Should I use savings to cover my share of bills during maternity leave?

[isitlunchtimeyet89]

I’m going on maternity leave soon, for the second time.

The first time, I took a shorter period so I was either on full pay or half pay the entire time. I therefore continued paying my half of mortgage/bills/living expenses as usual. My husband was self employed and his business was badly hit by Covid at the time, but he continued paying his half of all costs too.

This time I am taking a full year. 6 months full pay, 3 months statutory and 3 months unpaid. I’m then taking a lump of accrued annual leave when I go back, so the baby won’t need to go into childcare until he’s 14 months old.

I have been saving up so that I can use my savings to continue to pay my half of the mortgage/bills/living expenses during the low/no pay period. This is quite high (£1650 per month) due to a large mortgage. I was just wondering whether this is normal or whether my husband should be also funding my maternity leave in some way?

This is our last baby so I wanted to take the maximum time with him and also with my daughter, which we both agree is the right decision. We’ve also both had a really tough time the past few years and I in particular have struggled quite a lot mentally/emotionally, so I’m hoping to use the time to get some therapy and hopefully be in a better place before I go back to work. So taking less time isn’t really an option.

He not a stingy person, and is generally pretty generous. We earn a similar amount and split everything equally. We both have our own savings accounts but we don’t really spend large amounts on ourselves, so those savings are mainly for family holidays and future house renovations anyway.

I’m just interested in others’ thoughts on how maternity leave should be funded. Should I be asking him to contribute in some way? Or would you just leave as is?

OP It’s never going to seem fair to those of us that have joint income and expenses. My DH and I have a shared account. All income regardless of who earns it is household income so when on mat leave our ‘household’ income was reduced and we planned financially together.

It’s really difficult for anyone who shares everything to think of a logical solution to your problem. So you’re always going to be met with cries of it being unfair.

No, because he didn't have enough money.

Yes, I think this is a reasonable point. However, if you choose to live like this, OP, you're going to need some better financial planning.

It’s crazy isn’t it? So many women on threads like this need to have another read of their marriage vows - what’s the point of marriage if it’s not an equal partnership?

I always wonder how couples who split finances like this deal with redundancy, illness etc. How does “yours” and “mine” work then I wonder?

Yes, it must be tricky. In family life all sorts of things can happen. So if you operate at individuals, it must get complicated, especially with children in the mix.

My maternity pay is/was terrible compared to yours, mine was 6 weeks full pay, 6 weeks at 50% and then the rest statutory. When we first found out our second was on the way we both started saving from our salaries into a maternity account so we’d accrued around £20k by the time my mat leave started. Throughout the 8 months I’ve currently been off my partner has continued to pay between £1,500-£2,000 an month into this account so this is basically what I’ve been dipping into to cover everything. It’s meant that I’ve been able to take an extended mat leave of 18 months and we always thought this was a fair way to contribute! Anything that’s left over at the end when I return to work we’ll probably use for a little holiday somewhere

He IS a stingy person. It's appalling behaviour.

It's unfair that part-timers or SAHP are financially penalised by their higher-earning partners when it's they who are facilitating that partner's ability to work full-time by taking care of the children and running the home.
Yet we see it time and time again on here - (invariably) women feeling as if they're being grabby for "asking" their partners for money and (invariably) blokes regarding the money as theirs because they happen to swan off in a suit each morning.
There are three "jobs" that need covering in a family: earning money, taking care of the children day-to-day and running the home (plus leisure time, which should be equally balanced between the two of you). Our view was that it didn't matter who did which as long as we both valued the other's role. So, all monies went into joint accounts (with individual "pocket money" accounts for each of us where we didn't have to justify to the other what we spent) and it's worked like a dream BECAUSE we both have similar views on spending. I can see how it might be different if one of the two is a spendthrift and the other tight, or with blended families.

Equal partnership can look different on different scenarios though.

Lots of people here assuming that OPs other half could fund her mat leave if he chose to and that he's choosing not to put more in to the pot.

I used savings to fund my first mat leave because I had excess to save prior to going on mat leave where as DH did not.

My second mat leave we extended our mortgage because we had enough to add £190 on to the mortgage but not enough between us to cover the bills. If I went on mat leave tomorrow, DHs salary is now sufficient to meet our outgoings and expenses and he would do it.

None of those scenarios are us not being a team, not being an equal partnership any more than another is.

There is a lot of “I” in your examples which is where the difference lies. When finances are truly shared and everything is in one pot and distributed evenly, then it’s not a case of one person not having enough savings or a lower salary etc. It’s about “can we afford to have another child?” Every penny of income should be shared and distributed evenly, then there will be none of this negotiation of who can afford what and when. I couldn’t live my life treating my marriage like a business transaction to be constantly negotiated.

whether my husband should be also funding my maternity leave in some way?

not if this isn't his child - why would he?

the father of the child should be paying up - childcare, nursing, clothing, roof over their head all needs paying for. These men that think woman can have a baby and sit back earn their wage and not put in any money for the actual child are pretty dismal

When I had my two kids and had a year's maternity leave with each I did continue to pay my 50% of all outgoings - but I was the higher wage earner and had more savings too. TBH over the 22 years we've been together our wages have fluctuated so much between each other that we view it all as 'ours' anyway. We have separate bank accounts as well as one joint and just move money between them as and when one of us has more. When we've inherited bits of money we've even shared each other's ISA allowance to max them out across the two of us.

I don't understand this. If he could go 50/50 on the pregnancy and labour maybe..?! Then subsequent childcare while youre on ML. I must be really old fashioned as I just don't understand the "share of bills" part of this.

That's doesn't make sense, you either share finances or you dont

So either all money goes in the pot and all bills, child expenses comes out and you both get the same spends or

Well your not sharing finances

We don’t have his and hers money we have our money. We pool our resources for the family.

of course he should be contributing to the children he created

The fairest way would be to split the household expenses in proportion to income. So whilst you are on full pay its 50/50 when you are on half pay 75/25 and on next to nothing say 90/10. If his salary isn't enough to cover everything then you both contribute from your savings to make up the shortfall, probably equally.

I think it is fair that you pay 50% of the bills, as long as he goes 50/50 on growing another human and pushing him/her into the world.
Crazy he thinks its ok for you to spend your savings while recovering from birth and looking after his child, while his life doesn't change at all!

Aren't you doing your share by the significant impact on your body and mental health to growing, delivering and looking after a baby full time? What's the value of that? What about the value lost on your pension of you taking leave from work? On your career?

as he’s self employed what would happen if he didn’t earn for 3 months. Does he have insurance to cover if he’s sick and can’t work? Would he cover out of his savings or joint savings or would you cover?

as he’s self employed what would happen if he didn’t earn for 3 months. Does he have insurance to cover if he’s sick and can’t work? Would he cover out of his savings or joint savings or would you cover?