Should I use savings to cover my share of bills during maternity leave?

[isitlunchtimeyet89]

I’m going on maternity leave soon, for the second time.

The first time, I took a shorter period so I was either on full pay or half pay the entire time. I therefore continued paying my half of mortgage/bills/living expenses as usual. My husband was self employed and his business was badly hit by Covid at the time, but he continued paying his half of all costs too.

This time I am taking a full year. 6 months full pay, 3 months statutory and 3 months unpaid. I’m then taking a lump of accrued annual leave when I go back, so the baby won’t need to go into childcare until he’s 14 months old.

I have been saving up so that I can use my savings to continue to pay my half of the mortgage/bills/living expenses during the low/no pay period. This is quite high (£1650 per month) due to a large mortgage. I was just wondering whether this is normal or whether my husband should be also funding my maternity leave in some way?

This is our last baby so I wanted to take the maximum time with him and also with my daughter, which we both agree is the right decision. We’ve also both had a really tough time the past few years and I in particular have struggled quite a lot mentally/emotionally, so I’m hoping to use the time to get some therapy and hopefully be in a better place before I go back to work. So taking less time isn’t really an option.

He not a stingy person, and is generally pretty generous. We earn a similar amount and split everything equally. We both have our own savings accounts but we don’t really spend large amounts on ourselves, so those savings are mainly for family holidays and future house renovations anyway.

I’m just interested in others’ thoughts on how maternity leave should be funded. Should I be asking him to contribute in some way? Or would you just leave as is?

Well, if you are using your savings for bills, then he needs to reimburse you for all the childcare you do. It's really expensive to have a newborn if you are working - has he looked at how much it would be to pay for a nanny for as many hours as your maternity leave?!

You would end up far better off if you did split the costs - but if you do it, only do it if you are billing him for your time spent looking after the baby.

Shared finances are the way to go. It’s his baby too. Why should you use your savings. Actually why should you need your own savings. This must be the modern way as there are so many posts nowadays like this. If you are a family there should be one pot. You work as a team and agree things as you go along. When you ask if he should fund your mat leave you make it sound like he’s sending you on a cruise while he works. You’re raising his children. Honestly I despair sometimes.

Now you are a family unit why are you acting like flatmates,financially.
I honestly dont get it.
Over the years ive earned more or Dh has earned more but we've never expected the other to pay half especially if they arent earning at full capacity.
It has always been our money, our bills, not nit picking about who pays half even if you have to go into savings.

Usually DH and I keep equal (small) amounts of personal spending money in our own accounts each month then everything else goes into our joint account to cover life. He pays in more than me as he earns more.

When I went on maternity leave both times we did it all beforehand. Worked out what I would get each month and how much less I’d be able to contribute and we adjusted it accordingly. A bit of cutting back, a bit of saving in advance, a bit less personal spending each and him putting more into the joint account. It took quite a bit of advance planning to make it balance as we have very little excess each month.

This x 💯

Of course he should contribute.....how is that even a question

Sure - then charge him 50% of the childcare and housekeeping… and a % for lost earning potential and pension contributions

"with my worldly goods I thee endow"

He shouldn’t have to cover all of it. If you keep savings separate then both your savings need to take the same hit, not just his and not just yours.

No, absolutely not! If it's generally a fairly even split in terms of income and 50/50 on bills, just fully combined your income. All income into the joint account, then you each get a set amount of spending money per month and a set amount into savings and investments. That's the only fair way to do it when you have kids.

It makes no sense at all for one partner (usually the woman) to take the hit to finances to care for shared children. He will benefit hugely from you being at home with the kids. Not only is there savings on childcare, but I'll bet you will do the majority of cooking and housework too. So, while he's living a lovely life being well looked after and not even having to think about how his children are cared for, your savings are suffering?

On top of that, you're not getting pension contributions and will no doubt lose out on promotions and opportunities to increase your income due to maternity leave then not being able to work extra hours because you have to leave work in time to pick the kids up from childcare.

It's a strong no from me. When we had kids, my husband was the one who suggested we just have a joint account and each get the same spending money per month. I didn't have to ask or fight him for it. I wasn't going to have an income, so I don't really see there would have been any other option.

Is your husband the father of this baby?

Or did you conceive it all by yourself?

Ffs feminism has done a right number on women when we appear to have reached a stage where married women don't think their husbands should support the family while they are looking after young children.

