I just can't understand...

[Marmut]

how some people manage their finance...

I am an immigrant and came here as a student with a stipend (no family supporting me financially). Even living on a stipend and a very part time work, during my study, I managed to save more than £10k. I did that by making sure I saved every month and minimised my ongoing by very rarely eating out, walking everywhere, cooking my food every day and socialising by inviting people over so I could do it on the cheap (cooking the food, etc.). I guess what I am trying to say is that I am not always have a good salary/income to rely on and yet I always manage to maximise savings by minimising my expenses so that I can spare some money to save.

Anyway, 19 years later after I came here, our mortgage was paid off, I have a saving of nearly 80% of my annual salary (my own, not a joint saving), an emergency buffer of about 3 months outgoing, my pension is also on track, and I may be able to retire 8-9 years earlier than the state pension age. We also have a £18k saving for our DD and, provided we continue with our monthly saving, it will be about £50k by the time she is 18. Although our joint income is about £100k (ony very recently), I carry on with weekly meal planning (adjusting the meal plan based on what is on offer) and keeping close watch on the budget of our groceries and family outings. I buy things when they are on sale and only replace things when they are broken. I continue bringing pack lunch daily and only occasionally buy lunch while at work. We do not deprive my DD of life experience, as we still still go to holidays abroad every year (which we plan ahead and I have a specific "top budget" in my mind) and she still joins any club she is interested in.

I am aware that my post sounds like a humble brag. But it really frustrates me to see how other people could have "got" out of a dire situation if only they were willing to manage their finances properly and go for the long game instead of instant gratification. Even saving a very small amount, if it is done regularly and continously, will make a big difference.

Plus alcohol. A lot of students, especially, spend quite a bit on this, and it is not cheap.

Is this a feckless young people bashing thread or a feckless brits bashing thread? I'm getting confused.

Why on earth are you frustrated about how others are managing their money? Sounds like you've done well- good for you. I really don't think you need to concern yourself with everyone else's finances.

I could start a thread on MN saying that I am slim and fit at nearly 50 and am frustrated that others aren't. Or tell everyone that I have a great relationship with my teenagers and can't begin to imagine why others are always arguing with their teens.

But I don't because a) I understand that we aren't all the same and nor are our circumstances and b) I'm not a twat.

Yeh, was just wondering the same tbh

😂

I know I will be flamed for this post. For those who asked about my salary, when I started working, my salary was about £28-29k and 14 years later, my current earning is around £50k. So, my career isn't exactly stellar. I cant rememeber how much my husband's earning was, but it was not much far off from mine, probably in mid £30s.Our house was bought at just under 250k. DH wanted to buy a more expensive house, but I was dead against it as my employment was not permanent. I was worried that his salary would be enough if I lose my job. We also decided to just have 1 child, as our nursery fees were even higher than our mortgage payments and we could not (relationship-wise and mental-health wise) cope with an additional child. I also work full time throughout my DD early years although it was hell as my mental health was very low due to lack of social support (suffering high anxiety throughout early years). I forced my self through it as I wanted to pay mortgage ASAP, so there was less financial risk were I to lose my job. Making hays while the sun shines and all that.

I don't have any student debt because I relied on mutiple scholarships to pay for my education beyond my undergraduate degree. My parents paid for my undergraduate degree back in my home country. So, yes, I do have some privilege. I am also aware that it is always harder to buy a house on one salary, even 10 years ago. Living as a single person is definitely much more expensive and probably I wouldn't be where I am if I were still single.

In any case, my main point is that under most circumstances, there are actions that will result in less risk and probabilities of financial difficulties.

To be honest, I don't feel I have deprived my self by being financially responsible. My main source of joy is food. Unfortunately I can't eat whatever I want even if I can afford them as I am edging to 50's. And no, my DD was not deprived of anything.

I think it's Brit AND benefit bashing. We're a dreadful country full of lazy fast fashion caffeine slaves who could well afford retiring at 50 in a 5 bedroomed house if only we didn't buy lattes. Amazing how anyone else wants to live here tbh.

