How can we manage financially as Universal Credit support reduces?

[elliejjtiny]

We have 5 dc aged between 19 and 11 all with disabilities. Dh was a manager up until youngest was born, then he became unwell and had to take a massive pay cut. I'm a Sahm and get carers allowance. We get UC. Dc1 in his first year at uni, dc2 about to start in September.

We are just about managing at the moment but barely. In September we are going to lose the child element of universal credit for dc2 and I'm worried how we are going to manage. When the dc were younger I thought I would be working by now but I'm only getting 4 hours sleep a night and my 11 year old needs constant supervision when not at school so I don't know how I could fit work in. Dh has to work away about 15 weekends a year (from friday morning until late Sunday night) which leaves me completely exhausted each time. We spend 9 weekends a year picking up/dropping off/visiting dc1 and I imagine spending the same amount of time with dc2. There is no childcare for children my dc age with SN and they have to be picked up and dropped off at school. The dc have appointments about once a week on average and dc4 stays in hospital about 1 night a year when I don't get any sleep at all.

Realistically I can't think of any employer who would employ me with the amount of time off I would need and on so little sleep. At the moment I spend the time dc are at school doing the housework, cooking the dinner and trying to catch up on a bit of sleep.

I'm trying to think of anywhere we could save money but I can't think of anything. Dc1 doesn't cost any less money while he is at uni.

I just got told that I was 'scary' for suggesting the OP does a cleaning job. It would be likely available, close by, a means to switch off and get on with it, and be paid a good tenner an hour...

But that suggestion makes me scary?

God, how soft has society become. The concept that a person should have to work to support her children, hers, blimey...

Scary :)

Is that the deleted one where you said you'd rather be dead than disabled?

So you agree?

You are scary because you lack basic empathy.

Yes I agree with you. I don’t quite understand it. 🤷‍♀️

I'm sure they do exist. And they are disgusting human beings and I'm sorry you went through that. I'm just stating that I don't think or agree with it at all. I don't know how on earth @gamerchickhas got that rhetoric from.

Why is it lacking in empathy to say that someone who is struggling financially should work while the other parent is home?

i said I wouldn't want to live in this world as a disabled person. What's wrong with that? I also did state it was my own personal opinion.

Would you choose that life for yourself?

I know how hard it is... there are literally no jobs for young people, never mind pt working alongside a uni course.

I have one young person at home looking for work and one has found a job starting in August- funnily enough because of having taken a year out and working in a support role for their chosen career before attending uni.
OP's DC can defer uni for a year or two. My DC worked hard for a year, same story for as some of their friends. That's very much a reality these days when student loans & bank of Mum & Dad won't cover the cost of living.

It's ridiculous isn't it.
I can't imagine feeling frightened because someone suggested a job opportunity to me.

A lot of posters are very dramatic and like to twist and turn things. Like on this very thread.

No one would make the choice to be disabled.

My son is very happy to be alive though.

So if both the elder kids are hours away at university I don't understand why you think your costs wouldn't reduce? Of course they cost less if they aren't living with you.

Who has been 'nasty about disabled'?

Great, I'm happy that's the case for you.

As I said, it's my own personal opinion. I am not trying to push my opinion on anyone else or speak for anyone else. I should have known that stating 'this is my opinion' wouldn't have been enough for posters to realise it is, in fact, just my opinion.

@elliejjtiny To get back to the original question, I think when funds are tight (for whatever reason) there has to be compromise.

Without knowing the detailed ins and outs of your finances, your situation sounds unsustainable, given that dc at uni may be an increased cost commitment for you, at the same time as there will be a reduction in income due to certain benefits ceasing.

So you ought to temporarily throw out all of your current assumptions, and examine every aspect of your life to see whether there are things that you are doing that are resource intensive (either financially or physically), that you can do in a different way.

Your dh being away for 15 weekends a year sounds difficult - that is nearly a third of the weekends in a year? Does that mean he is then around for some days in the week on a regular basis? If so, can you then work during those times? Can he try and move towards earning more?

Can you move your younger dc towards a bit more independence, re: school runs, as that might enable you to have greater availability of work?

Unfortunately, where funds are limited, cloth does need to be cut slightly accordingly (that is true for everyone) - and it sounds like that is something that does need to be considered. If you do not have the disposable income to support your older dc at uni (once their benefits drop away), then this needs to be addressed. Unis with expensive accommodation should be off the table - unis with cheaper accommodation should be considered. Closer unis that do not require such resources to get to (in travel / hotel / time costs) should be considered. Or taking a gap year or two to work to build up funds to manage. Or staying at home for uni, and going to the local one, and picking up part-time work locally. Obviously this is all fixed for dc1, but not too late to make changes for dc2.

Also, one thing I have noticed on the HE boards here, is that there is an assumption that dc at uni need a large amount of spending money for socialising etc (sometimes £500 per month), which we do not do with ours (£300 per month, which includes all food (in self-catered), bills, mobile phone, and socialising, and travel, and course equipment costs).

Bit someone has to pay these massive benefits for decades... Tens of thousands after tens of thousands...

The payers are the ones working, the very cleaners that you say I'm 'scary' for suggesting she joins...

I am fed up of people taking the mikey regarding benefits. She made her choices to have all these children. I feel she should be made to get a job... Which, as she's now financially struggling... Seems like something that has never crossed her mind until now and the cashpoint has began stuttering...

Yes, sick of paying more and more tax to people who get these huge sums.

She needs a job. Any job. Now. And the state needs to stop paying her so much. Immediately.

Make the link please - evidence exactly why you think that? Sounds like an nonsensical illogical statement.

Precisely. She chose to have 5 kids. She needs to pay for them.

Yes.
I am disabled.
As are my children
I'm not planning to kill any of us.

I originally wanted 3 children but after my 2nd was born my 1st was dx, then my 2nd was also dx so we chose to not have a third so we could pour everything into the 2 we had. But had they not been dx as young as they were (toddlers) we would have had that third and they probably would have had similar disabilities.

I became disabled later in life, when I already had children. I don't intend to kill myself because I'm disabled. Yes I get very low sometimes, yes its hard but removing myself and/or my children from the world is not the answer. We have the right to exist.

Tbh if you actually became disabled you would probably find it's not the horrendous life not worth having that you seem to think it is. There are so very many different disabilities someone may have and so many of us living decent lives and being happy.

Student finance is based on the assumption that they can work part time around their studies. Your older two children need to look for jobs. Not easy in the current economic climate, but they should at least try. You may have to find part-time work too.

Why dont you think ADHD should classed as a Disabillty?
It is and like other neuro developmental disorders it can vary massivley in how it impacts a person.

You have stopped getting child element for your DC because they are adults and so expected to live under their own steam. Have they applied for the student finance they're entitled to? They may need to give you an amount from this for their keep. Sounds harsh I know, but people who are on means tested benefits can't afford to subsidise their kids through uni.

Hang on. If it wasn't for us, there wouldn't be any benefits to pay. Don't you get it?

UC doesn't require the carer of disabled children eligible for middle/high rate DLA to work.

Do you think that changing that requirement would actually save money?

Agreed