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Original poster

Is this acceptable?

128 replies

Pooraschurchmouse · 22/01/2005 12:54

I am a regular Mner but I have changed my name for this as I am rather ashamed.

Money is very, very tight for us right now, but ds is a popular boy and gets invited to lots of parties (sometimes weekly). When money is more abundant, I would tend to spend £5 on a present or a bit more if I knew the child better or knew specifically what they wanted. The other day, I found Tesco were selling a nice tin of 100 marbles for only 80 something pence. It doesn't look that cheap though. My question is, do you think I could give that as a present to a child who is having a party next week? I do not know who he is at all, let alone his mother, but I am worried she will shop in Tesco and know how cheap my present is. Does that matter? Should I buy something else to go with the marbles? If so, what?

OP posts:
coppertop · 23/01/2005 09:16

I understand the "feeling honoured" point to a certain extent. In 2yrs of pre-school and 4+ months of school ds1 has only been invited to 2 birthday parties - and those 2 invitations came from the same child - so yes I would feel honoured if he was invited to a party. However, I don't agree that feeling honoured means that you should spend a lot of money on a present.

hub2dee · 23/01/2005 09:35

Church Mouse: The marbles are a GREAT present. They will likely outlast any other present the kid will receive, and provide hours more playtime than many of the other pressies too !

I had loads as a kid and would make up all sorts of random games... and then there was the trading... such fun.

Don't feel bad about the price. If you want it to be extra special, the googled marble game sheets sounds like a brill idea, or buy two bags of marbles so there are enough marbles for the kid to play marble games with a few others at the same time.

zebra · 23/01/2005 09:47

Does anyone else feel that marbles are still too much a choking risk? I don't want my kids playing with them until they're 8, so I wouldn't like marbles as a gift very much ... I'd be hiding them away.

morningpaper · 23/01/2005 09:51

Zebra: People seem to have VERY different opinions on this. I guess it depends on your children. My dd is 2 and has a vast marble collection and we play marbles a lot, but I have to hide it when her friends come round because all their mothers go pale with horror. Then again she is not the sort to shove things in her mouth.

galaxy · 23/01/2005 09:52

Marbles are fine as a gift imo as long as they're aimed at the right age roup. The cost of the present is irrevalent.

Original poster
Pooraschurchmouse · 23/01/2005 09:53

Sorry, I am aware that throughout I have not said the age of the child. He will be 7 and the marbles have 6+ written on them so I don't feel there is a choking hazard for that child. Mind you, as I don't know the family, I take the point that there may be younger siblings.

OP posts:
mishi1977 · 23/01/2005 10:35

poor
i wouldnt stress hun u have obviously put thought into the gift...and too much worrying IMO
I too am someone who feels pressured to spend money on gifts...my DS was 1 in oct and the gifts he received where ridiculous and even for xmas...but it makes me feel bad as I have given up work due to il health so DH and I are struggling with bills etc but to other people i think we seem well off cos we have 2 cars decent house etc...but a lot dont know i have given up work due to health not due to choice iykwim..so yes i do recycle duplicate presents etc..yes i do only spend £5 on a present if i have to buy new...i was really upset at xmas due to stress of worrying over one of dh friends buying my ds an expensive gift as he has done before but they have 3 children so do i buy them each an equivilant to ds cost or all together...luckily i went to places like home n bargain and bought things cheap but would be expected to be double their cost etc....so i do understand your fretting but hopefully they child will love it and if not dont worry it will be forgotten

tigermoth · 23/01/2005 11:50

hope you feel totally ok about giving your gift, poorasa - you can see how many replies your query has clocked up.

I must go to Tesco for birthday cards - we don't have a single branch of Tesco in our borough, so it's not a place I shop at usually. We do make our own cards sometimes, but often run out of time.

pinkdiamond · 23/01/2005 12:25

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noddyholder · 23/01/2005 12:35

I am going to stick my neck out and say trifle is so wrong and thank god we don't all think like that I for sure don't inspect every present ds recieves to check who spent what.That is not the spirit for a kid's party!If trifle is a regular poster then I'm sure that her friends will shoot me down but I find this sort of thing really sad

JanH · 23/01/2005 12:42

Trifle doesn't post very often and is often controversial so no change there then.

