Is this acceptable?

[Pooraschurchmouse]

I am a regular Mner but I have changed my name for this as I am rather ashamed.

Money is very, very tight for us right now, but ds is a popular boy and gets invited to lots of parties (sometimes weekly). When money is more abundant, I would tend to spend £5 on a present or a bit more if I knew the child better or knew specifically what they wanted. The other day, I found Tesco were selling a nice tin of 100 marbles for only 80 something pence. It doesn't look that cheap though. My question is, do you think I could give that as a present to a child who is having a party next week? I do not know who he is at all, let alone his mother, but I am worried she will shop in Tesco and know how cheap my present is. Does that matter? Should I buy something else to go with the marbles? If so, what?

I don't agree with trifle that you should spend as much on a present for the child as the costs the hosts have incurred. For one thing, how can you have any idea what they've spent?

I think your present sounds absolutely fine. I would be offended if someone came to one of my daughter's parties without a present (even though they don't need any more stuff) because that would just be rude. But a small, nice present would be great, whatever the cost. You didn't say how old your son is, but when they're fairly young they don't understand the monetary value of things anyway.

But I don't think you can not put a gift tag on it. Over here most children open their presents at their party, and of course they have to know who each present is from, and then thank the giver politely. As the birthday child's parent I would need to know too, or else how could we write thank you cards?

I was looking at those marbles in Tesco on Thursday and thinking of getting them for a birthday present too. I used to love marbles when I was a kid....

Also the Special Offers bowls and chopping boards are half price at the moment in Tesco.

Not for a present but for your info if you like a bargain!

I would have loved to get 100 marbles as a child. The cost is irrelevant IMHO. Ds1 tends not to get invited to parties but if he did then I wouldn't feel bad about giving them as a present.

I knew I would be shot down for this but I wouldnt feel comfortable giving something that had cost me so little. Birthday parties are expensive and when they start school it's impossible to invite the whole class so you have to invite a select few. If my ds is chosen to go to a party then I feel honoured that he has been selected as one of the lucky few. At ds last birthday he got some fantastic presents, mainly because the January sales had kicked in or parents had clubbed together a fiver each and got him something he really wanted and appreciated. Having said that one parent got him a twix, mars bar and a book that looked like it had done the rounds previously. I thought this a most bizarre present. Another parent got him something that had obviously been an unwanted present for her own child as it still had the original birthday card inside which they had forgotten to remove. I think the name of the game is to plan ahead and make use of the 3 for 2 offers and the January sales and have a store cupboard so that you dont get caught out. I still reiterate that if my child is lucky enough to be invited to a party where the parents are prepared to spend between £5 - £8 of their money on my son then to only deem their child worthy of 80 pence is a little mean. I think the solution is to club together with 1 or 2 other mums and get the child something that will be really appreciated.

I would much rather have 10 children turn up with either a cheap present or no present at all than have only 2 children turning up to a party because they were the only ones who could afford to spend £5+. £5 is a lot of money to some people.

Trifle, I would never personally spend only 80p on a present either. I usually spend about 10 pounds. We live in a pretty affluent area so I'm sure that no one who came to one of our parties would spend that little either.

But if it was literally all I could afford and it was a nice present (as it sounds like), then I wouldn't mind at all.

TBH, I would rather not have any presents at all.

People buy them because they feel they have to, and fill my small house up with more junk that the kids don't appreciate.

I would rather they kept their money and I kept my sanity.

I would be happy for my kids not to receive any extra presents, but as it's the done thing I would be offended if someone turned up present-less.

Also, I think there is some confusion as to the meaning of the term "mean". I agree that it would be mean to spend very little on a present if you've got lots of money, but if you have very little money and literally every penny counts, taking money out of your household food budget to buy a child a present when he probably has a hundred toys, is not mean, it's generous.

I think I'm quite mean because although I do the respectable thing of handing over a respectable present which I think will be acceptable to the child's parents, hardly any thought has gone into it, I've bought it as part of a job lot, whereas thinking about whether the present will be a nice one for a child, is much more generous. I'm afraid I can't stretch to that, the thought of choosing presents for unknown six year olds simply makes me want to head for the gin bottle.

I don't think I'd be offended, Kate but I would think it was odd (precisely because it's the done thing). But then again, some of the mothers I see at my DS's school gate are so odd, that I'd be grateful if their oddness was confined to only not sending birthday presents!

I strongly disagree with Trifle. Birthdays and parties are not financial transactions. Most kids don't give a damn what their presents cost (and if they do, that's a worry) - IME they're often more delighted with something simple and oldfashioned like a tub of marbles than something flash and pricey. You seem to be saying that poor people should keep their kids away from parties.

I agree with Caligula - especially your first paragraph.

I have twin DS's, who are in the same class at school and get invited to the same parties. They are very popular and present buying can get very expensive, when there are two or three birthdays in a row. I usually buy a present from each, as the other childs parents have to pay for the two at the party.I also try to spend arround £5, but will take advantage of bargins, sale items,etc, where ever possible.

I think, if you've found a nice present that happens to be cheeper, there is no shame in giving that, afterall,by the time you've bought a card and wrapping paper, you will have spent more anyway.

I also thing a nice tin of marbles is lovely. Kids always love them. If you buy those marbles from posh toy shop would cost £4-£5. Even it is 80p, it still shows that you take your time to choose it. I agreed with Trifle only the bit that twix + mars bar + a book are not nice but not because how much they worth but they shows that the person did not care whether my child gonna like them or not, unlike your tin of marble, I don't care how much it was but I can see your consideration.

Exactly, etc. Whatever happened to "It's the thought that counts"?

oops sorry Poorasa, posted on the other untitled thread!

Makes me think when it comes to organising dh parties I will stipulate no presents at all!

Kids get given too much as it is.

Oops I meant ds' parties..

I did wonder, vicdubya!

"If my ds is chosen to go to a party then I feel honoured that he has been selected as one of the lucky few" Really Trifle? That makes you feel honoured? If I, or my dd gets invited to a party, however big or small, I would never consider it an honour - I'd think it was a chance to have fun.
I think and 80p tin of marbles would be a great present. I think 80p spent on sweets would be wrong, but then I would think £80 spent on sweets would be wrong as a birthday present - it's the fact you've thought of something appropriate that counts, not how much it costs.

I have just sent DH to get some for some of marbles

they are now 98p

brill idea for pressie though

you can get a set of pencils from woolies for £1

we got some because we keep loosing pens in house so pencils are good idea with rubbers on end too.

Hey poorasachurchmouse, just had a thought, what about packaging them differently? Have you got a nice box somewhere or could you put them in something that made it NOT obvious they were the Tesco ones? As someone else said, they usually cost a lot more so package them differently and it'll look like they did. I'm suggesting this because you feel unsure about giving an 80p present, not because I think it's inappropriate as I said earlier.

I don't care how much a present costs for my son

I care that people cared enough to turn up and buy him something

he has enough crap

I think a tin of marbles is a lovely present and it wouldn't cross my mind to wonder how much it would cost

but if it did cross my mind .. I suppose I would assume it cost around £5 anyway