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Original poster

Is this acceptable?

128 replies

Pooraschurchmouse · 22/01/2005 12:54

I am a regular Mner but I have changed my name for this as I am rather ashamed.

Money is very, very tight for us right now, but ds is a popular boy and gets invited to lots of parties (sometimes weekly). When money is more abundant, I would tend to spend £5 on a present or a bit more if I knew the child better or knew specifically what they wanted. The other day, I found Tesco were selling a nice tin of 100 marbles for only 80 something pence. It doesn't look that cheap though. My question is, do you think I could give that as a present to a child who is having a party next week? I do not know who he is at all, let alone his mother, but I am worried she will shop in Tesco and know how cheap my present is. Does that matter? Should I buy something else to go with the marbles? If so, what?

OP posts:
doggiewalker · 22/01/2005 12:57

I think this is a perfectly acceptable present, especially as you do not know the boy terribly well. The cost of presents gets totally out of hand. If you want to add something else, buy some felt tips and a colouring book or note book, but there is no need to feel ashamed at all. It shouldn't be about who buys who what should it?

jampots · 22/01/2005 13:00

I wouldnt worry at all - its very likely you could have bought it when it was full price anyway. I am all for bargains, the cheaper the better. Also fully agree that the present thing gets out of hand completely.

Rowlers · 22/01/2005 13:00

You have found a nice present for a little boy who will undoubtedly not consider how much it cost. His mum may shop in Tesco, she may not. If your DS is a well-behaved, helpful, polite child, especially at the party, I'm sure she'll remember that above the 80p marbles. If she doesn't, that's her problem.
And you have nothing to be ashamed about at all. Don't be daft now lady.
And I hope your financial situation improves soon!

Blossomhill · 22/01/2005 13:00

I agree with Doogie walker. Go into the pound shop or wilkinsons and get some felt pens and a colouring book. Should only cost you another pound.
I know how you feel as we are in a similar position st the moment. January is always a nightmare month for us!

jampots · 22/01/2005 13:04

also you could forget to put on a gift tag so as long as the child remembers seeing your ds with a gift he's not necessarily going to remember what came from who

Original poster
Pooraschurchmouse · 22/01/2005 13:05

Thanks for reassurance. Jampots, that is it's full price, not discounted. It is very embarrassing for me because to meet me, you might not realise I was in such financial difficulties, and I don't want the mother to think I am being stingy.

OP posts:
jampots · 22/01/2005 13:06

well poorasachurchmouse 10/10 for locating the best present for the least money Am off to Tesco to stock up!

ScummyMummy · 22/01/2005 13:08

I think it's fine too- it sounds like a great present which any child would be delighted with. Ikwym about being worried the parent would know how much it cost and mind, tho. It's so hard to know what people will take offence at, isn't it? I think I'd be inclined to buy up a load of marbles and use them in a few weeks time when people have forgotten the price!

I think doggiewalker's idea of colouring book and pens is great if you're chicken like me.

Original poster
Pooraschurchmouse · 22/01/2005 13:10

Well if you find them Jampots, I hope you will agree with me that they don't look as though they cost 80 something pence! I must admit I was astonished when I saw them.

OP posts:
SPARKLER1 · 22/01/2005 13:13

Don't feel ashamed. It's definitely the thought that counts. It's the child you should think about and they are going to be well excited to open any present. TBH my dds love the "smaller" gifts their friends given them more than the bigger ones dh and I buy them most of the time. xx

jampots · 22/01/2005 13:15

it is of course possible that they are wrongly priced ! in which case get your ass down there again.

Caligula · 22/01/2005 13:17

Poorasa, I have just been to an outlet centre and bought a job-lot of suitable presents for these events at knock down prices. I know exactly what you mean, these bloody birthday events are a killer when you haven't got much money. I had about four of them in a row last year which made a deep impact on my food budget!

I also look out for the 3 for the price of 2 offers in ELC, Woolworth etc.

To be on the safe side, I'd probably buy another little £1 present, like sweets or pens or something - Woolies are good for this.

Caligula · 22/01/2005 13:20

I also agree with Rowlers, the Mum should remember how your DS behaved more than the present, and if she doesn't, it doesn't matter if you offend her.

Trifle · 22/01/2005 13:26

I have to say that I dont think that is particularly fair. It costs the parents approx £8 per child invited to a party and to only spend 80 pence on a present when your child has been fed and entertained for 2 hours and then comes away with a party bag which probably cost more is a little insulting. I feel it is an honour for a child to be invited to a party and spend the equilavent on a present of what it costs to host per child, ie approx £8. I, like others, have stocked up on discounted toys etc so I can feel happy in giving something that cost me £10 where full price it would have been double. I would reassess whether I would let my child go to a party if I really couldnt afford a decent present.

