Society is not lacking in judgemental people criticising people's choices everyday, or governments who put in punitive measures, directly and indirectly as deterrents, so no, if you cannot bully people into having less children. Moreover, these things aren't always a result of "poor choices".

You lot just feel entitled to have a go at people in these situations because you see them as free game.

Of course. But not as extreme

Out of hours call handler for NHS direct or 111? You'll do hours outside of 9-5 which might suit.

Or ad hoc cleaning shifts?

There's none of that here. It's people voicing opinions about paying lots of tax for choices others have made.

So what is your contingency plan, in case you do become disabled? Asking for a friend🙄.

Exactly - although I am guessing some of the disabilities manifested later in life so perhaps OP wasn’t aware when deciding to have more children.
I find two children without disabilities require a substantial amount of our time and input, I couldn’t cope with five!!
OP - I think you need to take the proactive approach you took to procreation and caring to earning money - part time role during school hours either at school or as admin somewhere?

So go write that shit in your diary or go and tell your mum. Don't come on here to a woman who is disabled with disabled children and say you wouldn't want to be alive in her shoes and try to pass it off as just your opinion.

What a strange post

I suppose I could ask you, as you seem so bitter about paying tax, why haven't you done better for yourself? Why aren't you earning a high enough amount/maximising your income with a second job?
You seem to resent paying tax, you must not feel you earn enough to be able to live comfortably, so why don't you try to improve your career prospects by training?

It doesn't occur to you that people who object the most to paying ever increasing taxes to fund ever rising welfare are exactly those who did better for themselves, made right choices, earn better than average (or a lot), worked on their careers, but the state takes more and more to fund people like OP? if you earn very little you pay very little and take from state more than you contribute, you'll hardly complaint about high taxes.

a poster who obviously needs help

OP's need for help is far from obvious. She had plenty in benefits for many years, she has housing funded by her DH's job. Her benefits will reduce, but so will her expenses. Life will be tighter, but it's the same for millions of other people.

You do not need to spend 9 weekends a year ferrying your adult Dc to university - if that had been necessary then they should have chosen one closer to home. Same with DC2 - they choose somewhere nearby or they sort their own travel out. In addition, if DC2 is independent enough to go away to Uni. He’s independent enough to get a part time job. A shelf stacker in Tesco doesn't need to be able to speak and having a job will help with his independence. (Sorry, I’m just assuming he’s male).
Look for a part time job in a school - something like a school meals supervisor would enable to have a little bit of time to rest, a little more income, a little bit of time to associate with other adults,

Exept that some of these attitudes already existed in society. They were accepted in many European societies... and are still prevalent today.