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Original poster

Is this acceptable?

128 replies

Pooraschurchmouse · 22/01/2005 12:54

I am a regular Mner but I have changed my name for this as I am rather ashamed.

Money is very, very tight for us right now, but ds is a popular boy and gets invited to lots of parties (sometimes weekly). When money is more abundant, I would tend to spend £5 on a present or a bit more if I knew the child better or knew specifically what they wanted. The other day, I found Tesco were selling a nice tin of 100 marbles for only 80 something pence. It doesn't look that cheap though. My question is, do you think I could give that as a present to a child who is having a party next week? I do not know who he is at all, let alone his mother, but I am worried she will shop in Tesco and know how cheap my present is. Does that matter? Should I buy something else to go with the marbles? If so, what?

OP posts:
flashingnose · 22/01/2005 17:45

Interesting - ds had his party today and there was a £10 present with a card written by Mum. There was also an (estimate) £3 present with paper and card handmade by ds's friend and card written by the friend as well. Gues which one he lingered over the most? DS is 6.

It really is the thought that counts IMO.

Incidentally, I was going to do a Pass the Parcel with no sweet between the layers (like we used to have all those years ago) and my friend was seriously shocked and said I would have to otherwise there would be a riot!!

flashingnose · 22/01/2005 18:12

Actually, the more I think about this, the more I really disagree with trifle.

Original poster
Pooraschurchmouse · 22/01/2005 18:39

I ask again, does trifle only invite people to her house who will give a present of equal cost to the catering she has provided?

Maybe 80p for me is the equivalent of £80 to the party giver. I did say, we are very financially troubled ATM and when in btter times, I usually spend about £5.

OP posts:
cloudy · 22/01/2005 18:46

I can sort of see where Trifle is coming from. Not that I would be upset if some of the presents my DS received at his party were cheapies -- actually, DS would love some marbles. But if they were all lcheapies, I'd feel cheated.

DS has only been invited to 2 birthday parties so far this school year. I don't know why, because he's a popular child... I feel pretty sad about it. I think he's not invited because he's new to the school and the mothers don't know me, they only invite children whose mothers they already know very well. So it would feel like a huge privilege to me, too, if he got invited to a party, too, any party.

RTKangaMummy · 22/01/2005 18:47

I have asked DS and he said he would love to have a tin of marbles for a present.

He also says that he thinks that he would rather have a fun cheap present than one that was expensive.{DS is 9 btw}

He says that he would rather have a handmade card than a shop one because it showed that the friend had spent time drawing it or sticking stickers on.

The question is really whether the present is intened for the child or to impress the parents???

In this house anyway we agree that it is for the child.

august24 · 22/01/2005 18:51

I too think Trifle was out of line. I don't understand that mentality at all, let's have a party to get presents. Kids have way too many things these days, I have yet to get over my disgust at the amount of presents my kids got for Christmas, and their birthdays are coming up soon and the thought of more useless plastic junk crowding my toyshelf makes me shiver!(But that may have to do too with the fact we are moving right after the birthdays! ) I think any gift should be apprecitated no matter what the price, and my girls would love to have 100 marbles. I think that a gift with a thought behind it means more then what is spent on it. And to be truthfully honest some my girls favorite gifts have been "used" hand gifts. And in my book candy that will be consumed is a great gift too as it is gone within a few days

Pooraschurchmouse you have nothing to be ashamed about! I think the child will love haveing that many marbles to play with. If I had to make a suggestion as for something to add to the gift, I would suggest looking up a few games that can be played with marbles on google, and print one or two off to go with the marbles.

I just think comparing what a gift costs to how much was spent on the party is so tacky.

nutcracker · 22/01/2005 18:57

How nice for you Trifle that you can afford to spend 8 quid on a pressie for a child you hardley know.

We are also very very broke at the mo but dd2 is going to a friends party next week. I will be going into town to find the nicest cheapest pressie i can, and i know that the party girls mother will not be expecting me to have spent an amount of money that i could not afford, as that is not the point of the party IMO or anyone else's that i know.

morningpaper · 22/01/2005 19:02

Trifle you sound like the queen FGS! "An honour"? It's just a laugh.

I've had LOTS of people turn up to parties for dd and not brought presents and I'm glad they feel that I don't expect them to. We've all got enough STUFF.

I think marbles are a GREAT idea and I honestly believe that if your friends think this is inadequate then you should find some more friends.

morningpaper · 22/01/2005 19:04

P.S. I think I'm honoured to have friends who want to turn up at my parties!

KateandtheGirls · 22/01/2005 20:40

I don't agree with Trifle over most of this, but I don't see any problem with her sentence: "If my ds is chosen to go to a party then I feel honoured that he has been selected as one of the lucky few".

My neighbour's daughter recently had a birthday party and invited my two girls but no one else in the neighbourhood, and yes - I did feel honoured.

JanH · 22/01/2005 20:50

I agree that it is an honour to be invited to a party, but not that the cost of the party has anything to do with what you should spend on a present. Some people choose to spend mad money on a party but that is their choice and the birthday child will not (I would hope - should not anyway) notice or care what the guests bring.