Gwenick · 22/01/2005 13:36

Go for it - if the mum doesn't appreciate the gesture rather than the cost her loss

This year I did most of my christmas shopping (for children in the family) from morrisons.

The jigsaw puzzles were BOGOF - £2.49 and 4.99 each, I got 'stacking' cups from wilkisons for under £2 for another children and did it all very cheap - no-one complained and one my of my nephews was over the moon as apparently the picture on his puzzle was one of his favourite characters!

Gwenick · 22/01/2005 13:38

£8 a person?? What sort of parties do you give??? I don't give party bags - children come to my children's parties to celebrate birthdays - not to go home with lots of goodies for themselves. They do get a bag - but with a piece of cake and some 'party' things just as hats, whistles etc

Caligula · 22/01/2005 13:39

If I took that view, my DS would never go to any parties because we couldn't afford them.

I assume that the mothers I know are inviting him because their children want his company, not a present. And tbh, I would rather not get any presents - more junk cluttering up the house imo. And most of the mothers I know have the same view, they accept with resignation the fact that the birthday party will see an onslaught of presents.

If they're offended by my present, then they have the option of not inviting me next time, but tbh I wouldn't mind if my DS wasn't allowed to be friends with a child from a family who thinks that the fact that I can't afford to spend a lot of money on a toy is a good reason to exclude my DS from social occasions.

misdee · 22/01/2005 13:50

pot of marbles!!! i would've been in heaven as a kid if i was given marbles as present.

I went into claires acesscories this week and got their 10 items for £1 for gifts for parties this year. I also usually buy colouring books, small toys or pencils/pens. Most of dd1 friends i dont know, but if its her best friend from nursery then i buy a little extra. the thing all of dd1 friends birthdays tend to be between march-may.

Even my neices and nephews dont get much spent on them for xmas/birthdays as we all understand how tight money can be.

Last year was the 1st time dd1 had a aprty with school friends (usually just family) and i was shocked at how much she was given. I never celebrated birthdays as a child (jehovah witnesses) so am not used to the whole gift giving thing. fortunatly dd1 birthday party was the 1st out of her friends so we didnt slip up really.

misdee · 22/01/2005 13:51

10 items for £5, not £1!!

weightwatchingwaterwitch · 22/01/2005 13:54

Quite caligula. Poorasachurchmouse, she might be one of those mums like me who has no idea who gave what. Eeek! I really don't, family excepted. Marbles sound great and if you're worried get something else from a pound shop and add them. But tbh, I think the birthday boy will like marbles (what small child couldn't?) and wouldn't remotely mind not getting anything else. Any additional present would probably be tossed to one side (unless it's chocolate) anyway, so you'd be buying it to keep up appearances.

Original poster
Pooraschurchmouse · 22/01/2005 13:54

Oh I disagree entirely Trifle! I admit 80p is rather little to spend on a present, but I can't see how it is related to whatever cost the hosts have incurred. I didn't ask them to spend £8 on
my son. They could hold a much cheaper party at their own home, not give party bags (I think they are the curse of modern society) and only provide basic food (let's face it, children only eat the crisps and chocolate biscuits anyway). Presumably, if the hosts were friendly, the children would enjoy themselves just as much. However, they have chosen to have a party in the local sports centre, will presumably provide a party bag that will contain the same old stuff, and will have loads of party food left over. That seems the norm.

Are you saying you only invite people to your house who you feel will bring a gift that is more expensive, or equal in cost to the money you spend on their food?

OP posts:
dinosaur · 22/01/2005 13:56

It's a fab present. Go for it.

Blackduck · 22/01/2005 14:00

I find this party bag idea really bizarre - you throw a party and feed everyone and THEN you are expected to give them all a bag ...ffs! I can understand a couple of sweets and a lolly, BUT my son came home with toys and books etc. What is this all about? Also disagree with Trifle - it should not be a case of the parents (or child) thinking 'well THAT present only cost X and I spent twice that feeding that child and providing a party bag' - how depressing and mercenary is that?

zaphod · 22/01/2005 14:08

I have held a lot of birthday parties in my time, and most of the time have no idea who gave what, or cared. EXCEPT one year when my ds got a very expensive skateboard, worth about £22 pounds from one of the guests, not even a particular friend. Maybe they bought it in a rush, or couldn't think of anything else, but I thought it was unfair. Did they expect us to reciprocate with a gift of equal value when the time came? Were they just showing off? Anyway, I felt it was inappropriate.

I think the marbles are a great idea.

Hulababy · 22/01/2005 14:15

I think your pressie idea is just fine. You have chosen a present, suitable for the child and something he will enjoy. Cost is irrelevant IMO.

TBH I don't think how much a party has cost to the host has anything to do with the present cost at all. IMO a parents throws a party for his/her child to enjoy with friends, not to recieve presents.

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