No money at all

[AngelaBB]

My husband retired in August, I have been retired two years. He didn’t talk to me about retiring , just came home and said he had talked to HR and never went back to work.
He is hopeless with money, I gave to run everything and I find it exhausting. He hadn’t bothered to sort out his pension, although he told me that he had and just left it, we now have no money at all. He has finally sent the forms in but has been told that it will take at least six weeks to all come through. I have no money at all, used my overdraft facility and credit cards maxed out. He expects me to sort it out but I don’t know how. There literally is nothing in the pot. He can live like this but I can’t, he thinks I’m over reacting and it’ll all work out but I’ve had enough. Am I being unreasonable?

Don't worry too much; it is unlikely to take the six weeks even though providers do state this. I just claimed three private pensions (which I do understand are not the same as a workplace pension), and all were paid into my bank within ten days from asking for the funds. I just hope he has sent in everything they need as it was quite a list for one of them, though the other two asked for barely anything.

You could, if very worried, ask him to phone up in your presence just to check they have all that they need.

Edited to suggest that if you have a good credit score, you could apply for a small loan and it would pay out tomorrow if you go for one of the mainstream lenders whose process is all online.

In the UK, the State Pension age is rising to 67 for men and women born between 6 April 1961 and 5 April 1977.

If OP's DH is 67, he will have been born in 1959 or 1960 so his State Pension age is 66.

Someone 67 now will have reached state retirement age when they were 66.

SR age is currently 66 but changes to 67 in May this year.

I know. Thought I was getting mine at 60!

Well if they don't try, they'll never know one way or the other.

Yep Me too , until the Day I walked into work back in the mid 80s , to find those born just A YEAR before Me could retire at 60 and didn't they gloat about it .. I had had no idea.

ND is a distinct possibility. My Ex H, diagnosed autistic, was like this due to his expression of ND.

I was told I could! I did actually but it grinds my gears that I need to wait 7 more years than I was promised for the SP.

How does that help to put food on the table right now?

Not to derail either but can 100% can do all the work, timesheets/billing zero chance it’s awful. So from the description could totally see a neuro divergent person doing this

It will help you understand this in the long run. If ND is in play it’s not going to disappear because it’s inconvenient.

Short term

food banks
friends/family
speak with bill providers
speak with citizens advice

Why would I need to understand? It’s performative nonsense. She needs help, not excuses for her selfish husband.

Words fail me.

67 year old woman told to get a cleaning job.

Dickhead man being excused as neuro divergent.

And the "what did you think would happen" posts - err probably that Op's husband would work until he took was able to claim a pension for starters

“You” was generic. Do you think he isn’t ND or do you just think people with ND are simply selfish (in which case I have no words)

What's wrong with suggestion that if OP has no money at all and that is what she states she tries to get a cleaning job ? These are very often part time and paid cash. Along with visit to Citizens Advice suggestion to help her with debts and Food Bank referral. Before criticising you think of some solutions for OP.

I don’t care. This isn’t a thread about ND people. It’s a thread about the predicament the OPs partner has left her in financially. Stop derailing it!

She gave up her work due to ill health. However, if anyone should get a “cleaning” job it should be her partner as he’s the only one with zero income.

He could be neurodivergent but equally he could just be lazy and useless and expecting OP to sort everything out for him. Or he could have been fired for something and is keeping it secret. Lots of possibilities. The assumption that anyone who has done a rubbish job of something must be neurodivergent is getting very tedious.

I’m AuDHD but I still manage to run my finances and not walk out of my job. Neurodivergence makes things harder but it doesn’t make us all useless arseholes!

I know someone else mentioned it but I’d also recommend moneysavingexpert- the weekly email and the forums are great for tips. The ‘old style’ forum is great too. Do you have anything you can sell in the meantime until the pension comes in? I’m sorry you are carrying this stress and worry alone, you shouldn’t be x

What about Op's husband getting the cleaning job?

Can you go and talk with your local Citizens Advice Bureau? They'd be able to signpost you to local support and practical next steps. Go together. That way it's not all on you.

It sounds like a really stressful situation.

Can you and he sit down with a spreadsheet of all expected costs for the year ahead in a household budget: rent/mortgage, utilities, council tax etc, food & groceries, travel etc so that he can see - like actually see with his eyes - the numbers that are needed for just your baseline survival.

Then show how much your pension coming in is - and how much money is missing from what you need.

Then how much his pension coming in is - at the moment sweet FA.

Just some really stark VISUALS.

The best thing to do is ask for help NOW, I know it's stressful if he's someone who buries his head in the sand but he needs to see what the impact is this year, next year, in a decade etc.

Oh and also - please get along to your local foodbank and any other local charities and organisations who can help, the one I volunteer with can help with food - both to take home to cook and to have a free warm meal at our cafe, clothes, laundry, a warm space, free talking therapy, social groups. It sounds like this will be the first time you've found yourself with nothing so it can be scary to ask for help but please please do.

Same with any bills you know are coming up - are there any that can be delayed if you're open about a delay in your husband's pension - any payment plans etc.

IME, if somebody unexpectedly 'retires' following a meeting with HR it means they had little choice in the matter. No idea if that's the case with OP's DH but it can certainly happen that way. Not excusing the passivity and deceit since but it may have been just as much of a shock to him as it was to you OP.

Yes but if he worked there 2 years he would get a payout. Except if he did something very bad.