Buying a house with partner who has children with ex

[Kjv83]

So I am just about to buy a house with my partner. We are going in 50/50. He has children from his ex partner but I dont have any and we wont have any of our own in the future. Am I being unreasonable by saying I want his half of the house signed over to me in the event of his death and not the children? They only live with us 8 days a month so its not like they will be homeless. As far as I am concerned, if one of us dies then it should go to the other person to alleviate the pressure of selling the house whilst grieving etc which is ultimately what would have to happen. Plus if he left his half to the kids then I would want to leave mine to a third party meaning we could both be in a situation where we would be homeless in the event of death. If its signed over to the survivor and we had a life insurance policy covering x amount to pay towards the mortgage to reduce it by the half that the deceased was paying then all would be good. The added complication is that I am needing heart surgery due to a childhood defect so getting life insurance is going to be a mission..... I have a group life policy through work which he is a beneficiary of which I guess may have to do? Basically, I am stuck in quandrey as I feel like people will think im being selfish but I relinquish any responsibility for the children and he knows that, I dont see why they should benefit from me. He can have a separate life insurance payable to them. Is it as straight forward as I think? Legal advise is just a minefield 😫 has anyone been in same position?

Never said that was the case......

I dont have empathy for them. I dont need to.

You’re being unreasonable.

If you buy as joint tenants, it’ll be passed to you. If you buy as tenants in common it’ll be down to him to decide what he does with the half share.

But it’s not your money. If you’re going 50/50, it’s his.

If we were married it would go to me anyway so am I being unreasonable???? Which we will be But we will probably do TIC in meantime

I know this 🙄 but originally it was going to them when he died and I survived. Whereas mine was going to him solely so was no risk to him but was to me but now we will delay pay out to them when we are both gone

No, it wouldn’t.

If you’re married and don’t make wills the first £322,000 of his estate would pass to you, with the remainder of the estate passing 50% to you, 50% to his children on statutory trusts.

One of the big problems with a lifetime interest is who maintains the house
quite often the people inheriting aren’t in a position to to finance the maintenance on the house they are waiting to inherit

These details should be set out in the will, usually it’s the beneficiary but the will can create provisions for the trustees to be responsible from the estate

You can keep your half bit the other half is theirs.

What?? You made mumsnet to blocked my post about you not having empathy towards them but here you are confirming it! Sick.. I hope those children would never know what you think of them..

Thanks for highlighting this. We will take this into consideration. Useful insight unlike most posts here which just berate

No the one personally attacking me calling me a psychopath was removed. They flagged it not me

I dont have a will at present so will need this to be factored into the arrangements both outlining our wishes

I would suggest that you should both leave your half to whoever you want to with a lifetime interest for the surviving partner meaning that neither of you will be left homeless but the 50% intended for the children cannot then be left to someone else.

Or at least his kids have to wait until you live out your life and expire, like a sitting duck in what should be their inheritance?

Sorry I really have to take issue with this obnoxious position. No one has a right to an inheritance. A surviving spouse living in a jointly owned home is not a sitting duck in someone’s inheritance. Fuck that.

My husband and I own a house and each have children. None of them will be getting any share of our house until both of us have finished with it. Because it’s OUR HOUSE.

There are various ways of sorting out the legalities as per answers on the thread.

Does your partner know how much you resent his children?

Thank you for your response. This is what I was getting at. My partner thought he was expected to give it to them on his death even thought i might be still alive and didnt want this to be the case but didnt know we could defer their share til we are both gone which would resolve the issue. I have never said they wouldn't be entitled to his share or anything, just felt it was harsh for them to get it whilst I was still alive yet he would get it all if he outlived me as I wasnt planning to leave it to anyone but him as had no kids!

Resent is a harsh word and not how I feel about them despite how it may come across. He knows I am accepting of them and appreciates everything I do for them. He acknowledges they are testing at times as are all children are and that I am not naturally maternal. Managed to get to 39 with no kids in my life so it was a big learning curve for me but I have embraced and adapted as much as I can to ensure they have a nice life with us

What? You expect him to disinherit his children and give his half of the house to you upon death?

If he is a decent man he will end the relationship when you suggest this and he sees your true colours.

If he cares about his partner more than his own children then he’s a disgraceful excuse for a man. Why would he prioritise you being able to stay in the house you share over providing for his children’s future? Presumably you supported yourself before you met him and could do so again without sitting on his children’s inheritance for potentially decades? Why should his choice of romantic partner impact his children in such a way?

Based on your attitude to his children you are not somebody who should be in a relationship with someone with children and he has been very unwise.

And by the same logic why should you have potentially decades long use of the assets that should rightly belong to his children if he dies?

You state you have “no empathy” for his children. Why are you getting involved with someone with children at all? I expect you will do immense damage to this family and his relationships with them.

Read the thread please.... that was not the case. Plus I dont believe inheritance to kids should be a given

Like i said I am very hands off with his kids due to his and the mothers agreement. I dont get involved. The kids will rightfully get it when he dies and so have I

This was based on the OP that you wrote. If you didn’t explain yourself properly that’s on you.