How to give money fairly to children

[PetaMatt]

Following my mother's death I have inherited a large sum and I want to use it to help my children onto the property ladder (I am taking advice about varying the will).

I am due to receive about £800k. Where DS1 lives, a decent one bed flat costs about £250k. Where DS2 lives it would be more like £350k. I know they are both keen to buy a flat.

WWYD-

1. give them each the price of a one bed flat (£250k and £350k)
2. give them each the price of a one bed flat as above plus give DS1 an extra £100k
3. give them each the price of a one bed flat as above and reflect the £100k difference in my will
4. give them each £250k and suggest DS2 gets a mortgage for the difference
5. something else?

I don't need the money myself although I will appreciate the security of having whatever is left.

I would give them the same. Although your intentions are very laudable, “they gave you £100k more than me” will always feel like an insult to rhe one living in the cheaper area (who may have chosen there precisely because it’s cheaper).

I would give both 350k. If ds2 decides to stay in that area and get a smaller property for the price that’s his choice. Ds1 gets a bigger property because he lives in a cheaper area.

Yeah, given then each the same amount, where they lift is indeed their decision

I’d give both £250k. That’s a brilliant deposit even if one DS gets a mortgage.

I’d go with 4. A mortgage for 100k with a £250k deposit is far more attainable than one for £350k. Giving them different amounts based on where they live doesn’t really make sense - why do they live there? Could they choose to move? The child living in the cheaper location may choose to put £250k towards a 2 bed flat. You shouldn’t try to buy them matching flats - that’s their decision to make on how they use the money.

If expensive area child is still struggling, you could talk about further money in advance from inheritance but this is all a long way down the line.

I'd give them both £250k. What an amazing thing to do for your children.

Anything other than identical amounts is unfair imo. Their life circumstances can change compared to each other and you won't always be able to even it out.

I would give them 250k each which is an incredible amount of money. They might want to buy somewhere different to their current locations too.

As someone who received £100k less than my sister got to help her buy a house (I got nothing), I would suggest giving them the same.

Give them both the exact same amount!
You have no idea what’s around the corner of how life will pan out for each of them.

I’d give the same or you are financially punishing your ds for living in a cheaper area. You also risk him moving house just so that he gets at least the same as his brother.

While it’s amazing that your sons could be mortgage free, it’s not the end of the world if they decide to use your gift as a deposit and get a mortgage for the rest.

ALWAYS give each child the same amount.
Each child has made a life choice as to where to live, what career path theyve chosen etc. Never treat one differently to the other because they earn less, live somewhere cheaper etc.
Ive worked my arse off all my life and yet I'm viewed as 'lucky' by my family and it's 'okay for you as you have money' NO, I just made smarter life choices compared to my sister but she always get given to more favourably in these situations and it does build up tension and resentment

Definitely give them the same amount, otherwise it’ll cause resentment.
What a lovely gift 😊

Give them the same, either 250k or 350k each.

I've had a similar experience although much smaller amount, I gave them all the same despite differences in their income and areas of living. I still feel upset over events in my childhood where favourtism was shown to sibling and would not want my three to feel like I did/do.

My parents are evening it out in their will, which I'm fine with as I'm doing OK and don't need the money right now.

But in your case, I know you say you don't need the money, but a comfy retirement is always nice. 250k each and 300k for you (less all the various expenses of getting it) seems like an excellent compromise.

I would do this and give both equally but on the proviso that this is ring fenced to protect it for future marriage/divorce. I would not be paying anything if a spouse could walk away with ££125k off my parents money. You can still sort it so a spouse can live in the home without having any legal entitlement suit?

I wouldn't give them more than I kept for myself. So with £800K I'd give them each £250K which I would insist had to be used on property. If one wanted to add to that, fair enough, but it doesn't make sense to buy them each a flat when the flats are of a different value. I agree with the other posters who mentioned ring-fencing it, too.

The same. How they spend it andnon what is their choice.

I would give them £200k each.

I am not sure why you are tying it to flats.

Give them a portion each - whatever you want to - if you dont need it why not 400k each - or alternatively 200k each and more to come later perhaps.

Whatever you decide it will make a big difference for them.

I would definitely give them the same amount each. The son currently in the expensive area could move to the cheaper area in a few years and vice versa.

The same amount. Otherwise the one who gets more now will continue to have more, and possibly even an increasing difference as property values rise.

Give them the same amount. Would be unfair otherwise.

Give them the exact same amount. No question. The ifs, buts and maybes of what and where they choose to buy is up to them.

Definitely give them the same. I've been the less favoured sibling in that scenario, it's not great.