Should I use savings to cover my share of bills during maternity leave?

[isitlunchtimeyet89]

I’m going on maternity leave soon, for the second time.

The first time, I took a shorter period so I was either on full pay or half pay the entire time. I therefore continued paying my half of mortgage/bills/living expenses as usual. My husband was self employed and his business was badly hit by Covid at the time, but he continued paying his half of all costs too.

This time I am taking a full year. 6 months full pay, 3 months statutory and 3 months unpaid. I’m then taking a lump of accrued annual leave when I go back, so the baby won’t need to go into childcare until he’s 14 months old.

I have been saving up so that I can use my savings to continue to pay my half of the mortgage/bills/living expenses during the low/no pay period. This is quite high (£1650 per month) due to a large mortgage. I was just wondering whether this is normal or whether my husband should be also funding my maternity leave in some way?

This is our last baby so I wanted to take the maximum time with him and also with my daughter, which we both agree is the right decision. We’ve also both had a really tough time the past few years and I in particular have struggled quite a lot mentally/emotionally, so I’m hoping to use the time to get some therapy and hopefully be in a better place before I go back to work. So taking less time isn’t really an option.

He not a stingy person, and is generally pretty generous. We earn a similar amount and split everything equally. We both have our own savings accounts but we don’t really spend large amounts on ourselves, so those savings are mainly for family holidays and future house renovations anyway.

I’m just interested in others’ thoughts on how maternity leave should be funded. Should I be asking him to contribute in some way? Or would you just leave as is?

No! It’s not something you are just doing, your doing it together!

I cannot understand how you can share children and not share finances.

Of course he needs to contribute - and also look at affects in your pension and make it up between you

Wow.

I cannot believe that some people have relationships like this. Talk about female tax!

Finances should be pooled completely IMO. Share children, share finances, especially on maternity leave.

I don't know if this makes me old fashioned but I think your DH should be contributing to what's normally your share whilst you are recovering from birth and looking after a baby that you presumably both planned.

you should both have the same financial impact, because you are both having a child which has affecting both of yours household income.

Start with that as your basis for any financial arrangements you decide on.

If you were a single parent then you’d have no real choice but to cover the shortfall with your own savings, but you aren’t, there are 2 adults in the relationship, both equally responsible for the decision to have another child, both equally responsible for the costs of that decision.

The way you’ve described your financial arrangement sounds more like a house‑share than a marriage.

Jesus. If you weren’t looking after the baby and your daughter you’d have to pay somebody !!

Your husband is an arse.

We earn a similar amount and split everything equally.

So why is he not contributing to the cost of maternity leave? They're his children.

It's mad that you're taking a hit to your savings, your earnings and your pension for his children - and he's not contributing. Those are not one-off short term costs, the lost cumulative growth in the long term is massive.

This is just all wrong, sorry.

This is why the birth rate is declining. Perhaps you can also whip up a nice dinner while you are in the labour ward. Talk about penalising women for being the bringers of life. Every life.

What’s the plan for childcare when you finish mat leave? Is the expectation that you will pay it in full or will that be a joint cost that affects disposable/fun money for both of you?

No.

Absolutely not! Why should you be financially penalised (any more than women usually are with reduced earnings due to bringing up small children/loss of pension etc) whilst your husband whose children they also are carries on as normal with no impact?
You're married. You're meant to be a family, a team. All costs related to children should be split pro rata or pooled.

Sorry, just to clarify - we do have shared finances. We have various joint current accounts and a joint emergency fund. But we each have our own savings (though usually we are saving towards the same things).

So how would you suggest he contribute? By covering my part of the joint expenses for the 6 months when I am on SMP/no pay? I haven’t actually asked him to contribute, and I’m just wondering how other people work this in practice. I don’t think it’s crossed his mind to be honest.

This. If my DH wanted me to pay 50% when I’m on mat leave looking after OUR children, I would be disgusted and LTB.

It's a joint baby. How come you weren't both saving up jointly to fund this leave? How come you are the one who is losing out on everything, including your pension contributions when you're not working.

The onus shouldn't be all on you. If the extended maternity leave is a joint decision, then he's going to have to fund it too.

No. He has to cover it.
You shouldn't be whittling down your savings in maternity leave while he carries on earning and saving.

I honestly find it crazy that women are expected to save from their own income alone in order to cover their reduced earnings while caring for a shared child.

"I don’t think it’s crossed his mind to be honest."

I bet it hasn't. Well, you'd better lay it out there for him pdq then.
FFS, "should he contribute?" I bet he didn't quibble about "contributing" to the conception process

You’re married with children. Why are your finances so separate? It’s really weird.

Whatever comes out of your savings should also come out of his savings. Why would you be the only one expected to save for a shared baby?
He should definitely be paying his share. Which is realistically covering your expenses.

It always amazes me these men conveniently don't think of it themselves 🙄 they go about life unaffected whilst the women are struggling in their wake.

You should have both saved up to cover the shortfall during your maternity leave. It’s a joint expense.

In your set up, you should both be contributing from savings in the short fall of your salary.

Just to add an alternate viewpoint to this...

My company gave me the same mat package.

I fully funded "my half" of expenses for the full 2 x 13m mat leaves which i took across a 3 yr period (went back for 10m in between)

I had to reduce my savings and my pension contributions (but was still contributing 8% matched to 15% on that years earnings).
I was the higher earner and that suited me fine.

My dh does his fair share with the kids these days - hes an equal partner and at the time it would have made him feel stressed if I'd put this on him as he doesnt necessarily view of joint savings (ie my savings) as truly joint (neither do I fully...)

The way we always worked it was we both kicked in 50/50 to a joint acc for day to day. We did when he was a lower earner (ie I could save a lot more)

My point is while every woman shouldn't be doing this and YES its unorthodox
... yes it impacted "my" savings and pension plans slightly, but it worked for us.
We have a harmonious life and in 5 yrs he may well be earning more than me

Of course you shouldn’t be using your savings!! This is utterly mad. As soon as you have children, and one of you takes a salary cut to do the childcare, any income should go in one pot. Isn’t that obvious?