Am I in big trouble??

[Bigcoat1]

Hi Everyone,

i think I might be in big trouble. My mum passed recently. For the last 4 or 5 years I held power of attorney and handled all of her financial affairs. We never had a formal diagnosis of dementia etc, however she became Increasingly confused so I just took over.
mum was quite well off with around 150k in savings, an income of 2k per month and a mortgage free home. My finances have been difficult since my divorce.
On a few occasions I borrowed from mom’s account when I was desperate. I always paid the money back asap. I never discussed this with mum although I know she she would have consented.
her affairs are now being looked over as part of private etc and I’m terrified that this roll come to light and I’ll be in huge trouble.
I know I can’t undo what’s been done, but what should I expect to happen?

Who do you think is "looking over her affairs" if you are the executor?

I was mum's poa and executor, but noone "looked over her affairs", I just submitted amounts on the appropriate forms to HMRC and paid the inheritance tax.

You shouldn't really have done it, because as poa your job is to do what is in the individual's best interests, which isn't the same as "what they would have done". But you've paid it back, noone is coming after you.

And even if the sum hasn't been paid back, as long as all sums are correctly declared to HMRC and other beneficiaries receive their correct share of the estate taking into account any money received in advance, nobody will care.

I suspect that either OP has outsourced her duties to an accountant or solicitor

or

less like, there is a random check by HMRC on the estate.

Neither will be interested in this piddling £250, they would only be interested in totals for IHT ie gifts, account totals at death etc..

As long as you paid it back.

Don’t get yourself into further trouble by admitting anything. Just say she offered to lend money but it was always repaid.

Whilst it’s good you have paid the money back (and deemed other money a gift) I think this is very deceitful.

elder financial abuse is rife & you are 100% abusing your ability to access your parents’ financial account. You say your sibling isn’t involved but I would guess they know you have been dipping into your joint parents money and will potentially (and rightly imho) judge you harshly for your behaviour.

If your DM didn’t have a formal diagnosis of Alzheimer’s or had failed capacity tests then she leant you the money. Also she’s allowed to give away 3k per year.

Exactly, she never formally lost capacity, the OP was using the POA for convenience when looking after an elderly parent, as is commonly done, but in law OPs mum was still in the driving seat.

It was a loan end of

I don't see why, if any money not repaid is taken into account when the assets of the estate are divided between beneficiaries.

If her sibling knew this action was being taken and had access to presumably interest free loans from his parent too (and instructed or agreed by the parent) then yes it could be considered to be less deceitful

as it stands she has taken money, not hers and used it in a way that was not for the benefit of her parent. That is the definition of POA elder financial abuse

she is just trying to cover her tracks now and anyone thinking this is an appropriate way to manage someone else’s money should not be made POA for anyone.

Some people on this thread need a sense of proportion.

The OP paid the money back, nobody will care.

It would be a lot more of an issue, if, as with one of my mum's friends, her daughter started raiding her father's account while he was still alive (the parents were divorced) and is keeping the money away from her own son who is one of the heirs. My mum's friend is now considering getting a solicitor involved to protect her grandson's interests. I do think there need to be better checks on POAs.

I wouldn't sweat it. It wasn't right but it has happened. It is a small amount outstanding and although not in this case, could be reasonable to deem it "petty cash" for groceries or trips to a coffee shop.

My advice is to put this to one side. Ignore the negative posts. Torturing yourself over what has or might happen (about a small amount of cash) isn't worth the worry. Dont we live in the now? x

I had a POA for my dad and he didn't have dementia, he just couldn't manage things himself. He would have been perfectly capable of telling me what I could and couldn't spend his money on!

I’m sure that for the small amounts specified and the fact it was paid back, will mean you won’t get into trouble op. Just maintain that it was usual behaviour for your mum to loan you money and you pay back asap, and you’d agreed this to continue with your mum so thought it would be ok.

It's £250

If the sibling isn't very involved in the parent's care, then it's quite possible that they have saved far more than that by just not incurring incidental expenses.

she is just trying to cover her tracks now

There is no evidence of this.

I look after my mum, I spend that sought of money on disabled aids, incontinence products, paying the cleaner etc in a few weeks - no way this will cause trouble unless OP talks herself into a corner.

But, as she's executor, I'm still not sure who is scrutinising her.

As long as you paid it back, then no worries.

How will they know you didn't ask?. Stop worrying.

We had a solicitor do probate for my father’s estate and they weren’t remotely interested in bank transactions, nor were HMRC. Basically all we needed were totals from accounts. And his was a complicated estate above IHT levels that they sent an independent valuer out for to review the value of the house.
I know people who have had relatives persuade their relatives to alter wills before they died and who helped themselves to thousands of ££s and nothing was done.

And as someone else who has just lost their mum, I think the way some of you are speaking to the OP is absolutely thoughtless and you should be ashamed of yourselves.

I agree.

I agree as well.

Thank you for all of the posts. To clarify, there was a typo in my original post- if should have said probate. it’s not being looked at by anyone else

Have you applied for probate? Did they ask for bank statements (they certainly didn’t when we applied)? If not, how will anyone ever know?

Note, I’m not condoning what you did, but I can’t see that you will be in any trouble.

A cousin of mine stole tens of thousands from my grandmother she was supposedly looking after. Nothing happened. This was theft.
You had a loan for small amounts. Are you the only beneficiary?

Then you have absolutely nothing to worry about. You have been overthinking this for a long time. You need to let go of it. You're fine.

Two weeks before my mother died, knowing that her death would be very soon, my brother and I discussed her funeral (she'd been wanting us to take it a funeral plan for her but we hadn't yet done it). So we agreed without discussing it with her, to take out several thousand pounds to pay for her funeral. That money enabled is to pay for the funeral without any complications.

Consequently her bank statement would have shown a withdrawal of that amount, paid directly to me, obviously with no context.
A solicitor managed probate for us, and that withdrawal was never mentioned by them or by HMRC.

You need not have any concerns about that small loan.