@Waitingfordoggo I know it is not my business. But sometimes, I encounter this while interacting with relatives or acquitances and I just feel despair as sometimes I do wish I could help them (financially) and yet, I am in no position to help either. I mean I can help, but it may tip me off in a risky position. If you know what I mean?

I note you have one child. Childcare costs a lot and it was a deciding factor after I had my second - childcare was more than my day rate. You do not (unless I missed it) say what part of the country you live in. Houses near me rent (3 bed terrace) for £3500/month. There are cheaper areas, but we have three very good schools so people like living here - that's their priority. If someone owned their house, a roof replacement/boiler breakdown etc can costs thousands. I had to pay £11k last year for maintenance (though certainly do not pay this every year)!
Also, priorities. You say you had no financial help, but do you have no family that YOU help? I have a disabled relative and help financially. My son (21) has worked since he was 16 and has a good but low paying job. I help him with his rent - his job is too far for him to live at home. That's my priority.
I have about £100k in total debt (including mortgage). I am a widow. My priorities have been education and a nice home. Someone else might not care where they live but love to travel, collect cars, whatever.
Of course many people could manage their finances better. I could do what you do - scour the food market and plan accordingly, cut out the wine and odd takeaway. Move to a cheaper area. But I like my lifestyle and want to feel safe where I live, and I want to live in London. I want to be able to go out for dinner, go away for a weekend to celebrate a friend's birthday. We are here for a short time and I want to enjoy that time, within my finances as much as possible, but if means putting a bit on credit card, or not saving large amounts for my children, so be it. I have ensured they will inherit.
It's great you have worked your way up. But take away your education (it's very expensive to go to uni now), where would you be? You probably would be doing well as you seem driven and focussed. Great that you earn well and have managed to save a good amount. But not everyone is capable or able to do this. You seem smart - can you not see how this can be the case? By the mere fact my neighbourhood is full of young families despite the high rents/cost of houses indicates that many people ARE managing perfectly well. But a mile away and it's a different story.

@Marmut

To be honest, I don't feel I have deprived my self by being financially responsible. My main source of joy is food. Unfortunately I can't eat whatever I want even if I can afford them as I am edging to 50's. And no, my DD was not deprived of anything.

But that’s the point some posters are making, they would disagree and feel that you have.

Surely as an adult you can appreciate not everybody has the same priorities as you.

Best just to keep your nose out and not worry about what other people do, eh?

Also, just to add it really fucks me off when people say , ‘I just don’t understand…..’

Well no, you do understand, you just don’t agree with it

Just say what you mean.

OP - you paid off your mortgage 19 years after you came here but you bought the home 9-10 years ago! Which one is it?

How long have you actually been here? Today’s youth don’t need lectures from those who had it easy. Just like you came here because it was better for you, today’s young people are fleeing to better places for them.

In the early 2000s house prices were a third of what they are now.

You say you walk everywhere? Most people live miles away from where their job is so don’t have a choice but pay the extortionate transport costs. Again, 20 years ago those were also more reasonable.

In all honesty I prioritised having fun in my 20s, still do to a certain extent. I'm someone who lives in the present. As a young teenager I lost 3 close relatives within a year, all relatively young, and I do sometimes wonder if that is why I prioritise like I do.

£28k tax free income 14 years ago, you're absolutely deluded if you think you've pulled yourself up through superior financial acumen. You're looking down on people having got there through being handed massive privilege.

Is your husband an immigrant too? Did you have any help with the deposit for the mortgage?

I think it’s easier when you’ve grown up without certain things to continue that way in adulthood.

I know a number of people who move over, but a home in 2 years and pay off their mortgage quickly. The quality of life of most of them is not something i’d want at all- no leisure, holidays are non-existent. They buy the cheapest food, etc

A friend of mine has children in their teens, they’ve never been abroad, they stay at home only or visit family during holidays so he doesn’t have to pay. No extra-curricular activities for the children, etc. It’s not because he can’t afford it, he’s saving it. His wife forced him to go on holiday for the first time a couple of years ago after 16 years of married life to a Greek Island for 5 days. They didn’t take the children.

