Should I use savings to cover my share of bills during maternity leave?

[isitlunchtimeyet89]

I’m going on maternity leave soon, for the second time.

The first time, I took a shorter period so I was either on full pay or half pay the entire time. I therefore continued paying my half of mortgage/bills/living expenses as usual. My husband was self employed and his business was badly hit by Covid at the time, but he continued paying his half of all costs too.

This time I am taking a full year. 6 months full pay, 3 months statutory and 3 months unpaid. I’m then taking a lump of accrued annual leave when I go back, so the baby won’t need to go into childcare until he’s 14 months old.

I have been saving up so that I can use my savings to continue to pay my half of the mortgage/bills/living expenses during the low/no pay period. This is quite high (£1650 per month) due to a large mortgage. I was just wondering whether this is normal or whether my husband should be also funding my maternity leave in some way?

This is our last baby so I wanted to take the maximum time with him and also with my daughter, which we both agree is the right decision. We’ve also both had a really tough time the past few years and I in particular have struggled quite a lot mentally/emotionally, so I’m hoping to use the time to get some therapy and hopefully be in a better place before I go back to work. So taking less time isn’t really an option.

He not a stingy person, and is generally pretty generous. We earn a similar amount and split everything equally. We both have our own savings accounts but we don’t really spend large amounts on ourselves, so those savings are mainly for family holidays and future house renovations anyway.

I’m just interested in others’ thoughts on how maternity leave should be funded. Should I be asking him to contribute in some way? Or would you just leave as is?

It’s not ‘his’ money to contribute. It’s a joint marital asset.

If one income is reduced to care for your (joint) children then it’s a cost you have to bear as a couple.

It should all come out of a joint account and you should ensure you both have equal spending money as individuals.

if you end up contributing your savings for basic family living costs while he has no change to his spending and savings, that is bordering on financial abuse.

Show him this thread. His ignorance is no defence.

You are a family.
You are both equally responsible for the care of your dc.
Indeed, when you love someone, you should also think about the care of your partner.

Have all income into the family go into the one pot, then pay all the things that need to go out of the family pot out of that.
If you are lucky enough to have some spare, then each of you should get the same amount of personal spending money, and you have discussions about savings and where you might BOTH economise whilst income is reduced.

Send him an invoice for 50%of the childcare you will be doing for his dc...
Let him see precisely what he needs to be coughing up!!

I think that, as others have said, finances should be pooled! You chose to have children together, you therefore tackle the finances and everything else that comes with children, together.

The baby is equally both of yours. Your personal savings should be equally depleted (in real terms if you have a big income disparity).

This is so weird OP. Just pool everything. Then there's no mine and yours.

'My share of the bills'

You're not housemates girl!

How would he feel if you told him he could take 3 months unpaid leave to look after his children, & fund "his share" of bills ftom "his" savings?

You don’t think it’s crossed his mind to financially contribute more when you’re looking after your joint children and he is the only one earning an income?!?

utterly baffling.

I would say I had the opposite when I took mat leave with my first. What ‘didn’t cross our minds’ was that I would be contributing financially any more. Of course I wouldn’t be!

NO, you are working, you are caring for his child, after having grown it in your belly, he should be paying you.

All our income went ino a joint account from when we first started living together and all the bills were paid from that. We both also had solo accounts, which we topped up as necessary. I wasn't contributing during my maternity leave but I still withdrew money for myself. I honestly can't understand a marriage (with a child and another on the way) where something similar wouldn't be automatic.

You’re married op. You have joint children.

the way that most people would do it is all income in one pot. Bills, child stuff all out. If there’s money left over, happy days, you can either split it in to equal savings or equal spends. Some people like the equal fun money in to a separate individual account, some don’t bother. Whatever he contributes to his pension, the same amount should also be going in to yours, a private one whilst you’re not working.

You shouldn't be using your savings. You should be pooling your money, paying everything and then spliting what's left so you both have equal fun money. You made this baby together. You need to fund raising them together. You shouldn't have to bare the financial responsibility. You will already be taking the hit to your career, progression, pension, social life and probably be doing the majority of the housework, parenting and admin..

Well I used savings to fund my mat leave. We couldn't pay all the bills if I hadn't.

Yes I agree. I have never got this 'your money-my money' malarkey when a couple is married, and having children together! Imagine being the main earner, and your wife has to earn less for a while to have the baby you both chose to have together, and you make her still pay half of everything, with her meagre income?! So meagre that she has to use savings to keep up with the bills.

Seriously, I could not be with a man like this, let alone have children with him... Sorry @isitlunchtimeyet89 I just couldn't. Your DH should be supporting you, and paying more for stuff because he is bringing more money in.

SO many women just take so much crap from men - it's utterly depressing! Sometimes, it feels like we have not moved on one single inch in 100 years!

Couldn’t the father have saved towards bills too?

Good question!

Your maternity arrangement is saving your husband the extra cost of childcare.
That's a big saving - for him.

He needs to contribute to the cost of you not working so that you are both treated equally.

If you are not working, you are not earning - that's a cost to you.

If you use your savings to pay your half of the mortgage that's another cost to you (but happily no impact to him).

I'd work out how much it would cost to fund full-time childcare for the length of time you will not be receiving full pay, the impact to your pension, the impact to your savings, etc and the amount he should contribute should leave you exactly where you would be if you returned to work on full-pay and both of you split childcare costs and actual childcare in evenings, weekends etc.

You can add in extra if you will also be saving your husband money on childcare for your first child and split every additional spend relating to your children 50/50.

Set up an excel file to track it - it adds up very very quickly.

This. What a ludicrous approach to your relationship OP. You are literally risking your life to have his baby and planning on depleting your savings to look after his children to boot. Why on earth do women accept and perpetuate this nonsense? You’re either married or not. Have another read of the marriage vows you took.

In the same token, has your DH had the same opportunity to take paternity leave?

No, you don't.
Shared finances would be everything that you both earn going into one account. That account then pays your combined bills, savings, living expenses and fun money (directly or via sinking funds). There would be no his money or your money.
There would not be a 'your part of the joint expenses'. There would just be joint expenses.
Any separate savings accounts you would have would exist because the highest interest/most tax efficient accounts you choose don't exist as joint accounts, but you think of them as 'our savings' not 'his/my savings'

This sort of division of money of in a marriage is madness. It's like couples are planning to divorce, but in the event of a divorce everything would be seen jointly anyway. It just makes life so very complicated. And it's always the woman who is poorer because on top of her half of the joint expenses, she covers the day to day kids' expenses. This on top of her earning less because her career took a hit because she's doing most of the childcare.

You ask how he should contribute OP? He has his wages and you have your maternity pay paid into your joint account. You pay all the bills from that account. You sit down together and work out how much you can afford to save each month. Then divide that by 2 and each set up a direct debit for that amount into each of your ISAs. You use the remaining amount in the account for everything else.

It’s a joint decision, it’s a joint expense. You’re a family, why do you have ‘your’ money and ‘his’ money at all?

What would he say if you asked “how are we going to deal with the joint account when I’m on mat leave” this should all be a joint decision.
using savings is fine, as long as his savings as seen equally as yours.

You shouldn't be dipping into your savings. You should pay according to your income.

This is his child too, he's supposed to contribute too.

I still find this bizarre to be honest. To me the point of marriage is partnership and equity.

My wife and I combine all our income, decide how much to spend and save each month, and give ourselves the same amount of mad money for whatever we want to spend on ourselves guilt free. All savings amounts are the same and completely equal. I just could not spend my life totting up who should contribute to X, Y, Z and how much etc etc. It’s a marriage - we’re not housemates.