But look what I just found:

aloha · 23/01/2005 12:42

My son has enough stuff. I don't care what present he gets. I choose my friends and I hope my son chooses his friends on their personal qualities, not their financial position. What a dreadful thing to not want kids at your party because their parents are poor. It really makes me feel quite sad.

pinkdiamond · 23/01/2005 12:47

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noddyholder · 23/01/2005 12:48

agree completely with aloha it is just sad.I am surprised that trifle didn't specify an amount on the othre thread as a couple of quid as she puts it surely wouldn't cover her costs!

bloss · 23/01/2005 13:10

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pinkdiamond · 23/01/2005 14:30

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Original poster
Pooraschurchmouse · 23/01/2005 14:42

I don't want this thread to turn into a witch-hunt so, although I also disagree with Trifle's post, I just want to say, thank you to those of you who have reassured me that the marbles would be a good present. As the replies have kept coming in, I have realised that the monetary value of the gift is irrelevant; what matters is that the gift has good play value and so many of you have been kind enough to say your children would like to receive marbles. I can only hope that the little boy whose party it is next week feels the same way. So thank you again for all your replies.

OP posts:
Blackduck · 23/01/2005 14:43

Mouse - sure he will - and hope you little boy has a great time too!

suedonim · 23/01/2005 14:52

Poorasachurchmouse, I think a tin of marbles is a great idea. You know what? Those marbles will be around for years and years and the recipient will look at them and remember fondly that had them for their 7th birthday, or whatever. My boys are now grown up but their marbles (and toy cars) are still in my 8yo dd's toy boxes and I look at them and the memories come flooding back. It's much better than cheap tat.

As for the idea of a gift that recompenses for the cost of the party. When we lived in Indonesia the latest craze for party bags was a real live animal - rabbits, doves etc!!! What the heck would you get as a present that equates with a baby creature???

By the way, The Book People sell packs of books very cheaply, often 10 books for 10gbp, which you can then give as individual gifts. And M&S sell individual cards from one pound each, also packs of cards but usually obnly with two designs. I now have seven nephews & nieces and 7 great-nephews & nieces, so am definitely on the look-out for inexpensive goodies!!

JanH · 23/01/2005 15:29

Definitely have a look at The Book People, mouse. The bundles of 10 are usually £4.99 or even £5.99 books for only £1 each - things like Puffin Roald Dahls - they make fantastic presents!

Trifle · 23/01/2005 15:52

As usual people are blowing things out of proportion. Ok, a scenario for you. Ds2 was invited to a party at an indoor play area which costs nearly £10 per child. Extortionate and not my choice of venue but that's what the parents decided. When they realised that I would have to bring ds1 as well and that I was going to pay his entry fee they decided to include him in the party so he didnt miss out on the food, party bag etc. I was completely mortified and totally embarassed that these people had now coughed up nearly 20 quid to make my life easier and have both boys at the party despite my protestations. I then felt obliged to buy 2 presents, ie one from each which I felt was fair. This is money I cannot afford to be frivolous with but I felt it was justified under the circumstances. . Money spent on presents are things that most people can ill afford and I do really think it is a waste. For me it would be so much better deposited in a post office account but you try telling other parents not to buy for your ds and give money instead, they feel uncomfortable about it. I am completely aware that everyone has different budgets and I was delighted when ds received a much wanted and totally fabulous book that some parents had clubbed together £3 each and bought. I dont condem them at all, far from it, their money was certainly not wasted and was spent wisely and thoughtfully for which ds and I are very grateful. By the way JanH, you really need to get out more.

RTKangaMummy · 23/01/2005 15:58

I strongly disagree with giving or asking for money from DS friends

because you feel under pressure to give £10

One friend of DS asked for money and ended up with £300 because he invited the whole class and everyone was put under the same pressure

The friends mum made it very clear that he wanted money ot she wanted money for him.

How is that right?

colditzmum · 23/01/2005 16:00

SHE needs to get out more??!! This is coming from the person who sits and calculates how much money people have spent on her kids, and how much she "has" to spend in return. As for keeping a child from going to a party because you can't afford £5 to £8 pounds for a present, if I tried asking for that amount in my area, no-one would come. The idea of parties is for company for your child, not expensive extra present. I would be grateful if people turned up.

Donbean · 23/01/2005 16:03

Im dreading it quite frankly!
Ds is 18 months and it fills me with dread and fear the thought of school pals birthdays.
Obviously from the posts here it can be a stressful subject and so im right in my opinion!
I am completely unorganised with no imagination and do not like spending money!
I have a huge birthday list and by its side a Chrismas list.
These are family and very close friends only and amounts to 57 adults and children!!!!!OMG
I struggle to keep up with these without buying for other peoples children.
However, i understand that in the social sense it is important for children to attend parties and so i will have to take the advice and all of your wisdom and stock up from sales and fab cheepy shops.
I buy through the year, in sales and spend £5 or less on each child. Its usually clothing....as i said, i completely lack imagination.
Stress stress stress........
Is it ok to give clothing do you think as i never know? I am always glad of clothes for DS because i can actually use it always, where as we have a million and one toys all over the place.

RTKangaMummy · 23/01/2005 16:03

Also making personal comments to Jan is not fair

I really like Jan and she helps alot with links

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