If your life suits you and you’re happy, good.

There's no prize at the end of our lives for living the most frugal life possible.
I understand putting some money by, but life is also for living and enjoying.
Travel, new experiences, lunches with friends,.pets, multiple children, etc all mean more to me than an enormous amount of money that I can never bring myself to spend.

I have a friend who is a real miser and I would never want to trade my life and bank balance for her life and bank balance.

There's a happy medium between miser and spendthrift

Absolutely this. I have a miserable miserly friend too, obsessed with spreadsheets, buying the cheapest clothes from charity shops, and very careful to not spend much more than necessary, to the point of skimping on lower quality tyres on her car - something that I'd never do to the detriment of safety on the road.

Like you say, having 3 beautiful children, a family, some nice things, lunches out, and good times with my loved ones is as important to me as money. Obsessed with being a cheapskate is one thing, but being so frugal that you just drunk tap water when out for an evening is something else. I felt like buying the most expensive cocktails in the bar, handing to my friend, then telling her to let her hair down a bit!

because people are different, different priorities different views of finances, different levels of financial education, background, some are just rubbish at budgetting some overspend others don't care if they are in debt some are petrified of being in debt, some live for today others want financial security even if the cost is some personal deprivation

Maybe you came from a country with no or minimal social safety net so no job /money means starving or begging, you can be told forced to leave accommodation with no legal redress wellobviously that background would generally make someone financially risk adverse and prioritising savings as even a month off sick could seriously jeopardise family

However frugality is not a cure for poverty, however well you budget if your bills are nearly what you earn you don't have much head room

say for instance you have a F/T secure minimum wage job your takehome is just under £1600 a month with rent, utilities bills etc your non negoitable costs are £1000 you have £600 for food, transport to work, your phone clothes, maybe on a good month you somehow manage to save £100 now if fuel and food go up by 10% but your wage doesn't you maybe can only save £40, you are already on cheapest deal don't eat out rarely buy clothes there is othing left to cut, now your fridge ( which was secondhand anyway) breaks and you need another but you only have £240 in savings so you manage to find yet another secondhand one for £80 on facebook, you give a mate £20 for fuel to pick it up for you your tiny savings are now £140 after several months, then your landlord says rent is increasing by £100 a month and now your expenses exceed your income... this is how people are trapped in poverty one tiny thing comes wrong and the whole pile of cards collapses

if however your get £4000 a month and have £1800 left after bills a rent increas eeof £100 and food going up 10% will not make you overdrawn just a bit less fun money not nice but the effect of the same price rises etc disproportionally affected the poor person more, making getting out of poverty even harder

As someone who was forced to stop working when becoming increasingly disabled, I won’t be lectured by someone with a household income of £100K. Get lost.

I'm with you OP. You've worked hard and saved hard. You don't waste money. Sadly a lot of people in the UK work hard, get a decent salary, but then fritter it away. Most impressive is that you and your family seem aligned. There are a lot of threads on here where spouses have different attitudes.

Income of £100k. Say no more. It's not easy to save much when you earn much less!

You know what, you're being bashed on here, but I really do believe that lot of people could live more frugally, including myself.

And I always intend to, but sometimes it's....hard.

Yesterday for instance 2 of my children wanted a children's book in the shop that belongs to our botanical garden.

I bought them 1 book each, all together I spent about 19 pounds.

I did this because I like to see them smile and also because I wanted to avoid a massive tantrum in the carpark.

I'm fully aware that I could have spend a few quid on used books.

Thursday next week I'm meeting my friend in a restaurant in the evening. Lots of money "wasted" again, but I don't have much of a social life and poor mental health, so this is always a treat and an opportunity to get out of the house.

Unfortunately nice experiences, well a lot of them, cost money.

Agree, I fritter money away on nice holidays and meals out and experiences. I earn every penny of it and don't understand why it's anyone else's business what I spend money on?

Moonshine you supported the authors by choosing to buy new books. Don't let people make you feel guilty.

Are you from India ? genuine question

But life is for living and enjoyment. Sounds like you have the right balance.