JanH · 22/01/2005 20:53

Ooops, I mean not notice or care what it cost, not what it was

jodee · 22/01/2005 20:58

Yep, I'd feel honoured for ds to be invited to any party, it would make me happy to know that he was liked and another child enjoyed his company that much.

I would hope ds's gift would be appreciated, whatever the size or value.

What I do find extremely rude and badmannered is when people don't bother to reply to invites or to turn up at all, or thank the other person for the present, whether in person or in a little note.

galaxy · 22/01/2005 20:59

Agree with you jodee

Hausfrau · 22/01/2005 21:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

morningpaper · 22/01/2005 21:51

Sorry for being overly harsh.

It's just the idea that someone would feel 'honoured' and feel under obligation to repay the honour in material gifts - it sounds AWFUL to me. I just hate the idea that someone who attended one of my parties would ever feel that way.

NotQuiteCockney · 22/01/2005 21:54

I'm also in the "that would be a lovely present" camp. I invite the kids I like, and DS likes, and the parents I like, to his parties. (He's 3, so parents are part of the deal.) I'm pretty sure some of these families are short of cash, and hence the presents they bring aren't that expensive. Big whoop!

I do often buy fairly expensive gifts for other kids (not stupidly so), but that's because I like buying toys, and I like supporting our (new) local toy shop. I'd be quite annoyed and upset if people were worried about their ability to reciprocate to the same degree.

bertiebrown · 22/01/2005 22:26

It's exactly comments like those of trifles that make me wonder what sort of society we live in....

If you are holding parties and even giving a minute of thought to the cost of the presents, then you shouldn't be holding a party in the first place.

No wonder children today are so materialistic, if their parents are like some on here.

deegward · 22/01/2005 22:39

DS (going to be 5) was offered a sledging party with 10 friends or a Mr Marvel (a children's magician) where he coudl invite who he wanted. Surprise, surprise he had chosen Mr M. Because...... he wants all his friends to have a good time and have cake. (his words not ours) I don't think he would care if someone came with a packet of Incredible Stickers price 30p or an Incredible figure he just wants the party, and to have his friends there. He has said I think I will ask X as then maybe they will be friends with the rest of us.

I think adults care far more about the present than the child. No point to story just stating fact!

miranda2 · 23/01/2005 01:59

I hold my hand up and say I buy v.cheap presents when I see them in sales and keep them for parties. Last year got some hand held rocket launchers from Asda - reduced to I htink 50p each - gave them to a couple of boys from ds's nursery at their party and apparently they were the hit present of the day! I was rather shocked at ds's party last year at some of the presents he got - because I thought they were too expensvie.
But then I also keep presents that I think are too young/duplicates/I don't like, and give them to other people too.. am I awful and mean? I don't think so - just sensible! I wouldn't give a child a present I didn't think they'd like, but I don't see why what it costs matters.
Plus if a parent is (in my book) mug enough to spend a fortune on a childs party, that is their decision. My son would be jsut as happy with tea and cake and play at their house, costing them about £2 per child, as a posh entertainer or catererd party costing £10. If they choose to pay more that is them choosing what they value their convenience at, not something i think should matter to me.

KateandtheGirls · 23/01/2005 03:42

Morning paper, there's a difference between feeling 'honoured' to be invitied to the party and feeling under obligation to repay the honour in material gifts.

tigermoth · 23/01/2005 08:11

Ever since my 5 year old started school three terms ago, all the presents he has taken to parties have come from one particular local pound shop. It has a great toy selection and the stock changes really quickly, so there's always something new. In fact lots of my sons favourite christmas and birthday presents have come from that shop.

We usually give each child three or four of pound shop presents, but if I am feeling especially skint, and the present looks ok, I would give one or two. I try to be as generous as possible. I do worry that the person paying for the party might feel we are a bit mean if our present very obviously costs far less than the cost per head. That's because we have not yet held a party so have never reciprocated any invites.

I think a nice tin of marbles is a lovely present, especially if you add some printed off games from google. I would probably add another pound shop present, but skimp on wrapping paper and card - use left over christmas paper and do a homemade card.

Incidently, anyone else resent how much children's birthday cards cost? No company seems to do bulk packs of them. Surely it should be possible to buy a pack with a general selection covering all the usual themes (space ships, football, fairies, princesses, etc) with no ages mentioned? When you think how cheaply you can buy christmas cards, the relative cost of a children's birthday card is very high.

sobernow · 23/01/2005 08:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

morningpaper · 23/01/2005 09:02

Tigermoth: We never buy birthday cards, but get DD to make a drawing or collage instead. She is only 2 and a bit, but she is SO happy if one of her friends gives her a picture they've made and she can stick it on her bedroom wall. I have some friends with 8 year olds and they all still do this for each other too. We do this for all family members as well.

Lonelymum · 23/01/2005 09:12

Tigermoth, you can buy packs of 5 or 10 (Maybe both, I am not sure) children's birthday cards in Tesco (popular shop on this thread!) for £1.99 I think. Trouble is, I think the designs are the same or only a choice of two and they are for younger children, probably under 5 or 6. Have also seen similar packs in a mail order catalogue but can't think which one.