Your husband is a pathetic excuse of a man for this to even be an option.

And you have been well and truly duped if you can't see the madness of it.

We have shared finances and our own current account that we get the same amount of money in each month that can be spent however we like, because it isn’t allocated to anything else (not needed for bills or groceries, or savings etc).

When I was on maternity leave, we arranged it in exactly the same way. We went through what our combine income would be, took out bills etc, split what was left. We had less spending money between us, and less went into savings.
If it was a situation where money had to come out of savings to cover the mat leave, it wouldn’t really have mattered where it came from. We do have a couple of savings accounts but it’s all considered joint money. We’d still have both had equal spending money (and I wouldn’t have had to cover baby expenses out of mine, that would have been considered separately and put in the joint account).

Not what you asked as others have given you opinions on that. But from a practical point of view would your employer spread your mat leave payments equally over the 12 months. Im public sector and was able to do this and was much easier for budgeting generally rather than dropping to nothing. Plus may avoid paying higher tax in one tax year than another depending on when your baby is born and tax thresholds

Erm so I asked him if we could split my usual contribution to joint expenses 50/50 during the unpaid/SMP months and he said that’s fine. He’s not a bad guy, he just doesn’t think ahead so hadn’t really thought about how we’d split things.

To those saying to combine all accounts, different strokes for different folks I guess. Having separate accounts works well for us and we’ve never had any issues ☺️ largely because neither of us are big spenders and we tend to save for family/house related things anyway so it all goes the same way in the end.

Is there a reason you've not asked him to cover it all during your unpaid months at least? Because nothing you've said suggests he'd have a problem with that.

ANOTHER thread where an OP posts with a dilemma about the (not so good) behaviour of her partner/husband..... Then when some posters come on and say the behaviour is not good, she starts to defend him, making excuses for him, and saying 'oh ha ha don't be silly you lot. He's lovely really, and it's all FINE!!!!!'

Nothing to see here.

.

"He just doesn't think ahead" 😮?!
Why not? He's an adult, a husband and a parent. Haven't you planned and discussed all this?

I think you're starting this from the wrong place/question.

Sit down together and calculate your household income during each phase from now through your return to work. That will include his wages plus your mat leave pay (this is why you'll need to do it separately for each phase - current, then full leave pay, then statutory, then use of leave and your return to work). Then lay out all household (joint and child) expenses and a reasonable personal spending pot for each of you. Figure out what the shortfall will be both monthly and cumulatively during the reduced pay period.

You are jointly responsible for covering that shortfall between the total household income and your total household expenses. Agree on a plan to do that in this order:
-Reduce household expenses and both of your personal spending pots now and during your initial maternity leave to add to an extra joint mat-leave savings pot
-Further reduce household expenses and personal spending during the reduced income period
-Pull from joint savings, up to an agreed-upon amount that still leaves you with an emergency fund
-Both of your pull from your individual savings only once the first three options have been done

You're not done. You need an agreement/understanding on two more things:
-The plan for replenishing depleted savings after you return to work from your combined income pot
-How much (or little) leave you will have to use when you do return to work (since you're planning on using up a stock) and how emergency and planned childcare needs will be covered

But where did I say he was a bad guy or refusing to contribute? I asked whether it’s the norm for him to contribute and asked for advice on how this normally works in practice. I said from the outset that he’s not stingy and generally a generous person 🤷🏻‍♀️

Our first experience of maternity leave was totally different as he was earning less than my maternity pay (and also home the majority of the time splitting childcare) due to the impact of COVID on his business.

@isitlunchtimeyet89

I said from the outset that he’s not stingy and generally a generous person 🤷🏻‍♀️

Kindly @isitlunchtimeyet89 I think you are kidding yourself..........

.

Would that be fair though? If we’re coming from the principle that we are jointly funding my maternity leave as equal partners? If he funds all of my portion (which would need to be from his savings) that seems unequal, just in the other direction?

I can't imagine why a man wouldn't contribute!
You're going to need to plan this one.
There's good advice from @GravyBoatWars .

Thanks for this, this is really
helpful 👍🏻

Why do you think that's unequal? Do you see pregnancy, childbirth and childcare as something for which you have responsibility more than him?

Sounds like you got inseminated by your flatmate. Jokes apart... I would go 50-50 with him (bills wise) but then invoice him for child care. Why should you provide your partner all this free labour? If he treats his family as a transactional arrangement then you should do the same.