How can we manage financially as Universal Credit support reduces?

[elliejjtiny]

We have 5 dc aged between 19 and 11 all with disabilities. Dh was a manager up until youngest was born, then he became unwell and had to take a massive pay cut. I'm a Sahm and get carers allowance. We get UC. Dc1 in his first year at uni, dc2 about to start in September.

We are just about managing at the moment but barely. In September we are going to lose the child element of universal credit for dc2 and I'm worried how we are going to manage. When the dc were younger I thought I would be working by now but I'm only getting 4 hours sleep a night and my 11 year old needs constant supervision when not at school so I don't know how I could fit work in. Dh has to work away about 15 weekends a year (from friday morning until late Sunday night) which leaves me completely exhausted each time. We spend 9 weekends a year picking up/dropping off/visiting dc1 and I imagine spending the same amount of time with dc2. There is no childcare for children my dc age with SN and they have to be picked up and dropped off at school. The dc have appointments about once a week on average and dc4 stays in hospital about 1 night a year when I don't get any sleep at all.

Realistically I can't think of any employer who would employ me with the amount of time off I would need and on so little sleep. At the moment I spend the time dc are at school doing the housework, cooking the dinner and trying to catch up on a bit of sleep.

I'm trying to think of anywhere we could save money but I can't think of anything. Dc1 doesn't cost any less money while he is at uni.

Maintenance loan often doesn’t even cover the cost of lodgings

Brave? Below the belt, more like. And OP has explained the circumstances behind her DCs' disabilities, not that she was under any obligation to. She started this thread asking for advice, not an annihilation of her life choices.

OP, just to let you know, we're not all as mean-spirited and lacking in basic human compassion as some posters on this thread appear to be, judging by their posts. There's a really vicious, let's-all-punch-down narrative doing the rounds of MN recently, and some people should be thoroughly ashamed of themselves imo.

It's not simply resenting the mess, there will be mums on here grieving the additional children they would have loved to have had but sensibly didn't.
That grief is real and so is the anger that comes with it and an anonymous forum like Mumsnet becomes an outlet for that grief.

Who pays 2300 a month in tax?

This one family must be costing the treasury the tax revenue of a small street.

You could take 10 houses, 5 with working age adults, 3 pensioners, 1 unemployed, 1 students, and their monthly tax contribution combined might just be enough to pay for the OP, her husband and her 5 children...

No wonder all council services near me are closing down. There's almost nothing left...

I dont u understand why you would be receiving any less? I thought until very recently you could only claim UC for two children? So now you will be receiving UC with the added disabled child element for three children which is quite a substantial amount + DLA for three children?

Why did your kids go away to uni Op if things were so tight? They could have stayed more local surely?
we all make choices. I would have loved more children but stopped at 2 as that is what we felt financially comfortable with. If you choose to have more, you have to accept you either earn more or cut your cloth. Money buys choices. The dc shouldn’t have had the choice to move away if you financially could not afford it:

I don’t think anyone is suggesting murdering the OP’s children… But the OP can work and should and it is unsurprising that people who are living under constrained circumstances are wondering why she decided to have so many children that a) she can’t support and b) society may not be able to support longer term when the OP and her DH are no longer here.
In Nazi Germany there wasn’t freely available, reliable contraception or abortion either.
And I’m sorry but I don’t believe anyone could get pregnant if using three forms of contraceptives properly at the same time.

But I didn’t - I was aware personally that something wasn’t right with my son frok an early age
but he didn’t get diagnosed till around 5 - might have been a bit earlier

so no way was I even thinking of having another child while I had one that potentially could need a lot of extra help and time

my neighbor two doors up has a 3 year old who is most likely ND and he’s is exceptionally hard work - I can hear him shouting and screaming when I’m walking up to my house and we live in fairly big detached houses

she’s having another kid - no idea why when all I hear her do is moan about how hard work he is and all he seems to do is scream
can’t put him in nursery as he won’t settle

I just put my music on loud and block out his noise otherwise i would probably say something I might not regret 😂

I think op is strong enough not to gaf about random MN posters, tbh. Aren't you?

Well said.

Totally agree.

Those people who acted responsibly deserve praise and compassion... A lot of compassion, and respect.

People like you are scary.

Which is so strange as when my DP had terminal cancer and was unable to walk they were denied one. Can't tell you how difficult it made hospital appointments (the only place they left the house for).

Even not hidden disabilities. I was convinced there was something unusual about DD1 from days old. I was told I was neurotic, that I was 'being a nurse', and that I was reading too many text books, and that all babies develop differently. When she was falling over a lot, I was told she had an inner ear infection and that she was wearing unsupportive footwear. So I thought that I just wasn't the parent that I always thought I would be.

Only once she was at preschool, when I had 12 month old DD2 and was 6 weeks pregnant with DD3, that staff tried to look after her and found it really difficult did they say 'there's an issue'. Even then, the area Inclusion co-ordinator from the LA awarded 1:1 support but told me that she didn't need a Statement of SEN (the document that was replaced by EHCPs) because she was 'just immature'.

The falling over was epilepsy, and the immaturity was a brain malformation and learning disability. Baby DD3 was 4 weeks old when we got the MRI results. She went to special school and was later diagnosed with ASD at 15, and now at 20 is finishing assessment for ADHD.

DD2 was showing signs of ASD at 18 months. I raised it, dismissed. When she started preschool at 2½, I raised it, dismissed. Any behaviour she showed was dismissed as 'copying DD1'. She was finally diagnosed at 11. Now in special education. Diagnosed with ADHD at 18 despite all the signs being there from preschool up.

DD3 showed signs of something...more vague, could have just been highly strung, but all came to a head at 14. Now diagnosed with ASD, ADHD, OCD and PTSD.

We're only just being told that they think they may have found a genetic cause for DD1's disability, but they aren't sure. She's 20. It's de novo, so we couldn't have avoided it.

A family friend has four adult sons with autism. She has a Facebook page and has written a couple of books. I know she has fought tooth and nail to get the boys’ support. The books might be of help. Her name is Sarah Ziegel.

I didn't say that at all.
I am merely highlighting that suicide rates in disabled people are higher. And that should be considered before having more disabled children.

The 2 child limit came into effect for kids born after April 2017 so all her kids will have been eligible for the child element of UC

Why on earth would you help a child who tried to commit suicide several years ago move to a university four hours away? And why allow assist the child with selective mutism who cannot work to go to university three hours away?

I think that was a massive mistake compounding the mistake of having five children.

Your “adult” kids have to be independent. If they are capable of living away, they will have to support themselves somehow, maybe if they stay in university accommodation during the holidays they can get work locally.

And you have to find work of some kind. Could you be an office cleaner in the evenings?

I have a disability. It isn’t easy and you do face a life of prejudice. Sometimes from your own family.
My parents had no financial support, nor any counselling. Nor did I. It was a case of ‘this is the diagnosis, get on with it’. I did. And have carved out a decent life for myself. I claim nothing despite it impacting on my daily life.
I have not had children myself. My condition is genetic. None of my siblings have it. It did not get fully diagnosed until I was about 11.
I have always worked. I am not looking for a round of applause. But, what I want to say is that life with a disability is not a drain on society. Some people seem to think it is. I have paid more in tax than I care to think about !
People with disabilities are part of society. Often doing jobs that nobody else would want to do.

Her children are here. Reprimanding her for having them is no help to them now. She is at a loss to how she can manage in all sorts of ways. Financial, but also she feels overwhelmed. I do hope she is in touch with organisations related to the disabilities her children have.
But to help with advice financially she does need to give a bit more detail.

Going on the post you quoted and the wording of yours. It absolutely sounded like you agreed with a cull of disabled.

I'd love to have had more than 1 child but it didn't happen for various reasons.

It doesn't mean I'm entitled to be a dickhead.

Hilarious.

People went YEARS for special school places ... and only a fraction of those people get them.

The reality of anyone living on top ups for whatever reason is that they eventually stop. Berating the OP because she's got multiple disabled kids is pointless, its not rocket science. Money pays bills not pride, not morals. Cold hard cash, if top ups are required and available then thats it, its claimed. Berate employers paying shit wages that require top up!
We had 3, were low waged, yes we claimed tax credits, I was a manager in retail!
I knew someone who honestly thought they could claim tax credits, disabled benefits ( DC disabled) until the end of university as its full time education. They had a hell of a shock!

Can you confirm what I've specifically said that led you to believe all disabled people should be culled or murdered? as whatever you've read, you've either misinterpreted, or misread.

I have met people who do think this. And said so without realising I was disabled. They do exist.

That's disgraceful. I'm sorry to hear that was the case.